Does anyone find going on holiday immensely stressful?

[unlikelychump]

My dh and I have a stressful relationship. We are where we are and try to do our best. We have 3 kids.

I'd love to hear what it is like for other similar families getting ready for holiday so I can tell if my life is abnormally brain exploding???

It depends who I’m with. Holidays with DCs are calm and lovely now they’re older. Holidays with Ex were more stressful as he’d always find a way to get in a mood and be grumpy or give me the silent treatment for little to no reason (once for 3 days over sausages!). Thankfully I don’t have that anymore.
Solo holidays are great too as you do whatever you want and have no one else to please.

I found holidays with EXH very stressful. Even before we had kids he was useless, one time we went away I spent the whole day before packing while he spent HOURS writing instructions for the cat sitter. That is all he did. The instructions were so long winded and in depth the cat sitter didn’t bother reading them (the cats were fine)

I don't find it stressful except for organising looking after cats. I'm single now (not because of holidays!) but before that I would organise myself and all the kid's things and ex would sort his own stuff. But I didn't find it hard, it was just slinging things into a suitcase and making a list of the most important things.
Usually when I go away I forget something but can buy it once there. Once I've left the house I just look forward to the holiday, even the travelling.

I've been a single parent forever, DCs are now late teens/early 20s and still come on holiday with me, obviously sort out their own packing.

I did used to find doing everything really stressful when they were younger and started to take two days off prior to leaving because I was always in such a rush. I still do that and really recommend it!

Holidays with XH were stressful, the prep, the holiday, the return. Not much to like really.

This is not about holidays, OP, this is about the challenges in your relationship. Most of us go on holidays with our partner without any arguments or stress etc. But if things aren't good at home then, yes, a holiday will probably just make things worse, because you're stuck together for the duration.

I have a big list that I print out, with jobs broken down across 3 weeks. That’s mainly to prevent dh doing things in illogical order, that I end up having to re-do.

We initial what we tick off, which is a nudge towards competition.

The day of departure list is particularly helpful because it reduces the amount of questions I get asked. Everyone just looks at the list instead.

Me ,esp with a dangerseeking Sen child .
Even the whole palaver of packing and passports and getting the airport on time givese raging anxiety .
This year I watched my whole family enjoy a leisurely breakfast before we flew off ,,I was the only one who couldnt eat due to sheer panic .
Then whilst I'm their I spend the time worrying about the palaver of getting home 😩.
We've booked again for this year them I e sold I'm definitely having a year off .

I’ve just come back from a 2-week holiday, where we were due to arrive a few hours before our luggage, so we had to pack stuff in hand luggage to shower/get us through the first evening, whilst observing liquid/handluggage guidelines.

Luckily our luggage arrived early, about 30 mins after we did, but I found that side of things a bit stressful.

Then the reverse on the way home - our cases left the night before we did, I had to make sure our hand luggage was appropriately packed.

I found all that stressful, whilst appreciating it’s no biggie to some people

Absolutely. For one thing I hate flying. I get very nervous about missing trains and connections. For years going on holiday meant a ferry too to get to the mainland then on to airport. And as I’m the only adult (widow) I had to arrange and take care of everything. I obsessively check I’ve got our passports and tickets and money and medicine (I’m type 1 diabetic). I remember being in the airport with our carry ons and my six year old son wanted to use the toilet, and I had my four year old daughter with me too. It was very busy and we went to the toilets and he disappeared down this long hallway and took FOREVER! Already stressed this almost sent me over the edge. Last time we flew I got separated from my (now much older) kids while going through security and my son left his carry on somewhere down the line and I put my passport in a pocket with a rip so it fell out the bottom (luckily another passenger found it and shouted out my name). Christ. Once on board and settled I get calm - there’s nothing I can do to prevent an accident so just put our fate in the gods.

Packing and leaving the house.

I hated it when kids were young because I was packing and organising me and three kids - as they got older and did more themselves it got so much easier.

It didn't help DH was making out it was odd I was so stressed - when he was just organising himself.

A game changer for us is getting our laundry done on our last day.. so at least I’m not coming home to 5 cases worth of washing. Obviously I’ve still to iron it, but that’s an easier task than waiting on the washing machine and tumble dryer.

It has fully transformed our holidays. And we go on a lot of them - 6 per year.

Yes I find the whole thing so horrendous that I stopped going for years. I thought I hated holidays.

Then I went away with my friends in January and had the best few days of my life.

Turns out I just don’t like holidays with certain people, when I have to do everything.

Set expectations ahead of time and have a plan and lists. It's gets better the more you do it. You mention you have a stressful relationship at rhe best of times though op. So I'd concentrate on that before I added holidays into the mix. Is your general communication together not great?

My husband and I are great as a team and it makes holidays so nice because I know between us we will of remembered mostly everything. Certainly all the important bits. It's the kids that make it stressful and hard. They need to be at the holiday place yesterday. I have a 3 year old that will unpack things as we pack 🫠

If we could afford it I'd send them all to soft play with a childminder and pick them up once the car is all packed and ready to go. We are yet to embrace a airplane holiday yet😬

Booking the holiday is stressful- choosing where to go but also I find spending large amounts of money stressful anyway! Afraid I’ll make a mistake.
Packing and getting organised for the holiday I don’t mind so much but I do always stress I’ll forget something (I never have!). I deal
with most or all of the admin- online check in, making sure we have all the documents etc.
My stress levels begin to rise from the night before, peak in security and I’m more relaxed by the time we are in the departure lounge. I’m the type that likes to be there four hours early and am a total stresshead in the airport. That is when OH and I are most likely to argue because he as highly strung as me.
The holiday itself is fine. It was more stressful when DD was little but she’s 11 now.

It’s not mandatory to go on holiday , especially with small children.

I feel stressed just reading that.😂

I don’t have any children, don’t live with my boyfriend, but I find going on holiday incredibly stressful. So many people have so many reasons that going on holiday is stressful for them, whether it’s organising with work, sorting cover for pets. Travelling with kids. Friction with partners. Family members being ill. Money. Health conditions. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. Holidays are supposed to be nice but unless you’re in the right headspace and it’s the right time it ends up being a nightmare

The first time someone told me they packed for DH too I thought they were joking !!!!

This is a husband problem not a holiday problem.

I think holidays are like kids the great moments out weigh all the bad stuff and the stress.

Honestly, we go on separate holidays with the children. We blame work, family commitments but it’s so much less stressful.

We had been married twenty years before we had kids.

every single time we had the PRE holiday argument. We know it will happen, we try and avoid it, but something makes it blow.

we recover quickly and then get on with it.

Perhaps a combination of all the things we have to think about. It’s always over something minor, never a big thing. But both will blow.

Yes I used to find them too stressful. Just all the work required to leave the house, having to clean and tidy for pet feeders, then all the mess when we got back. The dc however loved them and I guess that is what you have to remember.

To coin a mumsnet phrase, “you don’t have an xxx problem, you have a husband problem…”