Why am I still so bad at driving?

[Ihatedriving]

I've held a driving licence for more than 30 years and have driven regularly for most of that time but unlike most people have never progressed into a confident driver who will drive anywhere and now I'm in my 50s know I probably never will. For example, DD is at uni 2 hours away but I can't/won't drive there. If she needs dropping/picking up I have to wait until DH or DS are available to drive or she goes on the train. DS has only been driving 3 years and is already an excellent, confident driver.

I definitely wasn't a natural (don't have great spacial awareness) and took a while to pass my test. I've never mastered parallel parking so will only park in spaces I can drive into. I do drive everyday but only very local, familiar routes such as to work/shops/gym. When my kids were younger I did drive further afield for days out, even doing short stints on the motorway. I didn't love it but coped. However, in recent years I have regressed and lost any confidence I did have. I believe this is a combination of the increase in traffic and aggressive driving/road rage in my area (city suburb) and maybe menopause!

The other day I went to visit a friend who lives 30 minutes away. I've driven there several times but not for a few years. It involves crossing one of those big roundabouts with several lanes and exits, I always get into a tizzy on those and get confused what lane to get into. I looked at the map before going and got there fine. However, on the way back it was dark and rainy and I was having to go right round the roundabout instead of left as
on the way there so more challenging. I panicked, had trouble reading the signs/seeing the road markings in time and ended up dithering and going into the wrong lane. I got beeped at by the car behind and was forced to take the wrong exit and driving half a mile before I could turn round and re-enter the roundabout, thankfully getting it right second time around. I felt so stupid!

Why am I like this? Are some people just naturally shit drivers? I would add I've never actually had an accident but not surprising given I rarely venture more than 5 miles from home!

Confidence/lack of? Not always a bad thing considering a lot of motorists are over confident in their ability (or don't care). Book some lessons to refresh yourself or do the Advanced course just to increase your confidence? Highway code is available online to consult re roundabouts and roadsigns

The simple answer is because you have no experience - and need to get it.

Everyone who drives experiences taking the wrong turning some time and thinking how the hell are they going to get back on the right road. The important thing is not to let it put you off driving but to chalk it up to experience.
AND if you have a car with satnav it tells you which lane to get in, well in advance.

Does your car have a good satnav? That would help.

After uni, I drove 300 miles away from my home to my new job.
I had to- no choice. I relocated.

I continued to do that journey back to my parents for decades. It included driving through London.

I suggest you get some lessons with an instructor you feel confident with. Go onto the roads you find scary.

It's actually dangerous IMO to be so lacking in confidence as a driver because there may be a time when you HAVE to do a journey you're not used to.

Arrange some lessons. Go to deserted car parks and practise parking as well. You should be able to parallel park and also reverse into a parking space between 2 cars.

I’m sure you are not a terrible driver but you’ve lost confidence. This probably makes you anxious and subsequently not make the best decisions at times?
Regarding the big roundabout , do you know what lane to be in? When learning, I looked at diagrams of roundabouts and the actual course I should take for each exit. Think about the correct signalling, awareness of the other lanes ( and where they are going) and your intended route. If you go wrong, take that route and regain your route safely- which you did! Other than maybe panic, you did nothing wrong.
Maybe find a really nice instructor and have a couple of refresher lessons. Good luck. You can get on top of this.

Could you be dyspraxic? There is a set of lessons you can book either as a just-passed driver or at any time really in order to increase skills and confidence behind the wheel. I tend to be a bit spatially challenged and I found it really helpful in driving lessons to be given specific techniques to parallel park ie - line this part of windscreen up with that part of car next to me, turn wheel this exact amount, reverse until I see this part of car in that part of window, stop, turn wheel opposite way until in this specific position and so on. (I have forgotten it all now sadly, as I never actually passed.)

Also, get eyes tested if you struggle to read road signs in the dark. Obviously visibility is always going to be worse in the dark but it's a good idea to have regular eye tests just in case.

Well you only become confident by mastering new challenges and having new experiences. If you never drive more than 10 minutes from your house, your range of experience will be tiny.
You gain confidence on motorways, by driving on motorways.
You gain confidence on big roundabouts by using them.
Parking takes practice like any new skill.

And get a decent satnav. I prefer Google maps to actual satnavs these days so practice with that.

First, do you have an automatic? It’s SO much easier as just takes away a couple of the things you have to think about with a manual.

Second, don’t compare yourself to your DS. Younger people especially young men are more confident because they assume they are good at things and that they are invincible - it’s not always a good thing! If they make mistakes they don’t dwell on them.

Perhaps book an eye test too if you're struggling to read signs.

