Do you think it's a good idea to pool money together and live with my Mum?

[Jennypenny234]

My Mum and I were chatting about how we'd both love to have a detached bungalow, and she suggested we sell our houses and buy one between us, we'd ensure we had our own separate living rooms and bathrooms for space, but I'd feel better knowing I'm near her if she needs me, and Mum would also feel happier, has anyone done this?

We both own our homes outright, both are happily single, but Mum's 81 and I wouldn't want her to go into a nursing home, and she definitely doesn't want that either. I'd be happy to care for her if I possibly can as she gets older, and on paper it sounds a good idea for us to combine money from our assets.

I don't know what the implications could be though if Mum became eventually too poorly for me to look after and she needed to be in a home (hopefully it wouldn't come to that), could we be made to sell our new home to pay for her care?

Another positive post on how it could work out well living together.

The danger with that is that if your mum gives you her money to purchase a house, but she doesn’t own any of the property, it could be seen as giving money away. A promise from you that she can live there (until she can’t) doesn’t equate to the handing over of cash assets from her to you.

it’s hard when none of us have a crystal ball, but definitely seek advice from a solicitor.

I'd definitely seek advice on all the implications first.

If we did it this way, it'd only be with my Mum's permission, and we'd have everything drawn up legally to ensure that I couldn't just turf her out of her home, that wouldn't happen in a million years anyway.

I do need to read posts like this too, as I need to weigh up all the pros and cons (as does my Mum) of living with an elderly parent.
Right now my Mum is very sprightly and active, but I need to face the reality that she is getting older. Equally, I'm not young myself and what if something happened to me which put my Mum in the position of caring for me at her age?

There's so much to consider and I can't go into this with blinkers on, neither should my Mum.

Do you have children OP? If so, would you leave your half (or all) of the property to them in your will? Or revert to your mum?

I don't have POA, we definitely need to get legal advice on all sorts of possible implications to doing this.
I thought it'd be interesting to hear people's perspectives on whether or not it's worked out successfully for their families.

I appreciate all the posts

Yes I have Children, I'd leave my share to them, but with a clause stating that they couldn't sell or evict their Grandma. Mum would also leave my kids her share in her Will I believe.

How old are you OP? So long as you are over 60 by the time your mum has to go into a care home, you would not be forced to sell, the value of the home is disregarded in assessing assets if the home is still occupied eitherby a spouse or partner or by any relative over the age of 60. However you may choose to consider how a decision could reasonably be made if there was a choice between a better standard of care if she could sell her property and self fund, vs what she would get for free if her assets are disregarded in this way. That's not a decision to be made lightly and you wouldn't be able to act responsibly in her best interests if her best interests were in direct conflict with your own, so it's setting you up for a difficult situation.

Are you really really sure about the level of care you can provide though. Changing the nappy of a doubly incontinent adult with dementia is a really unpleasant task and it's very much worse if it's a parent that you really love and you are living with the constant grief that while their body is still alive, their mind is long gone and the relationship you had with them went with it. This isn't a thing that's certain to happen but many people feel that there is more dignity having these services done by a professional who can do the job and then go home and forget about work.

I am disabled and have been looking at buying a bungalow.

they are more expensive than houses of the same size.

certainly near me it’s rare for them to have two bathrooms but you may find one.
it would be relatively easy to find one with enough room for you each to have a separate living room

I think the previous poster is warning you about a potential deprivation of assets issue, rather than an issue for your mum.

If your mum is in good health at the moment it’s unlikely that should she need to go into a care home in the future youd have to sell the house. If you were over 60 at that point it wouldn’t be an issue, you couldn’t be forced to sell. However, the down side to this is that unless she was a self funder, she wouldn’t have much choice of care home. Does she have enough income to fund care at home in the future, eg carer visits 4x a day? If you combined your funds, would she be left with a substantial amount to fund a care home?

I know father & son who have two maisonettes in London.

