Mother died this morning what am I meant to feel.

[LostTooManyScrews]

My mother died this morning. Im not sure what im meant to feel. I don't feel emotional at all. My sister rang me and I didn't know what to say. I just added if she was ok. Stupid question really.

There's now talk about a family meal. Which im not good around food. Also scattering of ashes

Also I didn't have a relationship with my mother for many years . So I guess im not feeling what my sister is. But I feel like n coming across very cold.

I do have another thread about visiting my mother. Which may explain better .

I don't know why I have posted really maybe to say it out loud.

You feel what you feel , not much you can do about it . FWIW I was very close to my mum and she had such an awful death over a period of about 6-8 weeks that all I felt was relief . Take care 💐

I have been virtually estranged from my mother too for many years after she married a sex offender and then, too old to have another baby herself, fought me for custody of my toddler.

She hasn't passed away but recently received a terminal diagnosis.

I would say that these situations are complex and there is no "right" way to feel. You also may not feel the same next week, next month or next year.

What you don't need to do is give a crap about how you are coming across to others. It isn't anyone else's business what you feel or how you express it.

Obviously if your sibling had a different relationship with her and is deep in grief, and you can support them without harming your own wellbeing then do so, but you don't need to put on a show of performative grief.

You don't need to pretend to be more impacted just because your sibling is. It's okay if you feel nothing. It's also okay if this changes in the future.

With complicated relationships sometimes the grief comes later - and it's grief about what could have been, if the person were different, rather than what was. Every reaction is okay.

So sorry for your loss. There is no right or wrong way to feel and those feelings with change hour by hour and day by day.
The day my mum died I went out to lunch with friends as it was pre arranged. Just do what feels right for you

It’s ok to not feel anything, or to feel ambivalent. Everyone’s experience of grief is different and will depend so much on our relationship with the person who has died. There is nothing wrong or abnormal about how you are feeling (or indeed not feeling).

I have the thread. Could be possibly a relief you want to feel?

My father died in January and I had no relationship with him for years. I haven’t cried or felt upset and I’m honestly not bothered if people judge me for that. You feel how you feel, so go easy on yourself.