Why am I still so bad at driving?

[Ihatedriving]

I've held a driving licence for more than 30 years and have driven regularly for most of that time but unlike most people have never progressed into a confident driver who will drive anywhere and now I'm in my 50s know I probably never will. For example, DD is at uni 2 hours away but I can't/won't drive there. If she needs dropping/picking up I have to wait until DH or DS are available to drive or she goes on the train. DS has only been driving 3 years and is already an excellent, confident driver.

I definitely wasn't a natural (don't have great spacial awareness) and took a while to pass my test. I've never mastered parallel parking so will only park in spaces I can drive into. I do drive everyday but only very local, familiar routes such as to work/shops/gym. When my kids were younger I did drive further afield for days out, even doing short stints on the motorway. I didn't love it but coped. However, in recent years I have regressed and lost any confidence I did have. I believe this is a combination of the increase in traffic and aggressive driving/road rage in my area (city suburb) and maybe menopause!

The other day I went to visit a friend who lives 30 minutes away. I've driven there several times but not for a few years. It involves crossing one of those big roundabouts with several lanes and exits, I always get into a tizzy on those and get confused what lane to get into. I looked at the map before going and got there fine. However, on the way back it was dark and rainy and I was having to go right round the roundabout instead of left as
on the way there so more challenging. I panicked, had trouble reading the signs/seeing the road markings in time and ended up dithering and going into the wrong lane. I got beeped at by the car behind and was forced to take the wrong exit and driving half a mile before I could turn round and re-enter the roundabout, thankfully getting it right second time around. I felt so stupid!

Why am I like this? Are some people just naturally shit drivers? I would add I've never actually had an accident but not surprising given I rarely venture more than 5 miles from home!

I’m the same. Not helped by the fact that my DH can drive all vehicles (40 tonne trucks & buses). I hate driving places I’m not familiar with or where I’ll have to find parking.

Re PPs post about anxiety and driving being a thing in menopause.

Being snide and rude is also a thing in menopause.

A tad scathing? I have a few friends who can't reverse into a tight space and will only look for spaces they can pull into forwards. Some people are good at some types of manoeuvres. I don't really parallel park as I don't need to in my day to day life. Yet I can reverse into the tightest spaces and weirdest angles and I've been travelling up and down the M1 on long journeys since I was late 20s. I only passed my test when I was 24. I had a crying baby/children in the back for many of those journeys too. People get used to the driving they need to do imo.

I can parallel park as I sometimes have to do it outside my house and can also reverse into spaces. However, I hate having to pull into a space and reverse out of it and try to avoid this if possible. Everybody's good at different things.

Honestly, and I don't mean to be unkind, but I think you are suffering from learnt incompetence and your DH has probably garnered a bit of male importance from it.

I am likely dyspraxic and wasn't a natural driver and had to learn by doing and doing and doing some more. Sat Nav helps tremendously and so does an auto.

I had a car at 18, my father was abroad and if I hadn't gritted my teeth nobody was going to collect me from college, help me move flats, etc. Parking was hard but I was in London so took myself to some quiet streets and practiced and practiced until it was done.

DH is a workaholic and had I waited for him to give me a lift or take me somewhere, I'd have waited a very long time. DD woukd never have gone camping with brownies because dh was always working; the DC wouldn't have got back from uni because DH was always working.

I think you have to set yourself challenges, grit your teeth and get on with it. For example - shopping 60 miles away. Collect yr dd from uni (stay overnight at an hotel to break the journey). Perhaps navigating the Periphique would be a little too much! But, honestly, what are you going to do if ds is on holiday, your husband's ill and yiur dd has an emergency.

You can always go round a roundabout a few times to position yourself in the right lane for the exit. I think a couple of lessons with a good instructor might help you.

Finally, and I think this is important. I bet you have a car with a low powered engine: 1L, 1.1L, 1.2L etc. You woukd be better with something more powerful so you know you can accelerate to get onto a motorway from a slip road or overtake a slow moving vehicle effectively and when there is other traffic.

Probably as you’ve managed to avoid a lot of driving, if you’re forced, you just gain confidence and get used to it, after a bit of stressing at the start! If you could ONLY parallel park outside your house for instance, you’d probably be expert by now as you’d just have to.
We avoid things that are uncomfortable by nature don’t we. If I hadn’t had to take my children to the most ridiculous places (mostly awful single track country lanes/farms/yards, horrible tight reversing and gates) for their hobbies, id have fully avoided that sort of driving,,but now it’s just like driving anywhere else for me as I learnt I CAN cope,
Oh and we all get lost on those massive multi lane roundabouts sometimes and come off the wrong one 😂

I'm the exact same OP. I passed my test 20 years ago but can't drive on a motorway and get very stressed/anxious if I'm driving somewhere new and busy. The longest journey I can do is about an hour. Locally i'm absolutely fine and feel very safe.

Same as me. Luckily I don't ever have to drive anywhere I'm not familiar or comfortable with.

This is also really interesting as I am very bad at the same things! I can't follow instructions for flat pack furniture, for example, and my sense of direction borders on non existent.

This sounds potentially dyspraxic - "I do think my poor spatial awareness is a factor. I'm also bad at team sports & ball games, maths, puzzles, lego etc and have an appalling sense of direction" Dyspraxia can get more pronounced post meno although there's far too little research on it.

Dyspraxic or not, you might find youtubes for dyspraxic drivers helpful as well as some great tips on this thread.

I'm the same, terrible spatial awareness, no sense of direction and can't multitask, I am most likely also autistic but I don't know if that's relevant. However I've had no choice but to drive (single parent, Dog, life in rural location) and I would say I'm a good driver now. Never had an accident. However going to new places still makes me anxious and I struggle with big, unknown roundabouts. The way to get over it is just keep doing it. Also an automatic car helps loads, if that's possible.