Does anyone find going on holiday immensely stressful?

[unlikelychump]

My dh and I have a stressful relationship. We are where we are and try to do our best. We have 3 kids.

I'd love to hear what it is like for other similar families getting ready for holiday so I can tell if my life is abnormally brain exploding???

Thing is I love holidays. I live for them. I coulx go by myself with the kids but he always wants to come and can be handy. We tend to go on DIY holidays. I dont want a flight/resort thing. (Probably dh does)

The problem is that he gets grumpy in thd run up, leaves things til last minute and also doesn't do any thinking. Of course I dont pack for him, I only pack for the 10yo the 12 and 13 have packed for themselves for years. But I do the food, snacks, coats, boots,ski kit, passports, timings, hotels, meals, etc etc. I ask him to double check the france driving list (high vis etc),empty the bins and clean the rubbish out the car etc. If he doesn't then he doesn't but I get stressed because he acts like he will then doesn't so I am left running around doing his jobs at the last minute,having done all my jobs in good time. And im then annoyed and he is grumpy as he knows he is wrong. But it is too late by then...

My DH would rather be at home. And in fact his passport is about to expire.
My DS prefers to be at home too.
My YA DD and I love to travel. So we go by ourselves now and everyone is happy.
Family holidays are stressful if not everyone enjoys them.

Agree with this which is why we only go on cruises.

This used to be my DH and I, so we pin pointed 10 trigger points and worked out ways to avoid them happening or deal with them if they did. Sometimes it was so bad we didn’t talk to each other until day two of the holiday. W H Smith at the airport was probably the biggest trigger so we decided to buy magazines and snacks before hand or for just one of us to go in at a time. Waiting for the cab to the airport was another one so now the person who booked it checks on the app if it’s on the way and the other one isn’t allowed to get involved but will be informed if there is a delay.
It’s worked wonders.

Ditto. I am seriously considering giving up travelling abroad. The airports , the stress, the anxiety. Not worth it. I’ve just come back from a week where it rained nearly the whole time. I’m exhausted and have caught some sort of virus. Nearly missed the flight home because of incompetent air port staff.

I don’t say this out loud very often but I actually really dislike holidays. I do them for other people but actually I would rather stay at home
and do days out. The packing to go makes me stressed and the travel makes me stressed and I spent lots of the time counting down to get home.

I’m not saying I haven’t had some amazing experiences and I’m not sorry to have been either. I’ve done some exotic trips and some massive road trips and seen a lot.

But I’d like to see all the places and sleep in my own bed. When they nail the technology for that and can beam me somewhere Star Trek style I’ll be ecstatic.

They aren’t the highlight of my year and I can happily go several years without them. Definitely not a priority spend. But I prioritise spending on ponies so I know I’m not the full ticket.

We’ve got three as well. I absolutely hate holidays. As soon as I book I lie awake worrying and imagining different scenarios. The actual run up is very stressful and then when we get there it’s usually a nightmare anyway and I don’t sleep in strange beds whatsoever. We’re not going abroad this year as I can’t face it. We’re going away on Monday and the youngest is already a bit off colour so it’s not boding well

Not holidays in themselves, but increasingly I really dislike airports and the plane bit - unless we go business class on the air miles. But that’s rare. But even then I’d rather not - especially anything long haul, since I really suffer with jet lag.

We took the kids to Japan last year. Colleagues (who prefer local holidays in their caravans) were floored I wasn't jumping about excited. I hate the run up, booking, itineraries, sorting money & transport etc. It's stressful. Once we arrive it's different. The world ceases to exist & i just love it.

Before DC it was easier. DH wasn't involved very much and I just booked whatever I liked! Now we have to consider DC, and DH has decided to use AI to create itineraries. I have to fight him every step of the way to prove why it's terrible. (It really was crap & I spent my Xmas break redoing it while he sulked).

Unfortunately DH spent last night conversing with AI about this year's choices and it was telling him how culturally brilliant it is to travel during a countries 3 day national celebration shut down and typhoon season was ok!! But he listens to it, so I'm now trying to explain the actual reality and present suitable alternatives.

