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Changing times? Surprising (to me) behaviour in hotel

338 replies

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/02/2026 13:30

I'm just back from a short break in a nice hotel in the Lakes. Fancy hotel in picturesque setting, spa etc. I don't know if I'm just getting old but I was surprised by some of the behaviour of a number of people there (who all looked to be in their 20s or early 30s). Is it just changing times or am I old-fashioned or what? Bear in mind that there are plenty of walkers who use the hotel and I haven't got any issue with less formal behaviour in the right context eg leaving dirty boots in the porch and walking to the bar in their socks.

Dress: fancy hotel restaurant. Women with skimpy, very flimsy dresses more suitable to a nightclub, at dinner. One had the front completely cut out from the bra part to below her waist. Apart from anything she must have been freezing. It was about 4 degrees outside, the fires were lit in the lounges etc, it was NOT a warm night.

Conversely at breakfast, when most people were just dressed casually but not scruffily (i.e. in jeans and jumper or t shirt, or walking trousers if they were going out walking for the day), the younger ones looked like they were taking the bins out or had literally just rolled out of bed, hair all dishevelled bed hair. Quite a few women in old leggings and an oversized hoodie, with slippers. One looked like they were wearing pyjamas. Men in obvious gym shorts and trainers. Clearly they weren't going in the gym straight after a big breakfast so had they just come in from the gym, and were putting their sweaty arses on the chairs? They all looked stand out sloppy compared to everyone else.

There were a couple of other little things which surprised me. After dinner a young woman sat in the lounge had her bare feet up on the low table where you'd put your drink or bar snacks. It was in front of the fire so maybe she was warming her feet but still.....yuck. Just not behaviour I've ever seen before in a nice hotel (or any hotel).

During dinner there was a load of noise from the table behind. Music etc which clashed with the music being played on the restaurant speakers. I turned round and there was a couple in their 20s just watching facebook reels or something on their own phones with volume on high, not interacting or talking to each other at all.

At breakfast, there was also noise from a screen which I could hear from the other end of the long dining room. Dora the Explorer or something on full blast on a screen being watched by a toddler while their parents and grandparents just chatted amongst themselves.

The nightclub gear at dinner is probably the one that didn't bother me that much: woman's right to choose what she wears etc, but the rest just surprised me. It just felt like a drop in standards of behaviour somehow. Not what you would have witnessed even 10 years back.

There was a much older guy in his late 70s or something who walked into the bar in the afternoon to meet some friends and he was dressed very stylishly in a jacket and shirt and was even wearing a hat (like a trilby kind of hat, not a beanie or something). He stuck out a mile, but in a good way. He had nice manners too. No bare feet up on the tables for him Grin Made me wish a bit that we could go back a bit to the days when people made a bit more of an effort to make themselves presentable in public, and to avoid behaving in an anti-social manner.

Have times moved on, and I'm just not keeping up, or have standards of public behaviour dropped?

OP posts:
Anna1mac · 20/02/2026 20:16

Yes, it's the changing times. I don't particularly care for it either but then again, I'm an old fogie so what do I know. That's how twenty somethings dress and behave these days. Although I really don't get not wearing ear buds for listening reels/ music. I like Instagram as much as the next person but I would never ever listen to the reels without my ear buds in public...

Turtletot79 · 20/02/2026 20:39

I personally don’t study other people around me I focus on myself, however regarding the Trilby hat, I was always taught hats indoors are unacceptable and the height of poor manners - so I guess it’s all about personal standards/expectations.

BambinaCucina · 20/02/2026 20:48

Pretty sure the hotel you stayed at is the one I'm thinking of. It's around halfway round a 13 mile walk from Keswick.

They specifically ask walkers to leave muddy boots at the door, so definitely couldn't fault the walkers for taking off their boots.

Times have definitely changed; we used to go out in stupid high heels and the boys in Ben sherman shirts and ties. Jean? No entry.

I personally prefer to get dressed in casual clothes for breakfast (though it probably would have been leggings and a jumper in this country vs a vet top, harem pants and sandals abroad!), but it doesn't matter to me what other people wear.

The feet on the table thing is very disrespectful to me.

