Changing times? Surprising (to me) behaviour in hotel

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I'm just back from a short break in a nice hotel in the Lakes. Fancy hotel in picturesque setting, spa etc. I don't know if I'm just getting old but I was surprised by some of the behaviour of a number of people there (who all looked to be in their 20s or early 30s). Is it just changing times or am I old-fashioned or what? Bear in mind that there are plenty of walkers who use the hotel and I haven't got any issue with less formal behaviour in the right context eg leaving dirty boots in the porch and walking to the bar in their socks.

Dress: fancy hotel restaurant. Women with skimpy, very flimsy dresses more suitable to a nightclub, at dinner. One had the front completely cut out from the bra part to below her waist. Apart from anything she must have been freezing. It was about 4 degrees outside, the fires were lit in the lounges etc, it was NOT a warm night.

Conversely at breakfast, when most people were just dressed casually but not scruffily (i.e. in jeans and jumper or t shirt, or walking trousers if they were going out walking for the day), the younger ones looked like they were taking the bins out or had literally just rolled out of bed, hair all dishevelled bed hair. Quite a few women in old leggings and an oversized hoodie, with slippers. One looked like they were wearing pyjamas. Men in obvious gym shorts and trainers. Clearly they weren't going in the gym straight after a big breakfast so had they just come in from the gym, and were putting their sweaty arses on the chairs? They all looked stand out sloppy compared to everyone else.

There were a couple of other little things which surprised me. After dinner a young woman sat in the lounge had her bare feet up on the low table where you'd put your drink or bar snacks. It was in front of the fire so maybe she was warming her feet but still.....yuck. Just not behaviour I've ever seen before in a nice hotel (or any hotel).

During dinner there was a load of noise from the table behind. Music etc which clashed with the music being played on the restaurant speakers. I turned round and there was a couple in their 20s just watching facebook reels or something on their own phones with volume on high, not interacting or talking to each other at all.

At breakfast, there was also noise from a screen which I could hear from the other end of the long dining room. Dora the Explorer or something on full blast on a screen being watched by a toddler while their parents and grandparents just chatted amongst themselves.

The nightclub gear at dinner is probably the one that didn't bother me that much: woman's right to choose what she wears etc, but the rest just surprised me. It just felt like a drop in standards of behaviour somehow. Not what you would have witnessed even 10 years back.

There was a much older guy in his late 70s or something who walked into the bar in the afternoon to meet some friends and he was dressed very stylishly in a jacket and shirt and was even wearing a hat (like a trilby kind of hat, not a beanie or something). He stuck out a mile, but in a good way. He had nice manners too. No bare feet up on the tables for him Made me wish a bit that we could go back a bit to the days when people made a bit more of an effort to make themselves presentable in public, and to avoid behaving in an anti-social manner.

Have times moved on, and I'm just not keeping up, or have standards of public behaviour dropped?

Season appropriate attire has long been something of a class marker.
As has, conversely, a man who wears his hat indoors.

At breakfast they've probably thrown on clothes to avoid missing the breakfast service and are going back to their room to shower and dress afterwards.

God knows I've chucked clothes on in a panic for breakfast when I realised the time because I was having a shag sleeping late.

They were observations about people's clothing choices for the contexts. I wasn't sat there fuming. 🙄

I was a bit about the screen noises and the bare feet on the drinks tables, yes.

Most people would have just assumed your grandad had problems with his feet, surely, if the rest of him was smart, though? That was mean to comment and snigger.

I think the only bit that would annoy me of your post would be people watching videos with the sound on. Do that in your own room, not around others.
Oh and the feet on the table.
The rest, not so much.

The Rise of the Modern-Day Prole

You were at a spa. That is a place that people visit for relaxation.

Last time I stayed in a hotel I went down to breakfast in a kaftan and flipflops (I dont wear clothes in bed). After breakfast I went back to my room and got changed for the day. I didnt really notice what thers were wearing. However I did notice that there was not a single person without a phone or tablet out - including me. In the "olden days" single guests might feel conspicuous sitting out for a meal alone. Smart phones have changed all that by giving us something to do. I always keep my sound down.

Hmm none of this would bother me other than the bare feet on the table and playing videos/reels out loud. But I would agree society has definitely become less formal in general.

I think this is how things have changed. People used to get showered and dressed for breakfast in a hotel, because it’s a public facing thing, you’re not in your own room or at home. Now people just don’t care and will wander down in their comfies / pjs etc and then go back and get dressed afterwards. I’m not sure it bothers me all that much (although I’m definitely of the old way type!) but I think people just don’t care what others think of them anymore.