I’ve always done it. In the rare times he has started to do it for himself I lose the plot as he packs tatty clothes and forgets all sort of things. Last time he started packing shapeless old t shirts and I just took over. I also book all the holidays and do all the organisation. I just can’t do it anymore. It’s too much. I’ve started forgetting things and making mistakes which makes me very anxious.

This is obviously a relationship thing not a holiday thing

Wow. I get out the suitcases, pack some stuff. How on earth can it take more than a couple of hours to put stuff in a bag? I am genuinely gobsmacked.

So he wears shapeless shirts on holidays, who cares?

I think a holiday is good, but the planning and finding is horrible.

I used to travel as a single. People may think this is easy peasy as opposed to having kids in tow. However you have no one to share the responsibility. That means noone taking turns to look after the lugage while you go to the loo or queue while you go off for some paracetamol or a magazine. You are stuck with that bloody luggage until you check it in.

I always has a "packing" list whereby I would tick off items as I put them in my case. One list for abroad and one for the UK. Another was a to-do list. Get currency, etc. Some items lived permanently in my case from one trip to another. I took as few clothes as possible. After all no one is going to know you are wearing the same 2/3 outfits for 10 days are they? And do you really care what randoms think.

We used to have absolutely massive rows before going away. Then my husband booked a holiday for 3 of his friends to all go skiing together. He immediately realised how bloody annoying it is when everyone just turns and stares at you for every little thing. He, hilariously, kept sending me screenshots of their questions (what is airport parking like, what's the luggage allowance, can we take liquids now, have we booked restaurants, where shall we eat, does the hotel do brekky etc etc). 3 nights out of 4 they had burger king because they'd not organised restaurants and they were fully booked. Gave me a massive hug on return and promised to properly engage from now on. If your husband has some really lazy friends I'd try this method.....
Joking aside, at the point of booking, write a list with him of everything, agree when things need doing and split it. I do packing, activities planning, local research, booking and restaurants. He does travel (taxi/car hire, airport parking) pet sitter, his own packing, holiday insurance and currency. If he doesn't then its his job to fix and I completely ignore any panic on his side.

I find the prep, packing and journey all incredibly stressful

I do!!

Thank you this made me laugh out loud, why do we do it! I haven’t even had children to take for years but still manage to make a big deal of getting ready to leave the house empty for a while, taking about a week to use up everything in the fridge making weird combination meals, the arrangements for pet care - the older I get the more I find it hard to leave home where I have everything exactly as I like it for my peace and comfort, so unadventurous!

When the children were tiny, it was a lot of work. We used to drive through france to go skiing. Long journey, lots of stops and skiing is quite full on with small children.

Now, they are all teenagers, pack thwmselves - so all is good. Dh and I pack seperately, I would never consider packing his bag! It takes me 15 mins max to pack.

We do a food shop together, now teenagers come too and choose their own snacks for the long journey.

I do chuck a bag together with kitchen stuff (we self cater half the week).

Its a doddle now - although one of the teenagers forgot his sallapettes!

I understand this but looking back I probably caused some of the stress. My DC are now in their 30s but when they were young my holiday preparations for a two week holiday involved 28 outfits for each of them and for myself. I would pack about eight pairs of shoes for myself and four or so handbags. I would clean the house, even the oven before we left, did a big Boots shop rather than take any half full shampoo bottles etc.

Now I wouldn’t dream of taking so much. One bag, a couple pairs of shoes.

Also I don’t really care for holidays now. We have only been away twice since 2019 and don’t care if we don’t holiday again. Strange how we change our minds about what’s essential and what’s not.

Agree. I'm in my 70s and don't care if I never go abroad again. I remember when air travel was exciting and fun, not the awful trial it is today. Plus we now live two hours from nearest airport, which adds another hassle. UK from now on.

I can imagine it is stressful without the support from your husband. Having a supportive partner who participates in family life makes nearly everything easier.

I do have a supportive husband who participates in family life. He’s just dyspraxic and impractical. I’m probably my own worst enemy because I like to be in control. Over the years I have just taken over. He does all the driving abroad.

Yes. Increasingly stressful. I find going away with DH extremely stressful because he does nothing to help and I get stressed and angry about the amount of work I have to do to make the holiday happen.
If I go away with just DD or with my mum or a friend, I find it much more relaxing.