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LadyCrustybread · 20/02/2026 20:59

I don’t really understand how everyone seems to be able to tell if people’s hair is brushed or not? If I brush mine it could go one of two ways - smooth or frizzy and worse than before I brushed it. Just depends on the day.

And surely most people would throw unbrushed hair into a ponytail or claw clip?

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 20/02/2026 21:06

Formality,manners and decency very much bit the dust a longer time ago.
Yes and times do change.

But wearing appropriate and reasonable. clothing and manners are a very alien concept to an increasing number of people in this country.

They have no idea how to dress or behave when in public.

Utterknowitall · 20/02/2026 21:39

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/02/2026 15:26

Surely it can't have been that posh if it's going to attract people with tags?

I don't think spas are inherently posh, anyway, to be honest. I think most people just THINK they're posh and so they attract a cross section of people.

There are posh criminals.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2026 22:04

BlackCat14 · 20/02/2026 15:13

Couldn’t agree more. I hope she felt amazing and had a lovely time. I look back at my late teens/early 20s and smile thinking about some of the “fashions” I wore. All very cheap as well as it was all I could afford. If some frumpy middle aged woman looked down on me for my clothes, I believe it says more about her than it does about me!

My clothes were cheap as a young woman too. I managed to keep up with fashion without actually looking cheap (in my opinion). Although it could have been that I just had more class than you as I never would have referred to someone as “a frumpy middle-aged woman”, I knew better than that.

OP posts:
AnAppleAWeek · 20/02/2026 22:14

I’m with you OP! Most people don’t know how to behave in public. I’m fine with a casual dress code but some people take it to extreme.

BlackCat14 · 20/02/2026 22:19

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2026 22:04

My clothes were cheap as a young woman too. I managed to keep up with fashion without actually looking cheap (in my opinion). Although it could have been that I just had more class than you as I never would have referred to someone as “a frumpy middle-aged woman”, I knew better than that.

You probably do have more class than me, well done. I know better than to say a lot of the things you’ve said on here about other people and how they dress.

Calliopespa · 20/02/2026 22:32

Figcherry · 19/02/2026 14:47

My bug bear is leggings and a short top on anyone that's not in a gym or pregnant.
I don't want to see a slightly filtered version of someone's buttocks and arse crack, especially not at breakfast.
Just wear a long top.

I've said similar so many times on these threads.

Something about the way lycra cradles a backside is extremely unflattering. I think they check it in the mirror standing still and don't realise the whole shebang undulates like a water balloon filled with something the consistency of mud when they move.

Or maybe some people really just don't care - in which case, dignity really is a thing of the past.

The thing I always find quite interesting on these threads is the fact that the "they can wear/act/behave however they like" crowd are also the first to call people judgy or old fashioned or, as op apparently is, a nun "from 100 years ago."

What irritates me about that is the simpleton logic: either we are all free to be ourselves and behave as we will, or we aren't. If the former, people like the op are quite within bounds of acceptability to have their opinions. It's the simpleton approach that tends to suggest freedom cuts only in one direction that irritates me. It's an attitude that runs deep in a certain age group these days.

Chinsupmeloves · 20/02/2026 22:36

Yes, the country style pubs and hotels have almost always been used for walkers, love it! I'm guessing there must've been an event going on because this isn't typical behaviour. Just a few months ago we went to one of our favourite haunts with DC and it was the same as always. Maybe some towns try to attract more tourists and 'city folk' want to go somewhere different but not used to the etiquette. Putting bare feet up/blasting own music/kids with loud screens is sadly becoming more common (not the bare feet) in a lot of places so this will be spilling out to country spots.

pouletvous · 20/02/2026 22:48

its a northern thing. Southerners dont like the cold

PretendHedgehog · 21/02/2026 07:53

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/02/2026 12:50

But she must have stayed in a hotel before? She would have known what’s the norm? How can an 18 year old not know?

when I was younger going away to hotels I’d always be hungover at breakfast, and go down as late as possible. Still managed to be dressed though. Had usually had a quick shower as that helped to wake me up.

i just don’t understand it, it’s like a total lack of awareness of what the norm is, as if you’re a foreign tourist and don’t know what the culture is.

She stayed in a hotel with me before as a child, and we never went down for breakfast.

