For the love of God why am I such an idiot?!

[scoobydeedoo]

Please help me feel better about what a tit I am!

There I was in Herons just casually browsing the frozen bargains, waiting for DH to catch up with me after parking the car. He comes to stand next to me, I glance up and see his grey coat and think "good he found me".

Then because I'm a creep, I siddle up to him and say under my breath in my sweetest Southern belle accent "well I thought I spied me a sexy man". I'm sure you can guess where this is going? I looked up, it was NOT DH but a complete bloody stranger 😭 I stand there and look at him for a few seconds realising what I've done while he determinedly avoids my gaze and then walks off.

I don't think I've ever had such a moment where I have wanted the ground to swallow me 😳

I love this thread its totally cheered me up!
I remember when when I was a young teenager 14 or so. I was shopping with my dad in Tesco when he went off to look at food I went to look at cosmetics and lady pads. When I got what I wanted I went to look for my dad but couldn't find him and looked all round the store for ages for him and then i saw who I thought was my dad. I wasn't wearing my glasses so I shouted over to the man.. "Dad I've been looking all over for you for ages I'm so glad I've found you at last..". The poor guy looked horrified yet shocked and his face was bright red and stood there staring at me speechless then a woman who i guess was his wife came up glaring at him saying to me "Who are you".. When I looked I saw he wasn't my dad and I said "Oh sorry I thought you were my dad" then quickly left. I was so quiet back then. When i turned round his wife was shouting and yelling at him.. I was so embarrased and was only young. I went out the store and waited outside for my dad..

Oh my fuck 😂😂

I can't make you feel better, but I have done something similar myself (grabbed the wrong hand)

What did the stranger say?

Absolutely nothing, he just kept determinedly looking into the freezer 🤣 when I realised it wasn't DH I took a few steps back and looked at him on horror thinking 'do I say sorry I thought you were my husband, I promise i'm not a creep' but he didn't acknowledge me so I wasn't sure if he heard. So I turned and legged it!

I really wish you winked at him or finger gunned him and said like have a great day or something, then walked away. As if you meant to do that to a complete stranger 😂

This is the kind of stuff id like to see in the news more 😂

Love these stories.

I had it happen to me in reverse. I was on a beach on holiday when I was a teenager. I became aware that a man further along the beach was staring at me and then started shouting ‘Abigail! Where have you been? Come here!’ He continued ranting really loudly, while striding towards me. He was having a right go- telling me off for wandering off and not telling him where I was going and letting me know that he’d been worried sick. Lots of folk were turning to watch the drama unfold. I wasn’t really sure what to do so just stood there like a lemon until the guy got close enough to see that I wasn’t not in fact the person he was looking for (I’m guessing his daughter). He was so embarrassed, poor man. God knows why I just stood there and didn’t shout back ‘I’m not Abigail!’ 😂

This was someone I worked with years ago:

She had a new car (think it was a Corsa). Anyway she went to the supermarket, got her shopping, went out to her car and tried to open the door with the key. The key wouldn’t work. She remembers an article she’d read about the central locking in new Corsas sometimes jamming and that it can be released by banging on the door just below the lock with a tennis ball (yes I know!). She thinks…’I haven’t got a tennis ball but I’ve got some pears in my shopping’ so she starts bashing the car with a pear. A lady approaches to ask what she’s doing, my colleague starts explaining and then spies her actual car two rows away. Apologises profusely, thankfully car not damaged, drives home, starts to tell her husband what happened and he says ‘but your car doesn’t have central locking anyway…’

On a seafront walk teen ds jumped the shoulders of his big db walking along.
It wasn't his big db.
Luckily a lad in his class though and ds didn't get a good hiding.

My friend at work was getting married - we both travelled in from the same train station and parked our cars in the same carpark. My sister was living with me at the time and, on the day my friend was finishing up for her wedding, we thought it would be good fun to decorate her car. So we arrived at the station for the later train, balloons, ribbons and “here comes the bride” signs. We found her car, parked in her usual space, got busy. The car looked like the wedding fairy had thrown up on it. Helium balloons, flowers tucked everywhere.

That night the three of us got off the train, where my sister and I watched said friend walk off in the opposite direction, get into her completely unadorned car and drive off. Turning to look we saw a 40 something man staring at his car, completely bewildered, slowly picking flowers out of the door handles. He was so confused he didn’t see two women literally holding each other up, laughing hysterically having got the wrong car.

We were too cowardly to tell him about our mistake, and I spent a week or so living in fear that he’d check cctv and we’d be done for vandalism.

I sexually assaulted a bloke once in Waitrose 🤦‍♀️ pinched his butt

the look of utter horror on my face when he turned round had us both laughing pretty much uncontrollably. DH wandered up and was utterly bemused.

Made the old blokes day 😬

Absolutely hilarious 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Howling.

Imagine getting back to your car to find a madwoman smashing a pear into the door.

I've just got back in from my dentist appointment. Only 4 days early. Better than late I suppose.

At church once, I was making my way along the pew and passed my Mum who was standing chatting to her friend in front. I shook her playfully round the waist and sort of whispered 'Budge up, fatty!' in her ear.
It wasn't my Mum.

I know! She was the loveliest lady - a Welsh nurse….I can just imagine her sweetly explaining what she was doing and why it was a good idea just before she realised it wasn’t her car!

That's hilarious. 😂I think I'd have immediately apologised though & said I thought you were someone else.

I've had a wrong car situation in the past. It was pouring rain & with my head bent I climbed into the passenger seat of a car with a man sitting behind the wheel. It was only after I closed the door I realised I was in the wrong car. Thankfully the driver saw the funny side. 😆

I used to work on checkouts at a supermarket. DH finished work earlier than me, so used to come in for a coffee at cafe (which could be seen from checkouts) while waiting. He always wore bright red coat and had (has) grey/white beard. It's only when you are a certain age you realise how many men of 'a certain age' wear red jackets with grey/white beard. There was one guy (not DH) who I always waved at, and several others who I called out to 'I won't be long'...
I blame my appalling eyesight. They just thought me 'the weird one'.

I reached out behind me for DPs hand whilst going through a hotel lobby… it was only when we got outside and I turned to speak to him, I realised I’d dragged a complete stranger with me! ( I thought DP was lagging behind… no wonder!)

The worst one…

We were in the sea at Bournemouth and it was quite rough, big waves throwing us around, we were having a great time, it was like a free water park!

One big wave turned me upside down in the water, and pulled the front of my cossie right down to my waist… I said to DP “hey, look at what that wave did” and turned to him with my exposed boobs… except the sea had turned me in the wrong direction, and I was showing a rather startled elderly man my bare boobs!
Oh My God!!
DP nearly drowned laughing as I was apologising over and over at this poor man who was trying really hard to swim away!

22 years and I still burn with shame!

Thanks for this thread, I have stitch from so much laughing.

I've turned up a day late for a long haul flight, twice.

Playfully jumped onto the school bully’s back because she was wearing an identical red polo necked jumper to my sister. She wasn’t impressed.

@IfYouDontAskYouDontGet this has killed me off 😂bare boobed

Gawd my mum pinched my Dad on the bum when he was waiting at a crossing. I vividly remember him turning around and my mums face when she realised it was just some bloke in the same coat 🤣 it was 30 years ago and I don’t think she’s over it yet.

@PearlTeapot

I was expecting better from a Marks & Sparks swimming cossie…

That poor man… I bet he thought I was a brazen hussy! 🤣

I think this one has to be my favourite! Banging on the door with a pear!! I'm in stitches... 😂

Loving this thread… bit of fun for a wet and dreary Monday night!