Parents giving you money

[BestBefore2000]

Just curious to know if they still do?
My husband and I feel very differently about this. I'm 45 now but have always been raised to be self-sufficent. I've worked all of my life from the age of 16 (mat leaves only not working), three kids, years of being a single parent. Not wealthy by any stretch, privately renting still as can't afford a suitable mortgage. I do extra hours on Sundays to cover things as my job is term-time only. No benefits except CB. My car is over a decade old now but still works just about!!
Husband is 50 and works ft - earns more than me (around £2,400 net pm). However, his parents still give him a credit card that he is permitted to use for electricity for his car (they bought him a new electric car), bits and pieces of shopping etc. He contributes financially to our young shared daughter only as I have always been happy that my older children (shared care) I take financial responsibility for, along with my ex-husband. Other examples - husband had a nail in tyre the other day and so paid the £150 for a replacement. They also pay for his private dental care and give him extra money so he can pay for family holidays.
This is all alien to me but is it "normal"? I feel given his age it is not, but happy to be proved otherwise.
Edited to add - his parents are by no means well off. They are both in their 80s so have paid off their mortgage (modest 3 bed).

Not normal for me but nearly all my friends except two have similar situation. All are employed in fairly well paid jobs. I didn't think it was normal but I'm starting to wonder.

Id be very upset if my kids were mortified to come to me if they were on their knees. Id consider i had massively fucked up as a parent.
This is not the flex you think it is.

Yeah, I do for mine. I’m happy to give it, and they’re hapoy to get it..all good. ✔️✔️✔️

Ha it probably is and I would feel the same about my daughter. But as you have no understanding of my relationship with parents, or their financial situation, its a bit of a pointless comment.

No one has any understanding of anyones personal life here, so that is a moot point.

Being on your knees and not getting help is sad, not superior.

My Dad says he'd rather give with warm hands than cold so he enjoys paying for holidays and treats. Also has helped DD, only grandchild, with uni. He gifts from income to reduce inheritance tax liability and has money in gift trusts. I'll get it all some day as care costs are budgeted for already and he gets to see us enjoying it. We are very fortunate.

I was already about to post that this thread shouldn't be about the parents. It should be about the fact that you have a husband who is obsessed with having money himself, but enjoys depriving you of any financial support.

But your most recent updates confirm that he's absolutely awful. I dislike it when mumsnetters post 'why are you with this man?' but it's just such a valid response here, because you're criticising the wrong people entirely.

Your in laws are generous people. Your DH is a skinflint. You deserve better.

Neither set of parents are anywhere near enough wealthy for us to have to worry about IHT. The only people IHT will impact upon in my family is my children when their dad (my ex H) passes.

the fact that you can’t afford to take a day off sick if you need to, while he’s having his mum and dad put food in your cupboard, is fucking disgusting

That. And him accepting beer money from them while leaving you short of rent money leaves me almost speechless.

@saraclara He isn't leaving me short of rent money is his argument, he's just not covering all of it (which is fair enough)?

habits are different across families. This sounds like a good way to give (IHTfree) money to your children if and where it suits. We've been independent of our parents and not received any gifts, but times and legislation is changing so that we will be different with our children as it's in our collective interests with respect to our personal circumstances...

@LHP118 IHT nowhere near a factor.

Never. That would honestly give me the ick if my husband got money off mummy and daddy at that age.

I don’t think using the word ‘normal’ is helpful. As you can see from the responses different people have different experiences some parents enjoy helping out their children (and yes, they are always children no matter how old.) and some don’t. Just let them get on with it.

My nan and grandad do this for my father. They’ll randomly give him a grand here and there , money towards our holidays or family occasions . It’s sort of their way of giving the inheritance whilst they are still alive. And not paying ridiculous taxes on it when they do eventually pass. We have saved for our kids since they were born, we hope to be able to help them financially throughout their lives, be it help with house deposits / weddings etc .

So for my family it would be normal for my parents and my in-laws to give us money
Gave us money for new furniture
Gave us money for food shopping at Christmas
Will turn up with tumble dryer etc
Mum states that she would rather us have it than pay for her own care (only owns a house and has a modest pension)
For in-laws it's financial planning to get round Inheritance tax...
But either ways it is nice
Mum and dad regularly also pay it forward- pay for some random persons shopping or coffee and cake....

Each to their own. It’s not the situation I am in but I do have friends who receive quite a lot of financial benefit from their parents. It’s a personal choice for parents and it’s between them and their children.

My parents always try to leave money when they visit. If I find it on time to return they hide it somewhere else anyway. Not huge amounts of course,c.£200 or so. I definitely do not need the money but they like feeling useful and needed.

how this can be wrong in any way, unless he financially abused you, took it all, saved it and left you to pay for bills, food, clothes for kids, etc

Wow this is mad - I have paid for literally everything

No, it isn't fair enough.

And? You don’t get a medal.

Not normal for working class familys but I think it is for middle class. My friends dad always gives her money for things, 20k house deposit, 5k for roof repairs, 7k surgery. I don't know anyone else who's parents give them money, we just get credit cards or overtime to pay for things. I don't think a 40 year old should rely on money from parents, it's a bit sad.

My parents are both dead now and were not rich, but when he was alive (nearly 20 years ago), my dad often slipped me a £20 note and gave me a bigger cheque on my birthday and at Christmas. He also passed on a small inheritance from his parents to me and my siblings. In other words, he helped us as much as he could. I live very modestly but I too do as much for my adult DC as I can and they know they can come to me if they need help.

@saraclara Why should he pay the entire rent?