Changing times? Surprising (to me) behaviour in hotel

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I'm just back from a short break in a nice hotel in the Lakes. Fancy hotel in picturesque setting, spa etc. I don't know if I'm just getting old but I was surprised by some of the behaviour of a number of people there (who all looked to be in their 20s or early 30s). Is it just changing times or am I old-fashioned or what? Bear in mind that there are plenty of walkers who use the hotel and I haven't got any issue with less formal behaviour in the right context eg leaving dirty boots in the porch and walking to the bar in their socks.

Dress: fancy hotel restaurant. Women with skimpy, very flimsy dresses more suitable to a nightclub, at dinner. One had the front completely cut out from the bra part to below her waist. Apart from anything she must have been freezing. It was about 4 degrees outside, the fires were lit in the lounges etc, it was NOT a warm night.

Conversely at breakfast, when most people were just dressed casually but not scruffily (i.e. in jeans and jumper or t shirt, or walking trousers if they were going out walking for the day), the younger ones looked like they were taking the bins out or had literally just rolled out of bed, hair all dishevelled bed hair. Quite a few women in old leggings and an oversized hoodie, with slippers. One looked like they were wearing pyjamas. Men in obvious gym shorts and trainers. Clearly they weren't going in the gym straight after a big breakfast so had they just come in from the gym, and were putting their sweaty arses on the chairs? They all looked stand out sloppy compared to everyone else.

There were a couple of other little things which surprised me. After dinner a young woman sat in the lounge had her bare feet up on the low table where you'd put your drink or bar snacks. It was in front of the fire so maybe she was warming her feet but still.....yuck. Just not behaviour I've ever seen before in a nice hotel (or any hotel).

During dinner there was a load of noise from the table behind. Music etc which clashed with the music being played on the restaurant speakers. I turned round and there was a couple in their 20s just watching facebook reels or something on their own phones with volume on high, not interacting or talking to each other at all.

At breakfast, there was also noise from a screen which I could hear from the other end of the long dining room. Dora the Explorer or something on full blast on a screen being watched by a toddler while their parents and grandparents just chatted amongst themselves.

The nightclub gear at dinner is probably the one that didn't bother me that much: woman's right to choose what she wears etc, but the rest just surprised me. It just felt like a drop in standards of behaviour somehow. Not what you would have witnessed even 10 years back.

There was a much older guy in his late 70s or something who walked into the bar in the afternoon to meet some friends and he was dressed very stylishly in a jacket and shirt and was even wearing a hat (like a trilby kind of hat, not a beanie or something). He stuck out a mile, but in a good way. He had nice manners too. No bare feet up on the tables for him Made me wish a bit that we could go back a bit to the days when people made a bit more of an effort to make themselves presentable in public, and to avoid behaving in an anti-social manner.

Have times moved on, and I'm just not keeping up, or have standards of public behaviour dropped?

So you do want a return to dressing up and only a "certain type" of person going to the theatre?

I've never seen that happen in a decent hotel.

Still doesn't explain why you care what other people are wearing.

True. Maybe that's why I started the thread. It's the first time I've noticed this generational difference in people''s behaviour and attire in that kind of context. I didn't know if others had experienced the same.

Yet another thread moaning about young people.

If someone started a similar thread about old people, people be up in arms and crying ageism.

Tiktok or Insta then, you know what I mean.

If by "certain type" you mean people who sit quietly and watch the performance without chattering, faffing about or playing with their phones, then I'm all for that!

No, I wasn't out of place or overdressed. . I just noticed there were quite a few people who weren't dressed like everyone else was for the context, and they seemed to be young people.

I think you're right that standards have slipped. People don't know how to behave appropriately. I wouldn't be bothered by the skimpy outfits, but bare feet on a table and music on screens? No!

DH took me to a fancy restaurant on my birthday. Most people were dressed smartly or smart-casual, which I think shows respect for the place and the other diners. There was a very young trainee waiter, very smart. At one point he sat down and was talking and eating with some people - it looked as if they were maybe his DPs. The man was wearing a horrible old tracksuit and sliders. It seemed such a shame.

I agree. Standards have just dropped, no one has manners any more. And don’t get me started on table manners! Do people not know how to use cutlery, and eating with their mouth open and talking spitting food everywhere

I'm old, so my opinion will be different from the stereotype of 'wear what you want' on this thread.
To me, and a lot of people of my generation, clothes are a sign of self respect and respect for the people you meet.
A few years ago, I was staying in quite a smart hotel in an Asian country. The top floor was a kind of lounge for British people.
At the entrance were three young women from the host country. They looked absolutely sensational with beautiful make up , clothes and manners. In fact, I felt so inferior to them ...
Everything was very cleanly and smartly kept with plates quickly cleared away; the atmosphere was very restful.
Then an American middle-aged man cam in, wearing gym shorts and sleeveless t shirt. His clothes were soaked with perspiration. He was plugged into a telephone conversation with earphones. He went over to the buffet, picked up a croissant and walked around the room, eating his croissant with no plate, then ditto with coffee, eating and talking at the same time.
I so wanted to tell him I was ashamed to be a white person from his behaviour.
I was imaging what the staff thought of him and others like him who care nothing for the people around them, especially the people who work there.

