Changing times? Surprising (to me) behaviour in hotel

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

I'm just back from a short break in a nice hotel in the Lakes. Fancy hotel in picturesque setting, spa etc. I don't know if I'm just getting old but I was surprised by some of the behaviour of a number of people there (who all looked to be in their 20s or early 30s). Is it just changing times or am I old-fashioned or what? Bear in mind that there are plenty of walkers who use the hotel and I haven't got any issue with less formal behaviour in the right context eg leaving dirty boots in the porch and walking to the bar in their socks.

Dress: fancy hotel restaurant. Women with skimpy, very flimsy dresses more suitable to a nightclub, at dinner. One had the front completely cut out from the bra part to below her waist. Apart from anything she must have been freezing. It was about 4 degrees outside, the fires were lit in the lounges etc, it was NOT a warm night.

Conversely at breakfast, when most people were just dressed casually but not scruffily (i.e. in jeans and jumper or t shirt, or walking trousers if they were going out walking for the day), the younger ones looked like they were taking the bins out or had literally just rolled out of bed, hair all dishevelled bed hair. Quite a few women in old leggings and an oversized hoodie, with slippers. One looked like they were wearing pyjamas. Men in obvious gym shorts and trainers. Clearly they weren't going in the gym straight after a big breakfast so had they just come in from the gym, and were putting their sweaty arses on the chairs? They all looked stand out sloppy compared to everyone else.

There were a couple of other little things which surprised me. After dinner a young woman sat in the lounge had her bare feet up on the low table where you'd put your drink or bar snacks. It was in front of the fire so maybe she was warming her feet but still.....yuck. Just not behaviour I've ever seen before in a nice hotel (or any hotel).

During dinner there was a load of noise from the table behind. Music etc which clashed with the music being played on the restaurant speakers. I turned round and there was a couple in their 20s just watching facebook reels or something on their own phones with volume on high, not interacting or talking to each other at all.

At breakfast, there was also noise from a screen which I could hear from the other end of the long dining room. Dora the Explorer or something on full blast on a screen being watched by a toddler while their parents and grandparents just chatted amongst themselves.

The nightclub gear at dinner is probably the one that didn't bother me that much: woman's right to choose what she wears etc, but the rest just surprised me. It just felt like a drop in standards of behaviour somehow. Not what you would have witnessed even 10 years back.

There was a much older guy in his late 70s or something who walked into the bar in the afternoon to meet some friends and he was dressed very stylishly in a jacket and shirt and was even wearing a hat (like a trilby kind of hat, not a beanie or something). He stuck out a mile, but in a good way. He had nice manners too. No bare feet up on the tables for him Made me wish a bit that we could go back a bit to the days when people made a bit more of an effort to make themselves presentable in public, and to avoid behaving in an anti-social manner.

Have times moved on, and I'm just not keeping up, or have standards of public behaviour dropped?

Maybe. At least trousers on women would have been forward thinking and something new, though. I think with the clothes thing, it just seems there's no cool fashion anymore. Many of the looks that some young people favour are not different or cool or edgy. It's carbon copy Kardashian,and the same look for every occasion. Or 2 looks, as someone upthread said. Scruffy or glam (with a trashy edge). No-one's doing anything different or unique. I miss edgy and cool. And people being original

I think style has changed over the years. Young people tend to dress down now and are very casual unless they are on a night out or similar.

I do know the shoes you mean though op, ds2’s gf has a pair which I thought were slippers too but apparently they aren’t. They’re little half Ugg boot type things, often worn with black leggings or baggy jeans.

The skimpy dresses at dinner I could probably forgive. I always think it’s nice to see people make an effort with their appearance. The loud mobile phone videos however, unforgivable. Pet hate. So antisocial.

Marital rape, women not allowed to open a bank account or credit card without a husband, women denied access to university courses, all credit for any academic success given to male counterparts, forced to give up
jobs once married, sent away if fell pregnant outside marriage, yep the Good Old Days!

Gosh, don’t get me started.

In the city where I live (or in fact most British cities with a few exceptions), wearing a tracksuit or other sports clothes is the uniform. At least 50% of people in the centre, jogging bottoms. Jeans are considered a little bit dressy, whereas when I was growing up, jeans for an adult were not really appropriate other than in a casual setting and there were no-jeans, no trainers dress codes.

The body language, facial expressions of people… They just look so defeated by life and disconnected from their surroundings. Kids on screens rather than being endlessly curious about their surroundings and asking questions.

On a train, watching videos and video calling without any headphones is expected now, several people per carriage, always.

I live my life in presentable clothes, hair brushed, and smile, make eye contact and engage with anyone I speak to, rarely take my phone out in public. Get stopped several times a day by strangers for a compliment, often they mention something about me ‘looking different’ or ‘standing out’.

I know I live like a 19th century Russian heiress, but god, please take me back.

The only places I feel I belong these days are the stuffier ones. Largely we are a tracksuit nation now.

Someone young that works for me has bought some new gym kit. She’s now waiting for an ‘occasion’ to wear it.

Certain hoodies and leggings are considered super aspirational if you’re under 25.

What are we supposed to wear for hotel dining? a Burqa?

Well maybe you would.

I don’t want to share my evening meal with someone else’s stomach. No matter how flat and toned it may be.

how close do you get to other people if you feel threatened by somebody's stomach, hidden by the table anyway 😂

Jeans are considered a little bit dressy, whereas when I was growing up, jeans for an adult were not really appropriate other than in a casual setting and there were no-jeans, no trainers dress codes.

I don't know which which era you are from, but "jeans and a nice top" has been a staple for many women for as long as I remember.