So no. She didn't.

StarlightLady · 21/02/2026 08:06

I don’t see an issue with the clothes others are wearing, that’s their choice and does not harm you in any way. You seem to think such a range is all wrong. You don’t like dresses for an evening out or what other’s wear for breakfast.

l think you have a point when it comes to certain behaviours such as bare feet on a table etc. sadly, l think getting worked up about other’s clothes has diluted your other points.

GarlicBound · 21/02/2026 08:26

Pepperedpickles · 19/02/2026 14:14

I think this is how things have changed. People used to get showered and dressed for breakfast in a hotel, because it’s a public facing thing, you’re not in your own room or at home. Now people just don’t care and will wander down in their comfies / pjs etc and then go back and get dressed afterwards. I’m not sure it bothers me all that much (although I’m definitely of the old way type!) but I think people just don’t care what others think of them anymore.

I've been doing this since the 1980s! The only reason I prefer room service is that I find it a massive hassle to get brushed & dressed for breakfast so, if forced, I just get myself down there in something that passes for clothing.

I don't expect to be a social decoration at that time of day. I'm not sure about a young woman at my last hotel breakfast. She wore a very short nightie-type thing with a highly visible thong. It's a bit much while you're still on your first coffee - but she probably thought the same about my oversized sweater, leggings and witch's hair.

STR2 · 21/02/2026 08:30

BillieWiper · 20/02/2026 18:46

I'm not the kind of person who would go to Harrods. I consider it to be the height of bad taste. 😂

I said "for example", inverted snobbery is hilarious

Donsyb · 21/02/2026 10:37

Chinsupmeloves · 20/02/2026 22:36

Yes, the country style pubs and hotels have almost always been used for walkers, love it! I'm guessing there must've been an event going on because this isn't typical behaviour. Just a few months ago we went to one of our favourite haunts with DC and it was the same as always. Maybe some towns try to attract more tourists and 'city folk' want to go somewhere different but not used to the etiquette. Putting bare feet up/blasting own music/kids with loud screens is sadly becoming more common (not the bare feet) in a lot of places so this will be spilling out to country spots.

Depends on the hotel. A lot of country hotels/ inns have now been turned into boutique destinations that lots of city folk go to for a countryside retreat, especially if it has a spa like the one the OP is at. They will have a mix of walkers and city types.

i used to work at one about an hour out of London on the train. Attracts lots of walkers (they provide wellies etc for walking) but also people just looking to relax in the spa and then they dress up at night as if they were going out in London.

Donsyb · 21/02/2026 10:39

I remember going out when I was about 21 with a friend. We both had very nice dresses on but a bit skimpy (mine was short, hers showed a fair bit of cleavage). When my dad dropped us off he said to my mum “between them they nearly had a dress on” 😂

We’re in our 50s now!

bumphousebump · 21/02/2026 11:09

Donsyb · 21/02/2026 10:37

Depends on the hotel. A lot of country hotels/ inns have now been turned into boutique destinations that lots of city folk go to for a countryside retreat, especially if it has a spa like the one the OP is at. They will have a mix of walkers and city types.

i used to work at one about an hour out of London on the train. Attracts lots of walkers (they provide wellies etc for walking) but also people just looking to relax in the spa and then they dress up at night as if they were going out in London.

I go to the Lakes a lot and the clientele has changed. Ended up doing an afternoon spa in the Newby Bridge hotel as friend had injured her foot and we couldn't walk. It was very nice indeed - but also had a large, good natured hen party in with all the accoutrements, a variety of couples who were not - once out of the spa - dressed for the hills. It was fun but ...

pollymere · 21/02/2026 11:20

I have definitely seen people coming to breakfast in pyjamas! I used to work somewhere where is was written in my job contract that I couldn't wear pajamas in public because they'd has issues with staff popping to the shops in their PJs.

happydays312 · 21/02/2026 11:31

Totally with you! My annoyance with all of that would be the screens and the noise. It now seems acceptable that playing videos, having children entertained or even the bleeping of games is ok?! I have no issue if people want to use/watch them but expecting everyone else to listen is rude! Put some headphones on if you want to watch in a public place (this includes trains and planes!) so everyone else can enjoy the peace!