I wonder whether the people OP observed were from the same group as each other.
I don't think that behaviour and dress is normal and acceptable in a smart hotel.They are spoiling the experience for others. Should have gone elsewhere.

Ok cool. Well I wouldn't let it bother you. Or go to a place which is more popular with older people next time? If you think young people dress too casually.

There are parts of the country where young women dress up to the nines for a night out in flimsy clothes. I observed this in Newcastle and Liverpool recently when it was freezing. It’s just a thing in some areas. Generally standards have fallen though. It’s not good etiquette to be on phones at dinner and certainly not with the volume up loudly. Maybe it wasn’t as posh a place as you thought.

I will always care about what other people are wearing. It's taking an interest in life. For me, the problem is that the scantily dressed people invariably look so awful, trying to be something they're not.
It offends my aesthetic sense, just like an ugly building does. A nice view trumps an ugly view.
Sorry.
It comes from an interest in the visual world, nothing else. Prefer things to look nice. Lots do feel like this.

No.

I think I am, I agree. I can hear my mum from when I was young, in my head "aren't you going to put a coat on over that?" or "Oh, I used to have boots just like those in the 60s" and those are the sorts of things I find myself thinking.

I have to remind DH that, as much as we try to introduce our kids to "cool" music from our youth, to them it's the equivalent of our parents banging on in the 90s about their favourite singers from the 60s, or "you should watch this comedian, he's hilarious!" and then you sat there stony-faced because you find the humour dated.

Even now, sometimes my young adult sons will show me a supposedly funny meme, and some of them I just don't get why they're laughing.

So you're right, I think I'm officially in middle age and the generation gap is becoming apparent!

I know what you mean, but I would just let it go. I suspect I’m older than you and I’m continually amazed, not in a pearl clutching way but in a genuinely bemused way, at the dresses some brides wear. They seem more like negligées to me than bridal gowns, but, there we are. Apparently these days it’s necessary to show your assets in order to prove that you have them.

Times change.

I’ve noticed similar in hotels too (only in the UK though). I think there’s a lack of distinction in these kind of people’s minds between what you do in your own home and public, shared spaces. Ditto the people with loud devices without headphones on public transport etc, who if confronted look at you like you’re completely mad 🤪

Whether or not they've had sex during the night or that morning before grabbing breakfast shouldn't affect you in the slightest.

Unless you're walking up to them and giving them a lick.

I think you are partly ridiculous.

If someone is dressed up for a "nightclub" they are dressed up for diner. You might not like it, but they are glammed up in their own way.

Leggings and hoodie/ gym clothes, perfectly suitable for breakfast. Many of us wear that for the school run too .Slippers are obviously a big no, and so are nightwear.

Fashion is forever changing, some oldiers were outraged by what women wore in the 1920s *and every decade.

The noise on the other hand is just plain rude and inconsiderate and bare feet are disgusting.

Surely it can't have been that posh if it's going to attract people with tags?

I don't think spas are inherently posh, anyway, to be honest. I think most people just THINK they're posh and so they attract a cross section of people.

I don't like any of it (rollers in hair, massove eyelashes, hideous nails) but I can kind of understand the woman dressed for a club at dinner. I think from late teens to mid 20s you have two modes: sloppy casual and glam. Glam mode enabled for going out (even if it's just a meal). She probably didn't think about it not being quite right for a meal in a hotel.

I'm not an expert but from online research, I think it's correct to wear a hat in the public part of a hotel, not private spaces.
The Gentleman's Gazette says:

1. A house is a private space but the foyer or entryway just inside the door can be considered a public space. This goes back to the era when a butler would typically greet guests at the door and take their hats and coats. Similarly, an apartment is a private space but their surrounding hallways, as well as the lobby, are public.
2. This same general rule is typically true for hotels with the added caveat that spaces reserved specifically for hotel guests such as the pool or lounge are also considered private spaces.

Northern lakes. Edge of lake. Spa. That's all I'm prepared to say!😉

We've stayed in nice B and B's the last few stays and then eaten out in restaurants locally. This time of year you don't always want to venture out of an evening, though.

I tend to wear yesterday's top for breakfast because if I wore something clean, I'd spill food down it!