For the love of God why am I such an idiot?!

[scoobydeedoo]

Please help me feel better about what a tit I am!

There I was in Herons just casually browsing the frozen bargains, waiting for DH to catch up with me after parking the car. He comes to stand next to me, I glance up and see his grey coat and think "good he found me".

Then because I'm a creep, I siddle up to him and say under my breath in my sweetest Southern belle accent "well I thought I spied me a sexy man". I'm sure you can guess where this is going? I looked up, it was NOT DH but a complete bloody stranger 😭 I stand there and look at him for a few seconds realising what I've done while he determinedly avoids my gaze and then walks off.

I don't think I've ever had such a moment where I have wanted the ground to swallow me 😳

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Actually in tears here with the laughing, thanks for the giggles on a Monday night!

Dh has a doppelganger at work. He was bending over and I was thinking of slapping his arse. Good job I resisted the urge as it wasn't dh but the doppelganger. My sister has pinched a randoms arse in the same circumstances. It's a miracle no one has been done for assault yet. Luckily her dh was wearing the same coat so the random man believed it was a genuine mistake.

Ahhh this has made me feel so much better 😂

God bless all us unfortunate people who mistakenly pinch random men's bums and call them fat twats! If we don't laugh we cry 😁

I blame the men of a certain age who have colluded to all dress identically to confuse us! I recently met up with my parents at a nearby garden centre, and sent my teenage son off to track my dad down in the cafe and join him while mum and i perused the plants and nick-nacks. 3 minutes later son comes back saying "i couldnt find him - they all look the same!". Mum and eye roll our eyes thinking he's just doing the usual thing and I tell him not to be so daft go and look properly, before seeing my dad walking over. "Never mind, there's Pops now" I say as he gets nearer. Nope, not Pops, an identikit older man. We passed several more "not Pops's" on the way to the cafe, and when we arrived they did, indeed, all look the same. Was like something out of the twighlight zone. Except with walking jackets and chinos.

I was in Specsavers today trying on glasses and a lady old enough to be my mum gave me some glasses and said they would like nice on me so I tried them on too. When she turned around properly and saw I wasn’t her daughter we both laughed.

I was in a busy restaurant with my cousin and her toddler. The tables were close to each other, with a long row of benches on one side, and individual chairs on the other side. I was sitting on the bench, surrounded by handbags, coats, scarves… Halfway through the meal, the toddler starts getting impatient and we were struggling to calm him down. I grab my cousin’s bag and start looking for the toys we threw in before we left home. I can’t find anything so I’m going through every pocket as fast as I can while my cousin is getting more and more stressed and the toddler starts crying. Suddenly, the man at the next table turns to me and says: ‘’excuse me miss, may I ask why you’re going through my wife’s handbag?’’
Mortified!!!

I was on holiday with my bf, walking up a famous tall monument. When I reached the top, I turned around and realised that I was feeling dizzy and scared looking down. I tried to steady myself by grabbing my bf’s coat, who was right in front of me. After pulling at his coat a few times, the man turned around and I realised that he wasn’t my bf after all. Presented with the option of admitting i’d made a mistake and feeling really embarrassed, I decided to act as if grabbing a strange man’s coat insistently was exactly what I had planned. So I confidently took the man’s hand and told him that I was on my own, that I had bad vertigo and I needed his help to get off the monument. As we were walking down the narrow steps hand in hand, my puzzled bf was walking up, looking at me in complete shock 🤣🤣

I was once stood inline waiting to pay for something and a man came up behind me putting his arms around my waist and cuddled me from behind! He was embarrassed to death and so was I 😂

Carefully wrote down address of colleague to collect her from home to go to work as her car off the road.

Nice chap answered the door, I said I'm collecting Sarah. Sarah wasn't ready he said, and invited me in, chatted. Finally Sarah comes downstairs. Complete stranger. Total confusion, she didn't believe me, left hurriedly.

Turned out I'd got my lefts and rights muddled. The real Sarah was annoyed at my lateness. No good deed goes unpunished:)

This one doesn’t quite fit in this thread but I just have to share it!

I was 15 and in high school. It was during the Christmas Fast, close to the winter school holiday. Our local priest, who also taught our Religion classes, would make us all go to church to confess our sins, which was terrifying for the young girls who had kissed boys :).

I had just started dating a boy, but I had to see him in secret as my parents thought i was too young, plus we were observing the Fast, blah blah 🙄. My new bf and I were out one evening walking around in the bitter cold (no money to go to a cafe or a movie), when he suggested that I go back to his place - he was from another town so he was lodging in an older man’s house. His landlord was away for the evening, so we had the flat to ourselves. We made popcorn and started watching a movie.