I've driven for over 40 years but hate going to new places. To visit my daughter there's a new city bypass but however many times we drive it, I still get confused so end up going through the city and out the other end. To my thinking, I'm adding about 15 minutes on to my journey but far less stress. If I go through the city I know exactly where to go but if I use the bypass, I might end up going wrong.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. I've seen threads on here saying stuff like, "If you don't drive on motorways, you shouldn't be driving" etc. I've never driven on a motorway in my life and have managed fine.

Out of interest what is the longest drive you've done?

I'd think it was impossible to drive far without being on a motorway unless you live somewhere very rural and never go further than a few miles.

No UK holidays driving around the country?
I've travelled from north to south- Highlands of Scotland to Cornwall, sometimes as a passenger, other times sharing the driving.

Re. the bypass- doesn't it have lanes and signs to follow?

Does you car have sat nav helping you get in the right lane?

I’m the same, I passed my test when I was 18 and I’m now 40, and I only drive familiar routes. I’ve just accepted it as the way I am.

I have rubbish spatial awareness, I noticed someone further up the thread mentioned dyspraxia, I’m pretty sure I have that, and ADHD, which my eldest son has a diagnosis of.

It's practise you need.

Dyspraxia is more fine motor control, not spatial awareness per se.

I know- one of my family has it.

I think it's like anything in life, some people just aren't good at certain things... driving being one of them.

Get a good satnav and, if you don't already have one, get an automatic car.

Just accept the way you are and don't get too stressed about it as it will make things worse. Perhaps take a couple of lessons as a refresher.

Some people just have better spatial awareness and sense of direction than others. It probably is worth you having some refresher lessons to master e.g. parallel parking and feel more confident.

But don't beat yourself up. Driving is a complex skill and hard work in this country with all its complicated road layouts and overcrowded roads.

@IzzyStardust I live 200 miles from a motorway and have never done a driving holiday. I can think of nothing worse! Furthest I've ever driven is about 70 miles. Don't have sat nav.

Have you ever looked at street view. On a roundabout or somewhere you are not sure about you look at the area before you drive so you know in advance what to do and look for. Go along any roads or around roundabouts as if you were driving.

I used to.let my first husband do all the driving. He was probably better. Sadly he had to give up driving for medical reasons so I had no option but to drive always. My biggest achievement was a 6 lane motorway round Los Angeles....now that tested the nerve. I had to get across 6 lanes to get off it. My son navigating.

I've since remarried and I do tend to let husband number 2 do more driving again. I like looking at the view!

I can't help but I sympathise as I am exactly the same! Unfortunately I don't have a DH or a driving DC...and my car is ancient, manual and shit! As soon as I can afford it I'm going to try to get an automatic, and some refresher lessons

My mum is like this. It’s now incredibly life limiting for her.

I think it’s because you have an alternative, so you default to that. If you had no-one to fall back in you would by necessity do more and then by default you’d get better.

It all fell on deaf ears with my mother though and as a result she sees us far less than she could. Don’t be that person!

You should drive that roundabout every week until it becomes second naure. Then on to the next challenge. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

I am the same. Driving 20 years, and bloody hate it. Drive every day locally but already live in fear for the days my children need to be driven far away to play for sports teams rather than locally than they do at this age.

I think I have bad spacial awareness/ overthink things and have to make decisions quicker than I feel prepared for when driving. I've always been bad at crossing the road, gauging if I have enough time, as a teenager my friends would grab me across because I would be waiting all day til the road was completely empty. This now also includes merging and changing lanes as a driver, do I have enough time, and will my car fit in that parking space or can I drive through that gap. I'm always sure that no I can't, even although the bigger car in front of me has made it, I cant believe I can (i go anyway because logic says i can rather than relying on my own calculations) Are you like any of this? Also I frequently walk into things and my legs and arms are covered in bruises!

Why don't you use your phone as a satnav?

SIL's life has got a lot smaller since her late DH had to give up driving. She doesn't see us as much as she would like to because she won't make the effort and relies on us going to her - which we do, but when it suits us.

DH has had to give up driving for medical reasons. My office requires going on 2 different motorways to get to and DD is at university. If I didn't drive it would be a massive problem. I will continue to drive for as long as I can becausepubli transport where we live isn't great and I don't want to end up losing my confidence and only being able to drive to the supermarket, GP and dentist.

I’m the same. I’m diagnosed dyspraxic.

@RampantIvy I've no idea how to use my phone as a sat nav and for the places I need to drive to, I don't need one anyway.

What age did you pass your test ? I think if you learn as a teen you are more likely to be a confident driver.

That said - don't beat yourself up about the roundabout thing . It happens. I've had multiple times where I've done that and it's irritating but not something to feel stupid about.
Some roundabouts are badly designed.

I can parallel park but only really do it on a quiet road. I'm not a natural at reversing so tend to very rarely reverse into a space.

I think it does come down to spacial awareness. My driving instructor told me pretty much that I wasn't a natural- or rather she told me that others picked it up Quicker!

How often do you drive. Drive somewhere every day and you will improve