Trainers, I agree, are a very recent thing. God forbid women are comfortable and we wear trainers instead of Limo shoes.

Certain hoodies and leggings are considered super aspirational if you’re under 25.
They're young, every generation has aspirational clothes that make their elder really unhappy.

I am not young (sadly) but I don't think you realise how much time and effort it takes to achieve my messy hair look, and to make sure it doesn't look "freshly brushed" 😂

I’m fully on your side about feet on tables - utterly unhygienic and therefore totally unacceptable.

Very sweaty workout kit is also not great.

While I definitely wouldn’t wear PJs in public, and I would also brush my hair, it doesn’t affect me if other people behave like this. I do however think this is odd behaviour. Workout wear is OK as long as it is not dripping with sweat or muddy.

I'm thinking of groups I see out and about in London.
There was a group at a mainline station in London. it was evening and very cold. They were standing/sitting around, wearing very high heels and tiniest of dresses. The one I noticed had rounded shoulders and terrible posture, as she was walking around on her huge heels. Sorry, but she just looked ridiculous. I felt sorry for her.

My 18yo DD went away for a weekend break to Scotland with her best friend last weekend, first time they had been away on their own.

Got absolutely rat arsed their first night, woke up hungover and starving so went down for breakfast in their jamas. This is hoodie/long bottoms jamas though, not a short set with cami top or whatever.

She said as soon as they got down there they realised they were the only ones not dressed. And everyone was staring at them and making comments to each other.

She said they felt absolutely awful, but then an older woman came down in her jamas too so they felt a little better.

I said it's likely that everyone else had already been up a lot earlier (cos they didn't get hammered the night before!), showered, was going to eat breakfast and then head straight out for the day. Whereas they had quite literally rolled out of bed and down the stairs hungover! And would be going back to the room to get showered and ready.

They missed breakfast the second morning but did say they'd have got ready that time.

Sometimes it's just not thinking, like in my DDs case.

I have to agree about most of the rest though. The blaring of music/videos that disturbs everyone else is just shockingly inconsiderate. I did say something once on a bus cos a gang of people were genuinely BLASTING music at the back, it was ridiculous.

And don't get me started on feet up on tables/chairs, bare or not.

Definitely unacceptable.

I think people generally are scruffier/slobbyer nowadays, certainly much more casual. I wear more trackies & casual wear due to illness and disability so can't judge them really but Toby Carveries are quite bizarre seeing the amount of people in there in their Jimmy jams. I lived in Australia in the late 80s and 90s and saw quite a few people in supermarkets in pyjamas which I found a bit strange then but not now. I think Europeans generally seem better presented compared to us in the UK.

I would not call it style.

I think most people have never learned the ability to give a fuck about other people's dress sense as you have. How old are you? You sound old.

YANBU op. There seems to me a complete lack of standards nowadays. It takes very little to shower and dress appropriately in the morning. Watching phones and iPads during dinner is completely unacceptable.

However, it’s up to the establishments to specify standards and dress codes. Customers are incapable of knowing what’s acceptable themselves, so need to be told; like children. If they behave or dress inappropriately then they should be asked to leave.

If I see someone out in public wearing pyjamas, I assume they are ill. There’s no other acceptable reason imo. Amazing how many seriously ill people there are now.

!00% agree but some places the inmates have already taken over.
I hate visiting where I used to live, I go to see family but the rest of it is something I might find on my shoe on a hot day and that just the scum class not even the locality.😆

They've never learnt the ability to look after themselves properly and don't know any different probably due to lack of parenting and their parents not being parented either.
What's with the ageist shit? You sound like a whiny teen.😁

I don't have a problem with skimpy clothes at dinner, or being scruffy at breakfast as long as it's not complete nightwear that they've slept in.

I have a big problem with putting bare feet/feet up on the drinks table - people seem to forget that they are in a public space not their own sitting room!

And a big problem with people having their phones on speaker so everyone around can hear what they are watching - it's just so anti-social.

There's nothing stuffy or old-fashioned in having a bit of consideration for others when out and about.

Anyone else picture some of the posters on here having the same sense of "style" as Bridget Jones' mother looking disparagingly at youngsters who prefer not to dress like a curtain 😂

But she must have stayed in a hotel before? She would have known what’s the norm? How can an 18 year old not know?

when I was younger going away to hotels I’d always be hungover at breakfast, and go down as late as possible. Still managed to be dressed though. Had usually had a quick shower as that helped to wake me up.

i just don’t understand it, it’s like a total lack of awareness of what the norm is, as if you’re a foreign tourist and don’t know what the culture is.

Ironically the cut out dress I saw at dinner could have passed for a cheap curtain with holes in. Thin shiny viscose type cheap material. I prefer not to wear a shiny curtain from the market with holes in to dinner.

She was likely wearing a dress she could afford, I remember being young and wearing cheap fabric. She probably (hopefully) felt amazing in it.
One day, hopefully she can afford nice fabric and cuts. Until then, we should be bigging each other up, not looking down on our younger sisters.

it doesn't mean you will not look awfully frumpy and dowdy to someone else.

The difference is they don't start a thread complaining their evening was ruined because other clients decided that Hyacinth Bucket is a style icon to emulate.

The rude behaviour and the noise, I am still with you, but your opinion on fashion sounds a bit... dated to be polite.

You’re absolutely right, OP. Mostly, I think it’s down to a lack of respect and consideration for others.

Not an ageist comment, more about an old attitude. Someone who sounds weary, dull and misanthropic. People can be like that in their 20s. Whereas someone in their 80s can be a lot of fun.