Izyboo · 21/02/2026 19:09

Standards have certainly dropped. 100% agree OP

Sooose · 21/02/2026 19:11

I haven't witnessed this kind of thing on the (few) occasions I've been staying in a nice hotel, so I think you just got unlucky this time.

It's nice to dress up smart(ish) when you're in the public spaces of a nice hotel, but I'm glad also if I have dressed down and I'm not made to feel bad about it.

But the noise from other guests and the feet on the table, this is thoughtless behaviour and you are not unreasonable in the least to be piqued by it.

Don't know why, but people are not taught so much anymore how to behave well in public and not annoy other people. It's not charming. Nor respectful.

Faye1090 · 21/02/2026 19:17

CurlyhairedAssassin · 19/02/2026 13:30

I'm just back from a short break in a nice hotel in the Lakes. Fancy hotel in picturesque setting, spa etc. I don't know if I'm just getting old but I was surprised by some of the behaviour of a number of people there (who all looked to be in their 20s or early 30s). Is it just changing times or am I old-fashioned or what? Bear in mind that there are plenty of walkers who use the hotel and I haven't got any issue with less formal behaviour in the right context eg leaving dirty boots in the porch and walking to the bar in their socks.

Dress: fancy hotel restaurant. Women with skimpy, very flimsy dresses more suitable to a nightclub, at dinner. One had the front completely cut out from the bra part to below her waist. Apart from anything she must have been freezing. It was about 4 degrees outside, the fires were lit in the lounges etc, it was NOT a warm night.

Conversely at breakfast, when most people were just dressed casually but not scruffily (i.e. in jeans and jumper or t shirt, or walking trousers if they were going out walking for the day), the younger ones looked like they were taking the bins out or had literally just rolled out of bed, hair all dishevelled bed hair. Quite a few women in old leggings and an oversized hoodie, with slippers. One looked like they were wearing pyjamas. Men in obvious gym shorts and trainers. Clearly they weren't going in the gym straight after a big breakfast so had they just come in from the gym, and were putting their sweaty arses on the chairs? They all looked stand out sloppy compared to everyone else.

There were a couple of other little things which surprised me. After dinner a young woman sat in the lounge had her bare feet up on the low table where you'd put your drink or bar snacks. It was in front of the fire so maybe she was warming her feet but still.....yuck. Just not behaviour I've ever seen before in a nice hotel (or any hotel).

During dinner there was a load of noise from the table behind. Music etc which clashed with the music being played on the restaurant speakers. I turned round and there was a couple in their 20s just watching facebook reels or something on their own phones with volume on high, not interacting or talking to each other at all.

At breakfast, there was also noise from a screen which I could hear from the other end of the long dining room. Dora the Explorer or something on full blast on a screen being watched by a toddler while their parents and grandparents just chatted amongst themselves.

The nightclub gear at dinner is probably the one that didn't bother me that much: woman's right to choose what she wears etc, but the rest just surprised me. It just felt like a drop in standards of behaviour somehow. Not what you would have witnessed even 10 years back.

There was a much older guy in his late 70s or something who walked into the bar in the afternoon to meet some friends and he was dressed very stylishly in a jacket and shirt and was even wearing a hat (like a trilby kind of hat, not a beanie or something). He stuck out a mile, but in a good way. He had nice manners too. No bare feet up on the tables for him Grin Made me wish a bit that we could go back a bit to the days when people made a bit more of an effort to make themselves presentable in public, and to avoid behaving in an anti-social manner.

Have times moved on, and I'm just not keeping up, or have standards of public behaviour dropped?

Bore off…. You have no idea the price of any of the clothes which makes the point of the post a ruse to moan. Should 20/30 year olds hibernate in the ‘hard times’ so that only old walkers can enjoy the lakes? Soon see a huge decline in the hospitality industry..

NOTANUM · 21/02/2026 20:38

I agree with most of this especially playing videos, letting children charge about, looking scruffy or wearing PJs to breakfast.

I don’t care about young people dressing up the nines for their night out so I don’t agree there.

Sadly the “bottomless brunch”/instagram culture has pervaded all parts of our lives including hotels. We are losing common manners.