All of a sudden, we heard someone trying to unlock the front door but failing to as it was locked from the inside. My bf looked absolutely terrified. He kept murmuring ‘’it’s my landlord, you must hide’’. I wasn’t actually worried, I didn’t believe that a male landlord would get upset if his young lodger brought a girl home. We were very well behaved, none of my friends had had sex etc. I genuinely couldn’t figure out why my bf was so terrified. He tried to hide me in the balcony which I strongly opposed as it was soooo cold. In the end he shove me in the bathroom and agreed that he’d come get me out once his landlord went into his bedroom. And then he went and unlocked the front door.

I remember sitting on the bathtub, behind the door, and waiting, waiting… Eventually, the bathroom door opened and I saw, in the mirror facing the door, in his underpants, our priest and religion teacher! In his underpants!!! He was just coming in to brush his teeth, I guess.
I then, like a pious girl that I was, jumped out from behind the door and greeted him with the traditional hello: ‘’I kiss your hand, father’’!

I was out running. I pass a man walking about my age. A bit further a long I pass a young lad on his little bike peddling along best he could. He starts shouting "dad , dad where are you going?;Wait for me. Wait for me"
I was in absolute stitches for the rest of my run. I'm sure the dad was as well.

Just today in Waitrose I was standing next to a woman in the baked goods aisle when she handed me a packet of buns, patted me on the arm, and said "here's some of those buns you like". Then turned and saw me properly - said "oooh sorry, you look just like my mum". Her actual mum was behind me and about 40y older than me.

I was very gracious about it. On the outside.

"Hey up fat twat" 😖😂

Parents married 60 years so far, courting my Dad gave my bent over Mum the bum fondle….only it was my Grandma ..her Mum! Luckily she had a kind sense of humour lol x. Family legend tho

A few years ago I was doing last minute Christmas shopping and DH was picking me up at the latest cal metro station in the dark. I got off the train, walked over to a parked car, threw my bags of shopping on the back seat, jumped in the front saying thank goodness that's over ...the town was manic ...much to the surprise of the driver ...and even more to the surprise of another woman following a bit behind who opened the car door to discover another woman sitting where she expected to sit, just as sudden realization on my part happened and I made a hasty, apologetic exit. Only just in time remembering to collect my Christmas shopping off the back seat.

My own DH pulled up just afterwards to find me in fits of laughing and asking mystified ...was the town fun then ...as he knows I'm usually far from amused at last minute Christmas shopping trips. 😁😂😁😂

Omg you just reminded me of the woman I had an encounter with in a shop in a touristy place in Spain 😆 it was one of those Ale Hop shops with all sorts of stuff in.
I was browsing with my little boy waiting for him to choose some new sunglasses and this lady reached over her shoulder and passed me one of those little massage rollers on a stick and told me to try it out on her. I laughed and said ok and gave her a little massage and she was mortified that I wasn’t her sister 🤣
We both laughed about it though and she returned the favour and gave me a little roll with the massager so hopefully she didn’t dwell on it 😅

I love that she also massaged you back to make it fair 😬

Have you thought of prosopagnosia, otherwise known as face-blindness? About 3% of any population have it, and most don't know they do. Those who do (and I am one, as are most of my family - it's an inherited condition) make these mistakes often. You can go on line and test for it. Harvard University and Birkbeck University have done research on this condition, and produced tests.

I also mistook a stranger for DP in Asda but at least I didn't try to come on to him

DP has a bit of an internal heart over head bread debate where he wants the shitty white toastie bread but he knows he should buy the worthy seedy wholemeal version.

I left him battling his inner indecisiveness and went to get some other shopping. I came back a few minutes later and he was still dithering over his bread choices so I went up to him and said something like (not in a nasty way but just for emphasis) 'would you just like to fucking pick one so we can pay up and go home' to which the man turned around with a shocked look on his face at the same time as DP walked up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder.

Waiitttt... where was the bf... why was the priest there... who was the landlord... ROFL but i need answers!

Absolutely howling at this one 🤣 plus it's making me think of Anne in Motherland in the swimming pool episode

I once saw my Uber arrived and got in it. Mentioned how cold it was and asked the driver if he was having a good day.

There was an awkward silence, so I looked over and he was staring at me in silence, with a woman I didn't know sitting next to me.

He responded with something along the lines of "...Jenny?"
And she relied "Yes, that's me."

I mumbled my apologies, and as I left the car I saw my actual Uber driver looking over at me.
Quickly got into his car and he just quietly told me that it's always a good idea to check the registration number instead of the car model 😬

Oh God, yes!!
I’d forgotten Anne in the pool!😂😂

Im definitely not a “pop them out” sort of person… which made it all the more horrifying! 😳

I assaulted a man in B and Q. Dh and I were in a rush to get paint back to the decorator. We had a narrow range of colours that we’d shortlisted. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him looking at the blue swatches. This colour was not on our shortlist and we had no time for browsing! I nudged him forcefully with my elbow “what are you looking at blue for?” He turned his phone screen to show me a front door he was intending to paint. Nope. Wasn’t dh. Was some poor random man who just wanted to choose his front door paint 🥴🙈 Very obliging of him to show me though 😫🙈