Changing times? Surprising (to me) behaviour in hotel

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I'm just back from a short break in a nice hotel in the Lakes. Fancy hotel in picturesque setting, spa etc. I don't know if I'm just getting old but I was surprised by some of the behaviour of a number of people there (who all looked to be in their 20s or early 30s). Is it just changing times or am I old-fashioned or what? Bear in mind that there are plenty of walkers who use the hotel and I haven't got any issue with less formal behaviour in the right context eg leaving dirty boots in the porch and walking to the bar in their socks.

Dress: fancy hotel restaurant. Women with skimpy, very flimsy dresses more suitable to a nightclub, at dinner. One had the front completely cut out from the bra part to below her waist. Apart from anything she must have been freezing. It was about 4 degrees outside, the fires were lit in the lounges etc, it was NOT a warm night.

Conversely at breakfast, when most people were just dressed casually but not scruffily (i.e. in jeans and jumper or t shirt, or walking trousers if they were going out walking for the day), the younger ones looked like they were taking the bins out or had literally just rolled out of bed, hair all dishevelled bed hair. Quite a few women in old leggings and an oversized hoodie, with slippers. One looked like they were wearing pyjamas. Men in obvious gym shorts and trainers. Clearly they weren't going in the gym straight after a big breakfast so had they just come in from the gym, and were putting their sweaty arses on the chairs? They all looked stand out sloppy compared to everyone else.

There were a couple of other little things which surprised me. After dinner a young woman sat in the lounge had her bare feet up on the low table where you'd put your drink or bar snacks. It was in front of the fire so maybe she was warming her feet but still.....yuck. Just not behaviour I've ever seen before in a nice hotel (or any hotel).

During dinner there was a load of noise from the table behind. Music etc which clashed with the music being played on the restaurant speakers. I turned round and there was a couple in their 20s just watching facebook reels or something on their own phones with volume on high, not interacting or talking to each other at all.

At breakfast, there was also noise from a screen which I could hear from the other end of the long dining room. Dora the Explorer or something on full blast on a screen being watched by a toddler while their parents and grandparents just chatted amongst themselves.

The nightclub gear at dinner is probably the one that didn't bother me that much: woman's right to choose what she wears etc, but the rest just surprised me. It just felt like a drop in standards of behaviour somehow. Not what you would have witnessed even 10 years back.

There was a much older guy in his late 70s or something who walked into the bar in the afternoon to meet some friends and he was dressed very stylishly in a jacket and shirt and was even wearing a hat (like a trilby kind of hat, not a beanie or something). He stuck out a mile, but in a good way. He had nice manners too. No bare feet up on the tables for him Made me wish a bit that we could go back a bit to the days when people made a bit more of an effort to make themselves presentable in public, and to avoid behaving in an anti-social manner.

Have times moved on, and I'm just not keeping up, or have standards of public behaviour dropped?

Yes I agree with you. As you can see from this thread, many people don’t care or have an issue with what you describe.

But it still surprises me. I recently met up with a talented team member for the first time to talk about career and how to get promoted. Think Finance assistant meeting new CFO. She wore a rather scruffy track suit with sliders.

I can think of another interview recently when a young lady turned up in high heeled sandals and a dress so tight it split when she fell over on the cobbles. The role was working on a farm.

Equally hiring a CMO for a well know high street brand, the candidate that nailed it was wearing jeans (with a v stylish jacket). Totally on brand.

My personally brand is linked to my style and image as much as my performance, behaviour and values. I’d much rather be slightly over dressed than under dressed and still believe that dressing appropriately for an occasion shows respect and good judgement.

we all did! But it's only since the lockdown that I wear them IN the office and with clients, and we are very corporate.

Some men still wear suits, but it's rare to see a tie nowadays.

The difference pre-and post lockdown is huge.

The only worry is when people take it too far, and sadly theres' always one

Times change op. When you were that age, people much older than you would’ve looked at you and thought the same. Formality has changed over time

Maybe it’s because I’m an American, but dressing up had little bearing on class or income here, growing up almost everyone had their “best clothes” for special occasions. I think the change is a move to anti-social behavior in general and a sense of “my needs” over any kind of community awareness. I’m in my 50s and dressing standards (simply being clean and neat) have nosedived in some places. I took my kids (teen girls who dressed up) to a play recently and about half the people were really sloppy, a subset unhygienic, and the other half nicely dressed.

I have understanding for unhygienic people who really struggle: eg homeless, ill, dealing with dementia. But many are young people who seem to be poster children for bed rotting.

it’s just gross to sit next to someone in a plush concert chair for 3 hours who hasn’t bothered to shower or brush the crumbs/pet hair/dander from their coat they refuse to check at the free coat check.

I agree with you OP about the pyjamas and bare feet in public spaces of the hotel - gross.

I was driving on a motorway recently and saw on the hard shoulder a broken down car attended by transport police. The driver, who was talking to police, was a young woman wearing obvious pyjamas and fluffy slippers. At about 3 in the afternoon. I'm not even sure I could drive in fluffy slippers!

I mentioned this sighting to my DSis (a paramedic). She said she wasn't at all surprised as she went to loads of road traffic accidents these days where half the drivers were wearing pyjamas, fleecy onesies, slippers etc and clearly hadn't brushed their hair or probably washed that morning.