Father owns upstairs one but lives in downstairs.Son owns downstairs one but lives upstairs.

The plan is when the father dies or moves into a home, the son will move downstairs and they will sell upstairs.

Yes I see what you mean

I think with the right house and location it could work very well.

Both my grandmothers lived in effectively either a neighbouring semidetached with a child or a separate flat alongside a child’s house. That way they continued to have their own house. But buying a house together as tenants in common could work really well as well.

As far as personal care goes - 1. Not everyone needs it in life 2 it’s not compulsory for a child living with them to do it, the older person continues to be eligible for professional care services just like anyone else. And 3 no, you don’t necessarily ‘just do it’ if it becomes a factor. My grandmothers did both end up in care homes but I can guarantee than happened far far later than would otherwise have been the case.

Something to consider as part of the plan is how maintaining/ funding the house would work once one person is living there on their own - renting out rooms might be an option. But for example I am pretty sure that if dp dies before me I will end up having to sell our house as it would be expensive on one income. But that’s ok, I’m happy to live here for the time that I can, and selling is always possible.

Would your mum have enough money left over to pay for care if it’s needed in the future?

I know you said you’d be happy to care for her, but what if she needs specialised care that you can’t manage at some point? Or you become infirm yourself and can’t lift her for example. Could you afford to have carers in to help?

The best bet would probably be for my Mum to just put so much into any bungalow we may purchase, and leave a sizeable chunk aside in case it's needed to help with care.

If and when anything happens to my Mum, I could downsize if need be.

We'd have to look into and factor in the possibility of carers and how much they'd potentially cost, I'm sure it's not cheap.

It'd be best to leave a sizeable chunk aside from the sale of her house I think, if we go ahead , just in case care is needed in the future.

Eligibility for care and care homes is means-tested so if she didn’t have mic in assets outside the house, the LA would fund care.

The poster commenting about a house not needing to be sold for care cots if a relative over 60 lives with the person is true so you would be do in this way once you are 60.

However you may choose to consider how a decision could reasonably be made if there was a choice between a better standard of care if she could sell her property and self fund, vs what she would get for free if her assets are disregarded in this way. That's not a decision to be made lightly and you wouldn't be able to act responsibly in her best interests if her best interests were in direct conflict with your own, so it's setting you up for a difficult situation.

That’s a good point. The flip side of safeguarding assets against being spent on care is that your mum then won’t have those assets to spend on care.

But care costs would be a potential factor wherever she lives! I don’t see why this would be such a huge part of this particular decision. Of course it is better, in a bad situation, to be able to make choices about care, and for that you need money. But if you have less than 23,500 in cash savings, you continue to be eligible for publicly funded care just like anyone else. With a family member living in the house, it should also be discounted as part of your assets.

However, over on the Elderly Parents board, the sort of daily support that is extremely difficult to provide from a distance and that can also be expensive, may be a lot easier to give if you are on the spot - the things like getting the shopping, changing hearing aid batteries, sorting out the remote control, putting heads together over a pension letter, doing more of the heavier gardening, keeping on top of out of date food, going to medical appointments. Not that I would ever say that someone should move in with their parent if their relationship isn’t in a decent state, or if their life is elsewhere, or if the parents cognitive state is making life impossible. But the fact is, care needs are easier to meet with a family member around, even if some of them are met by professionals.

It sounds like a great plan to me. As others have said just need to get the legal side right. We own our house as tenants in common not joint tenants, with a lifetime covenant that if one dies the other can live in the house or downsize. But the other doesn't inherit the other half therefore it can't be taken into account as assets for care home purposes. Our wills are set up that the house is left to the kids so when one dies their half is in trust for the kids. Something similar might work for you and your mum.

Providing legal advice is sought and everything is sorted and above board, I think it’s a lovely idea.
I know someone who lives in a little annex in her daughter’s garden. She has her own little fenced off garden and kitchen etc. She loves it!