For the love of God why am I such an idiot?!

[scoobydeedoo]

Please help me feel better about what a tit I am!

There I was in Herons just casually browsing the frozen bargains, waiting for DH to catch up with me after parking the car. He comes to stand next to me, I glance up and see his grey coat and think "good he found me".

Then because I'm a creep, I siddle up to him and say under my breath in my sweetest Southern belle accent "well I thought I spied me a sexy man". I'm sure you can guess where this is going? I looked up, it was NOT DH but a complete bloody stranger 😭 I stand there and look at him for a few seconds realising what I've done while he determinedly avoids my gaze and then walks off.

I don't think I've ever had such a moment where I have wanted the ground to swallow me 😳

The bf was probably hiding in his bedroom under his bed covers. And our priest was my boyfriend’s landlord!

A truly awful experience 🤣

I wish we had the laugh emoji here 🤣 I’ve not done that but my kids have mistaken another mum in a kids museum for me and she found it really funny as we did sort of look alike .
And then my youngest went up to a man in M&S and started putting stuff in his trolley saying “ I’d like that dad “
He had the same jacket as my husband, same glasses 🤓 on , same hair but really didn’t look like him facially and was a few inches shorter.
This man really wasn’t amused at all 😩you’d have thought he would just laugh about it but no he was quite pissed off

What is it with Asda? I wonder if these things happen in Waitrose 🤔

Good job the woman never did you for assault...How stupid are you?

Omg! What did he say / do???

I was 10yo and we (family of DM, DDad, 3 siblings and me) parked up to grab morning tea from the local bakery. As soon as we get parked up, exactly the same car parks right beside us. Exactly the same, including a unique modification that we'd not seen elsewhere. DDad remarks "I'd better not forget which car is ours!" and pops into the bakery. The rest of the family stay put in the car. Except I got restless and decided to go into the bakery to chivvy my DDad along (he was a chatterbox). He confirmed he would be right there and to get started ahead of him to go back into the car. Duly following instructions, I go back into the carpark, open up My door (we all had allocated spots in the car), get seated while confirming that dad is coming, buckle up and then look up to find a random family all looking at me inside their car (and my own family ROFL/effectively wetting themselves in the car one over). I still cringe when I think of it.

When the kids were small we were walking through a museum exhibition. DH was in front, me bring up the rear and the kids somewhere in between. The room we were walking into was accessed by a darkened corridor to set the mood for what was coming up and it was a bit busy with other people. DH reached down to grab the hand of one child, but didn't look properly. He'd actually grabbed the hand of a lady with dwarfism who was about the same dimensions as our 6 year old. It was so awful it was hysterical. I had fits of manic laughing about it all day every time I remembered her shocked look and my husband's face stricken with terror at his faux pas.

Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious! 🤣

When I was about 8, I was in Blacklers, a
big department store in Liverpool. My mum had told me not to move, and I could see her, looking at clothes. Then I was grabbed by my sleeve, twirled round and slapped on the leg. I screamed, and the woman who assaulted me said - to my mum, not to me - that she was sorry, she'd thought I was her daughter. My mum said: don't worry, it could happen to anybody, and told me to stop crying! The injustice of it still gets to me.

That’s so wrong and shouldn’t be funny but 😂😂😂.

These are hilarious.

"Hey up fat twat" is my favourite 😂😂😂

Not as amusing but a few years ago I was in Card Factory with the kids so they could chose father's day cards. Eldest was about 13 or 14, tall and lanky wearing the ubiquitous black puffer jacket. We were side by side looking at the cards. He fidgets all the time (ADHD) and kept jostling me. I said jokingly "stop bashing into me you pillock" and a young lad (same height, same coat) stammered back "sorry Miss!" Whilst my actual son cracked up with laughter a few feet away.

A colleague (who I adore but she has a way with words) once walked into the kitchen at work

One of the lads was cleaning the doors of the cupboard by standing,spraying,leaving it a few seconds and wiping

Colleague walked up and almost shouted (shes slightly deaf) 'i wish I got paid to stand and squirt!'

Of course she yelled this just as there was a lull in conversation in the building

We all lost it and the poor woman just stood there wondering why we where all pissing ourselves laughing