Does anyone find going on holiday immensely stressful?

[unlikelychump]

My dh and I have a stressful relationship. We are where we are and try to do our best. We have 3 kids.

I'd love to hear what it is like for other similar families getting ready for holiday so I can tell if my life is abnormally brain exploding???

How old are the dc ?

Do you mean the 'where to go / what to book / how to decide ?
or literally the travel?
or 'being' on holiday ?

Booking the holiday fine
Packing and travelling nightmare
Being on holiday blissful.

What do you struggle with op?

Packing and leaving the house.

How every early I start, how ever much I do it ends in a row about dh leaving it to thevlast minute or not doing the basics. So we spen the first part of the travel not speaking.

I hate it!!

I also end up cross every time I pack and leave for holidays.

Also when kids were little it was “home life on tour” ie still had to mush food and keep them out of sun, find socks etc with little bits of holiday joy. Now they are teens it’s much more of a holiday.

I find everything about holidays stressful!

The task of choosing where to go, navigating organising it, planning, packing, the airport, transfer to wherever, finding decent food, getting where you need to go for sightseeing, sleeping in a strange bed that's not your own, being at the mercy of the weather, being around lots more of the general public/tourists, language barriers, being out the normal routine, the pressure to do lots and not miss anything but also pressure to relax, relax, relax.

And I don't have kids!

Is DH not pulling his weight? Why?

I sympathise and have been through the same.

We’re currently away with three kids and we don’t find it stressful. We do the following that works for us:

• There is a standard packing list already build and then either the night before or two nights before (depending on when we’re leaving) we go through and amend it based on where we are going
• We agree timings together (no one telling the other)
• We agree who packs what
• we travel very light and as long as we have passports (if needed) and a credit card no judgement
• we pack super light. When you’re only taking 5 T-shirt, one pair of jeans and a skirt you don’t really forgot anything.

Not sure if this will help but it works for us

I have never really enjoyed holidays away and prefer to stay at home and avoid the hassle.
I now a actively avoid going away for long periods of time. My ideal is a short city break, Friday until Sunday and then home. My other option is to go on craft courses over a few days and relax that way.

I know that this is seen as 'weird' by the majority!

I also realise that these options would not wotk for you. Hopefully some other posters will come up with a solution. I am also keen to find out the secrets of their holiday success!

I hate going on holiday. The planning, packing, cleaning house before you go, getting pet sitters. Then the stress of travel, other people urgh, no. Call.me boring but I love my home and am quite happy to stay here.

I love the planning, we book it all separately usually so can be lots of moving parts.
I don't enjoy packing but am getting better.
Travel, I love it and see it as part of the holiday.
I think i shifted when we got our van as although we've been away up to 6 weeks at a time, there's still the static and familiarity of your home space. Packing the van for a longer trip takes a long time though
..actually far easier to bung stuff in a suitcase.

A bit. Even if you are on the same page, travel and logistics can be stressful. Though we generally have a good, easy relationship, dh is more chilled-out about plans and travel than I am (not in a disorganised way though).

We are going away today, actually. Staying overnight at the airport, then flying early tomorrow morning (5-day Europeancity break). Dh has organised and booked everything for this trip, but hadn't looked at trains to the airport (90 min trip) in advance. I checked yesterday and there's a major bus replacement service so we're now driving and parking. I find the change of plan a bit stressful and would have looked at this in advance. Dc are late teens and 20, so they don't need any wrangling or organising, which makes it easier!

I don't clean my house before I go. It's in whatever state it's normally in! Obviously dishwasher has run, and fridge cleared if we are going for a while, but apart from that I don't specifically do a pre-departure clean. Any dust will wait

I stress about if there will be delays, travelling to the airport, how will I get to accommodation to hotel, what if its rains.
Once im there its fine, but I tend to exhaust myself with potential problems that probably won't even happen!

