Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

I plan to not be on my knees - thats my point. If I had to ask for money because I couldn't cover the cost of something myself, then I'd have messed up somewhere. I take great pride in the fact that as a 36 yo single Mum, I'm not reliant on anyone for help. That's not sad. That managing my life effectively. My parents arent rolling in it. Why the hell should I base my life around them picking up for me when the poop hits the fan. I've been at the very bottom and still religiously saved, because I want to know that if something happens I can deal with it. At 36, working full time, if I can't do that ,what is the point?

Inheritance tax planning…makes total sense.

Does he pay more than you given he earns more than you?

@DoubleEspressoForMe I agree with this - I've never been on my knees either, including during my years as a single.mum.
My husband has been - many times - because he's in essence a) never learned to manage money effectively b) known his parents will alwys be happy to bail him out when he doesn't.
When you don't have those options I think you try far harder not to get in such a precarious position in the first place.

So if he not paying enough in holidays, two choices:

1. he pays more
2. you work a full time job an ds hol holidays and he has to pay half of childcare bill

or give him lentil dhal and rice every day in hols as all food budget is!!

@goz The money he gives me pm covers about 3/4 of the rent. But no other bills/expenses.

I did not and cannot accept such an arrangement

My parents do chuck me lump sums every now and again. They are both single, retired and living off very healthy pensions with mortgages paid off. I can support myself very nicely (single parent of 2, working in a decent career) but occasionally they offer to pay for a holiday or a bit of work on my house. Its completely up to them and I do a fair amount back in terms of practical help. I very much hope I'll be able to do the same for my DC in the future.

what????

@Mum2Fergus The inheritance not enough to kick in IHT.

@illbetheresunorrain He buys some food. The rest - CT, children's expenses, utilities is on me.

So are you earning less and paying 50% or more?
Why?

@goz If no holidays I get about £450 less than him pm. I also have 3 kids and he has 1. I get CB for two kids which he factors in.

Your comments are really vague though. If you work term time there are several months where you either take him nothing or much less than £450 less than him surely?
What does his contribution total vs yours?
If you pay all the bills and he pays for “some food” it seems like you would be paying a lot more.

@goz Yes - there are a number of months I am getting a lot less than that. Obviously end July to start September is the killer as I get nothing!!
I do expect to pay more for food when all three kids home and to pay for things like days out for my own two has to fall on me (this is reasonable - their bio dad is incredibly wealthy so they are well-off and never go without, although of course he's never paid maintenanceor anything like that).
His argument is that I earn enough over the months I do get full pay to be able to save for the months I do not.

There’s no normal.
My parents haven’t given me a penny or ever helped me out despite being very comfortable. They are very much ok with seeing me struggle, especially in the early days of having a young family and several unavoidable financial setbacks.
My income isn’t big but I try and help my adult kids out where I can. If I had more, I’d do more.

Animal?

You earn £450 a month less than him and he thinks it’s enough to save for the months you earn less when he can’t even get through the month on his income without his parents subsidising him?
Doesn’t it bother you the way your own husband treats you when it comes to finances?
Why have you allowed your ex to avoid maintenance for his two children?

OP there’s no prize for being such a total wet blanket and allowing the men in you life to walk all over you!!

I am always giving my 2 money and they earn well. We enjoy giving and helping. We can afford it so why not. They did expect it or ask for it and stand on their own 2 feet but I just want to give

@goz 50/50 so zero maintenance due. Has been that way since the children were very small unfortunately.

Exactly - self sufficient means no one helped. No one has ever helped us. Not with house deposit, childcare, nothing. I don’t get as much as a birthday card from the parent I have left. My DH gets a card and that’s it.
no Christmas presents, €50 budget for grandchildren presents.
I will be the opposite. I will give as much as I can. It’s is shite to have no help.
I have so many friends whose parents pay for all sorts, holidays, sites, house deposits, clothes for them and their children, homewares, cars, all kinds of things. I will be one of those parents.

Yea, they are well off and say that there’s only so much they can spend.

My adult daughter has always fully supported herself since leaving uni (she's mid 40s) (she's single) but I have helped her with big things like house deposit, a lot of home renovations, a car, things like that. And I stll do when needed. My son, also 40s, is married so has more household income, but I did give him house deposit, paid for a lot of stuff for his kids, took them on holiday. I'd rather help them when they need it now and I can enjoy seeing them reaping the benefit. I have several friends who do similar. I think a lot of parents do it these days.

@BestBefore2000 18 year old me would have been embarassed at having a car purchased for me, let alone 50. It seems like such a weird princess thing.

@shuggles AndI inherited his shitty one (which I still have!!!) Over 10 years old now but rely upon it as do a lot of travelling with my work.