He man in his 70s probably thought you looked scruffy and under-dressed at breakfast. I’m assuming you’re in your 50s(ish) and surprise, you think those in their 20s/30s looked under-dressed. Times change, just as you don’t expect people to wear a hat and jacket to breakfast like people did a couple of generations before you the generations below don’t think you need to be dressed out of loungewear at all. Standards change all the time, it’s completely normal (if it wasn’t women would still be eating breakfast in corseted Elizabethan gowns!) and the older generations always complain about it like it’s a brand new phenomenon.

I agree with you about the phones/playing music/watching videos… I can’t stand that.

But the clothes, I think is fine. You say as well it’s a spa hotel so what exactly are you expecting people to wear at breakfast? We stayed at a spa hotel a few weeks ago and I woke up, put my swimming costume on with leggings and a hoodie over the top, and flip flops, headed down for breakfast and then straight to the pool afterwards. And then those leggings and hoodie were perfect for throwing on after the spa. I’m not going to wear jeans and a blouse for half an hour for breakfast.

And then you said the fire was on, so I doubt the woman in the revealing dress was freezing.

I was at the hotel reception desk and the bloke behind was watching videos with the volume up. I just turned and said Don't you have any headphones in a very snotty voice and he turned it off. I mean fgs cant people just stand quietly waiting. Absolutely no manners . . .

Just call people out on it. Directly.

The rest, how they dress etc, I don't care but I prefer it if they are dressed in clothes of some sort.

Yes. times have changed.

I think as long as people aren't adversely effecting others in any way, it's fine.

Putting your feet up on seats and playing content that disturbs other people should be unacceptable but has become commonplace and shouldn't be.

I get trains a few times a year and the amount of young and not-particularly young people that think it's okay to play their music or TV shows when it will clearly bother other people is ridiculous.

I wish I was surprised but I am not. Clothing retailing in the UK is a disgrace and we have very little style, unlike Italians, French and I notice it even in a country not renowned for it, Belgium.

Poor clothing retailing, almost 18 months of limited socialising in 2020/21, and I think Silicon valley and Love Island/reality tv influence, all have contributed.

Skimpy clothes on holiday in the sun yes - in the Lakes!!

No 20 year old is on FB reels 😳

Because you're calling everyone else underdressed or too casual. But you and this trilby wearer stood out as being out of place, by your own admission. That's why I said you must have been overdressed.

And fair enough if you like spending your holiday being critical about strangers clothing. I wouldn't really notice it tbh.

I don't think it's everyone. We went for a cuppa in a cafe in the town and there were some young parents there who were actually interacting with their young children the whole time, they had brought toys with them (non noisy toys) and were talking to them, supervising etc. Well, normal parenting skills, I suppose. Kids were really well behaved and charming.

Maybe it's just certain contexts or situations. Perhaps I should just stick to walkers' b&bs or hotels that attract more of an older crowd and avoid dates around Valentines day at spa hotels or something. I don't feel I'm quite ready for a Shearings hotel though 😆

I think the days of looking smart and dressing smart are pretty much over. I was looking at some nostalgic pictures someone had posted from the 1950s and all the men wore suits, shirt and tie, some wore trilbies, the young women looked fabulous, beautiful skirts and blouses, hair well styled, back then many women made their own clothes, I know my mother did (she was a seamstress, which helped) men tipped their hats to ladies, opened doors for them, best of all, these young people strolling along looked really happy.
I wish it was still like that 😊

Its has been happening for a longtime

There were supermarkets putting up sign saying no pjs back in 2010

I wouldn’t like people’s feet on the table , no .
Whilst I wouldn’t like people making a racket obviously, but there will be noise , kids , people chatting , giggling what have you .
With regard to how people dress , to dinner , for breakfast , having drinks, whatever it is they’re doing , like seriously you actually sound like a Mother Superior from 100 years ago. !

Oh, but the theatre is sadly where you see some of the worst behaviour now. I pick and choose what I see. At some things half the audience don't know how to behave in public, singing along as iif they're in a karaoke bar, talking through it instead of keeping their mouth shut till the interval, spending half the time passing rustling packets of sweets along, then dropping the rubbish at their feet. Awful, awful, antisocial behaviour.

Somehow European countries can get it right and their citizens can manage to behave appropriately for the context in public.

Isn't it a good thing that we don't care what strangers in a hotel breakfast room think of us?

As long as the appropriate bits are covered, why should it matter if it's by a hoodie and leggings or a three piece suit?

We're there to relax, not to impress people we'll never even speak to.

I think it’s fine to wear gym gear to breakfast. I need to eat before I exercise..so don’t agree with that.

I guess the hotel just isn’t as fancy as you think it is. I think you need to be in a 5 star to avoid annoying behaviour to be honest.