Country clearly going to the dogs! 🤣

I'm generally very happy that anything goes with clothes. I like clothes and dressing smart casual or more dressed up but always comfortably. But also not feeling bad about it on days where I feel like making very little effort. I don't much care what anyone else wears.

I'm particularly glad I don't have to live in dainty shoes with heels and fitted dresses. Also glad I'm not made to feel fat for being a fairly tall, athletic build and a perfectly normal and healthy size.

while I don’t harshly judge people who eat in their PJs, it’s not something I do unless I’m sick. You dress before eating because it’s gross to get food on PJs, is my reasoning. My DDs are the same way, but I guess it’s because I raised them!

True. I actually do still have shoes in my drawer, but they are Mary Janes in three colours and not heels. I'm a bit over wearing trainers all day, but it's nice that I can if I want to.

I went to the funeral of a close family friend last year and the daughter in law of the deceased man was in stretched and transparent gym leggings, muddy trainers and a ripped bright pink fleece. I should add, that they'd got on very well so you would have thought she'd shown some respect by at least wearing all black!

Personally I’d have asked the owner of bare feet on table by fire, to move them off said table. Basic hygiene & or common courtesy type ‘by-laws’ have to be pointed out to some nitwits, & I’ve always found they’ll follow my suggestion.
But i do find it a bore having to teach what some other lazy parent should have taught 20odd yrs earlier.

I don’t agree with this - when I was a student maybe 15 years ago, loads of people went to the supermarket in PJs. Not saying it’s good, but it’s not new.

The noise from people's phones and tablets has become ridiculous. It's not just young people either. Trying to have lunch in a little quiet farm cafe and a bloke possibly late 50s early 60s just mindlessly watching some tosh full volume oblivious to others around him. 40ish bloke ok the bus listening to crap with loads of swearing in with kids around, someone did tell him to turn it off but you can guess how he reacted. We really have gone backwards in terms of respecting each other. People realise there are consequences for their shitty behaviour anymore.

It is definitely new where I live (South Norfolk).

Its a very modern British approach. You dont get so much of this sort of thing in France or Italy or Spain (I mean, you do of course but not nearly as much). People seem to have more self respect and certainly dress a lot better I think its just here people dont care about how they look or basic hygiene any more. Which hotel was it?

It wasn’t me this time but i apologise if you think my leggings, top and fleece is not appropriate for breakfast, it’s just we normally travel by motorcycle and that’s what I wear under my protective gear. I personally can’t see what the problem is with these clothes - it’s not nightwear, it’s day clothes

I think if you came in stinking of BO and covered in sweat that wouldnt be great for people eating near you?

Sit and observe any high street for thirty minutes and you won’t be able to deny that we have become a nation of sloppy slovenly dressers. No one ever polishes their shoes, filthy trainers are totally acceptable everyday wear. Very few people are actually smartly dressed these days, and very few take a real pride in their appearance, it’s just a fact.
And respect is valid, in that if you’re in a nice hotel you should surely understand that there is a certain dress code and going down to breakfast with uncombed hair and pyjamas is just not the done thing.
Life isn't all about an ‘I don’t care, I’ll do what I like attitude’ it’s about observing accepted standards. why do we constantly set the bar so low.

YANBU OP I'm late 30s (in denial about to be 40!) and those things would seriously bug me too!

I struggled to keep a poker face on when on holiday in Greece in a 5* hotel some of the breakfast atire when it clearly said no swimwear in the restaurant (a large hole knit beach wrap doesn't count as a cover up IMO if I can still see the itsy bitsy bikini or speedo similar and lots of skin underneath!)

If people want to fully relax then book an air bnb or go to the room not in communal areas!

Depending on what he planned to do for the day after breakfast, I would likely have been in leggings/jumper combo. My kids would have been in tracksuit etc.

my kids are not allowed devices at the table either in the house or out, it’s a time to interact and it’s a said world we live in now we’re a phone is shoved under a kids nose and they are basically ignored.

but I do find people rude in general now, not following social norms: my brother lets his kids climb on chairs and run round if we go out for food and I just don’t allow that behaviour. Don’t put your dirty shoes/feet where people will be sitting, don’t be loud it’s just obnoxious!! If your kids want to climb and be loud take them to a park or play centre not to a restaurant

If there are accepted standards, by definition they'll be followed by most, or they're not actually accepted. If OPs account is correct, the 'done thing' is increasingly not what she and you think it ought to be.

why would anyone stink more of BO in casual clothes?

Yes, my grandmother (fortunately deceased) used to think I was some kind of Jezebel, because I sometimes used to call into my local (nice, tiny old man’s pub with good trad music) to have a drink on the way home from work, read a book and do the crossword with the assistance of the bar man and a couple of regulars in their 70s. My mother (born 1946) also thinks a woman in a bar by herself, especially sitting at the bar, is ‘not nice’. Even if said woman is wearing a parka and biker boots and absorbed in a novel, and not taking the slightest bit of notice of anyone.

YANBU, and it does seem to be a British thing. I've not noticed this abroad, unless they're Brits 😅

I am with the OP here.

These people are not discrete.

Although my mum was a teen of the 60’s - mini skirts and thigh high boots and a beehive and a big flick of eyeliner - what shocks her is that young woman show both boobs and legs - and on occasion with very little in between!