For the love of God why am I such an idiot?!

[scoobydeedoo]

Please help me feel better about what a tit I am!

There I was in Herons just casually browsing the frozen bargains, waiting for DH to catch up with me after parking the car. He comes to stand next to me, I glance up and see his grey coat and think "good he found me".

Then because I'm a creep, I siddle up to him and say under my breath in my sweetest Southern belle accent "well I thought I spied me a sexy man". I'm sure you can guess where this is going? I looked up, it was NOT DH but a complete bloody stranger 😭 I stand there and look at him for a few seconds realising what I've done while he determinedly avoids my gaze and then walks off.

I don't think I've ever had such a moment where I have wanted the ground to swallow me 😳

Oh and men do similar! In Lidl a man pushes a trolley in front of me. Screaming child in trolley. He says “ I have had enough, you take her”. I do as I am told and start wheeling trolley, chatting to little one, who is of course delightful for a stranger. A couple of minutes later the Dad reappears and said “ oh sorry! Thought you were my mum, same coat and hair”

Proper laughing 🤣 We need the emoji back!!

Thanks for the laughs @scoobydeedoo !!!!

I once saw my brother in tesco

Walked up behind him,jabbed him in his back and said 'hey up,fat twat'

Had to do the walk of shame round the alsles when a pissed off stranger turned round and just glared at me

I have dickhead moments all the time but that one really chilled me to the bone

I recall doing this when I was a child.

Mum left me outside a shop. I was engrossed in comic and when I heard the shop door opening again, just reached up and took the hand. After a few steps, I heard "You've got the wrong mam!"

Ever heard of something called prosopagnosia? Also known as faceblindness and effects approx 2% of population, you struggle to recognise people by the face but rely on other prompts such as hair, clothes, gait, expectation of where a person should be.

I was once meeting my friend in a pub - I walked in and saw her standing with her back to me and ran up and slapped her arse really hard (so hard it made my hand sting). It wasn't my friend and the poor woman turned round like WTF just happened 😨😅

I had another arse-related incident in the car park at Asda years ago. I was driving round looking for a space and saw my friend walking along, I rolled the window down and shouted 'Oy fat arse!' It wasn't my friend 😰😭

Hilarious stories 😂
One of my DS’ friends (year 7) (who doesn’t know me) tried to get into my car after football because our cars are identical. He was mortified 😂

This thread is hilarious 😂

Sorry to lower the tone...

I was in Asda years ago with DH, I slipped up beside him felt his arse and said fancy a fuck tonight?

It wasn't my dh 😳

Yes I am sitting here burning up at the thought of it years later.

This is hilarious! It's also happened to us all to some degree! Back in the early 2000s, my mum used to let me and my sister go off shopping in the centre while she did her own thing. We then had to meet her by the town clock. Always lots of people milling around there. Me and my sister started "sneaking up" on "Mum" (a lady all in black with a blonde bob) who had not seen us. Might be worth mentioning we both have bad eyesight but at the time never wore our glasses. Just before I jumped on this woman's back and frightened the life out of her, I realised it was NOT MUM.

I think this is my fave – really made me lol.

I especially love that the child was so delightful.

My best effort is when I walked out of the swimming pool to see a woman trying her key in my Toyota Aygo (white, they all are). She turned to me and said “The zapper won't work and now it won't open with the key.” I said “that’s because yours is the one with white door handles, parked next to mine :) ” she was most apologetic.

When i was pregnant with dd2 I had some moments of total brain fog.

The one that sticks in my mind is my dad had our older daughter and he was bringing her home so we waited at car park for him. So my dad drives up. I open the door where she would be sitting to find it wasnt my dad and some random who had the exact same car and colour as my dad!

My dad came in about 2 mins later and the guy was in fits of laughter when he saw the car and my very red face.

DH was at a rock festival a couple of years ago, peacefully watching the band and a woman came up behind him jumped onto his back and kissed him on the head. She was absolutely mortified as she realised that he was not her husband!

My friend and I did that outside a pub when we were young. The chap took us to the next pub and then told us he wasn’t a taxi… didn’t charge us though! He didn’t come in, so he wasn’t being creepy- just drove back to the original pub!

Nooooooo 😱😱 you win the thread, thank GOD I didn't say that 🤣

Went to the relaunch of our favourite nightclub with my mate. Didn't see the new stairs... Tripped up grabbing the first thing to hand.
Which was the jeans of the lad in front... Glad he was wearing pants underneath. I died a bit that night.. He was young enough to be my ds... I was mortified..

@scoobydeedoo honestly I am a walking disaster 😳

🤣🤣🤣 this thread has me in tears

I once went upto a friend at a fancy dress party and tapped on his comedy joke-shop false buck-teeth and told him that if I squinted he actually made quite a convincing woman.

Yeah. It wasn’t my friend; it was a stranger. And ‘he’ was a she. And those teeth were her real teeth.

Worst. Moment. Ever.

👏 👏 👏 thank you so much for cheering me up. I love this, so funny 😁 😂

Ah... This will be a moment when you're sleeping peacefully at night for years to come and your subconscious goes pssst, psst... Do you remember the time when you walked up to and sexually harassed a random man in a store... Anywho... Sleep tight!

I heard a great one but it’s second hand. About a pregnant woman who had to go into work to sign something quickly so husband was waiting in the car. The work was in an old building with steps going up to it and a circular drive out front. She came out of the building absolutely furious about something and in a real rush to leave so got in the car and said ‘just drive’ to her husband. Only when she looked over mid-rant, she realised it was not her husband at all and she’d got into a strangers car. She asked him why he had driven off and he said ‘when a pregnant woman tells you to drive, you drive. He had to go round the roundabout again to let her out of his car!

I rounded the end of the supermarket aisle and saw my 8 year old son picking his nose. I marched up to the aisle telling him loudly that it was a truly disgusting habit, and to stop it at once. Only it wasn’t my son. The kid’s Mum, who was a little further along, fell about laughing, but I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

😭😭😭😭

Haha I've done that too! I'm short so asked the nice supermarket man if he wouldn't mind grabbing me a couple of things from the top shelf . . . then made polite convo 'We're keeping you busy aren't we heh' (it was just before Xmas). He then said he didn't work there. Was very nice about it. @scoobydeedoo there was post here ages ago when someone as a joke farted on her husbands thigh when she saw him in a shop . . . . yep you guessed, it wasn't her husband.