I have 3 DC as well and the logistics of travelling are challenging, to say the least! What we do:

• Only go to places that have a washing machine, that way you can travel light. It's not realistic going away for a week with 3 kids and just two pairs of jeans per child if you haven't got a washing machine.
• Get the kids to help as much as possible with the packing and carrying.
• start very early with the packing. I have the suitcases ready 3 or 4 days beforehand.
• Have realistic expectations. Going somewhere far away where everyone will be jetlagged is always going to be more stressful than staying in Europe.

In my experience, air travel is the worst with small or young children. Travelling by car is definitely the easiest!

Ok. So you have 4 children. My DH at least packed for himself and was capable of it. Could not care less about helping anyone else. Lists were my friend. Cases out in the spare room (or any space available) and a packing regime! At least get you snd dc organised. DH - sorts himself out.

I hate it. Whatever we go away at least 1 person is unhappy. DH is currently doing his annual guilt trip of persuading me to agree to going 'because he needs something to look forward to' 😒

I said I'd go if it's 1 week, UK based so I can leave easily if necessary. I'd much rather they all went without me. A week or so at home, in summer, would be lovely.

How old are the kids OP. Does DH do his own packing?!

My friend finds holidays stressful but she does all the washing and packing for the whole family … her DH does fuck all. And her kids are late teens! She literally does everything from research, booking etc.

She even packed a case for her 18 year old son who was going to Ibiza on his first lads holiday 😳😳

My DH has always sorted his own stuff out for hols and our DDs started packing their own from about 10/11. Sure they forgot some things but they learnt from it. And there aren’t many destinations where you can’t buy a few bits.

I find packing really stressful but now use a standard packing list along with packing cubes. That has really helped me!

once I accepted I had to do all logistics and give force “time we are leaving the house” time life was less stressful. When I was with exh and dc were kids I booked holidays, arranged logistics (never package holidays so typically 6-8 hotels in different cities, ferries, activities etc.) sorted dog care, packed for myself, dc, plus communal things, everyone’s passports into the passport bag, first aid kit plus medication needed etc etc, all he had to do was pack personal stuff and drive (I’d even have filled up car and stashed refreshments for trip, always carried loads of snacks, capri suns etc)

Think there are two different things.

Firstly, some people genuinely prefer staying home to travelling - that's just normal human variation, there's no law about holidays.

Secondly, there is stress related to the practicalities of the holiday or the dynamics of the people - that's not good and needs addressing.

If your holidays are not enjoyable, maybe have a year off while you sort out the underlying issues?

I find packing and getting ready to leave stressful. I get anxious the day or two before we leave - no particular reason, I think it’s a childhood thing but it does make me feel more stressed. I’m fine once I’m on the road, so I deal with the anxiety by reminding myself I wanted a holiday and I know it’ll be fine. Having a packing list and giving everyone a job to do helps. I also have a cleaner come in while I’m away so I don’t do a big house clean on top of everything else.

I think it’s normal to feel a bit stressed out of your normal routine.

I don’t particularly find getting ready to go on holiday stressful. Perhaps the literal morning off if it’s a real early flight but that’s mostly because the kids are still young enough that we need to get them dressed so there is a lot to do.

I do things like clothes, toys, flight bag for me and the kids. DH packs for himself and then he will do all the day of stuff, so clean the house after we’re ready, pack cables, kids sleeping stuff, bottles, nappies etc so it feels fairly even. It takes me longer to get ready in the morning than him so the stuff I’m responsible for is done days before.

To add, little stresses when you’re rushing or doing something you don’t normally do are normal but not so much that you aren’t on speaking terms at the beginning of your holiday.

We’re going away tomorrow (UK cottage holiday by car) and I’m lying in bed knowing I’ve got to stick a last wash on before packing my own stuff. DH will need to go to the supermarket for supplies but he’ll do that later or tonight. Nothing else is ready at all (family of 4 plus dog).

I’ve had years of panicking at this stage, but we’ve always had our holiday. We’ve never lost our accommodation (or missed a flight), been naked nor starved, so I’ve learnt that it always works out ok. I’ve learnt that DH will always spent the last 30mins having a freak out about security so I just sit on the stairs and let him get on with it without comment.