Why am I still so bad at driving?

[Ihatedriving]

I've held a driving licence for more than 30 years and have driven regularly for most of that time but unlike most people have never progressed into a confident driver who will drive anywhere and now I'm in my 50s know I probably never will. For example, DD is at uni 2 hours away but I can't/won't drive there. If she needs dropping/picking up I have to wait until DH or DS are available to drive or she goes on the train. DS has only been driving 3 years and is already an excellent, confident driver.

I definitely wasn't a natural (don't have great spacial awareness) and took a while to pass my test. I've never mastered parallel parking so will only park in spaces I can drive into. I do drive everyday but only very local, familiar routes such as to work/shops/gym. When my kids were younger I did drive further afield for days out, even doing short stints on the motorway. I didn't love it but coped. However, in recent years I have regressed and lost any confidence I did have. I believe this is a combination of the increase in traffic and aggressive driving/road rage in my area (city suburb) and maybe menopause!

The other day I went to visit a friend who lives 30 minutes away. I've driven there several times but not for a few years. It involves crossing one of those big roundabouts with several lanes and exits, I always get into a tizzy on those and get confused what lane to get into. I looked at the map before going and got there fine. However, on the way back it was dark and rainy and I was having to go right round the roundabout instead of left as
on the way there so more challenging. I panicked, had trouble reading the signs/seeing the road markings in time and ended up dithering and going into the wrong lane. I got beeped at by the car behind and was forced to take the wrong exit and driving half a mile before I could turn round and re-enter the roundabout, thankfully getting it right second time around. I felt so stupid!

Why am I like this? Are some people just naturally shit drivers? I would add I've never actually had an accident but not surprising given I rarely venture more than 5 miles from home!

I know women who won’t drive on motorways but it’s because they have never done it. Practice makes perfect

@RaraRachael You probably already have google maps on your phone. You just search for the address of your destination, turn up the sound on your media, pop it onto to a satnav holder and away you go.

You said you don't know how to use the bypass. A satnav will show you the way.

Also, a satnav is great for traffic updates and will divert your route to avoid delays and road closures.

I know my way to work, but I have my satnav on so that I can divert through Wakefield if the M1 is closed.

I never drive anywhere that I don't know the way to and I'm happy driving through the city rather than the bypass. Weirdly some of my friends hate the idea of driving through the city.
Tbh I don't do a lot of driving nowadays as I have a free bus pass 😁

Because you don’t push yourself past your fear to get better. If you keep your world and experience small then you will never grow larger to fill a larger space. Instead you are controlled by fear.

I am naturally like this, but I largely don't give in to it. I am a pretty good driver, I'd say, even though driving causes me more anxiety than the average person. I have zero sense of direction, so I use Google Maps unless I'm doing a very familiar route. I loathe city driving unless it's a route I know well.

My daily commute involves a bit of motorway and a route through the (small) city centre, so I am used to that, but would be very stressed about doing similar in an unfamiliar city. The only answer is to accept you don't like it but do it anyway and it will gradually get a bit easier!

I, too have a free bus pass but it rarely gets used as we have so few buses, and the ones that we do have don't go where I want to go. What would you do if your daughter moved? Aren't you afraid of your world becoming smaller because you won't do anything outside of your comfort zone?

I carry on doing the things that I do in the hope that I never become a prisoner of my own fears or anxieties.

My mum didn't learn to drive until she was nearly 50. She was driving on the motorway within weeks if passing her test. My Dad didn't drive. We didn't have a car until she passed her test when I was 16. She's still driving locally aged 88. I don't think age is necessarily a factor.

@RampantIvy my daughter won't move. If she ever did, I'd go by bus or train to visit.

It's not a case of my comfort zone. Why would I go to the stress of driving to Glasgow or Edinburgh when I can take the bus or train?

My world is fine the way it is. I go everywhere I want to, just rarely by car.

Some of it is practice. Things like parallel parking and reversing into a parking space - book a lesson for an instructor to go through what to look at, which angles to take and so on. And then practise, practise, practise in your local supermarket carpark or somewhere. I passed my test before parallel parking was included (I passed the last day before it came in,) but I live in a Victorian terrace, no off-road parking, and I have to parallel park every day. There are still days I have to pull out, straighten up, park again, but usually it's fine.

I use Google maps on my phone - I don't look at it, but I let it talk to me, tell me which junction to leave at and so on. I will have also looked at the route beforehand. The other day, I went round a roundabout twice because I missed the turning I needed.

I have had issues with signs approaching unfamiliar junctions and roundabouts where they are half obscured by greenery, but if you can't read them when they're clear, you need to get a sight test and not drive until that's sorted.

I didn't drive for about 7 years after passing my test (because I was away from home and sn impoverished student, mostly,) so I took a refresher lesson and a motorway lesson when I first bought one. But it was doing a daily commute which really gave me the practice and confidence I needed.

A friend developed terrible driving anxiety with perimenopause, so if that could be a factor, HRT might help - she swears by it.

You just didn’t do enough practice at the start to get good and confident at things like parking, roundabouts, long distance.

An intensive driving course to upgrade your skills may still be of benefit at your age.

Particularly as I think timid, under-skilled drivers are more prone to accidents in the long run.

I've been driving for 30 years and never driven on a 3 lane motorway, we don't have any in Scotland.

Trips south of the border have generally been via the east coast which is only a dual carriageway.

@RaraRachael I'm trying to think of anywhere in the UK that is 200 miles from a motorway.

The A1M goes from Scotland to London.

Where do you live? The Highlands?

Going on self catering holidays in the UK a car is essential with all the luggage we take- walking boots, clothes for all weathers, etc, and getting around at the other end. Trains are horrendously expensive.

The A1 becomes the A1(M) quite soon over the border

When you next get a new car, buy an automatic with a reversing camera - it shows you lines to follow on the camera, and will beep when you get too close and makes any type of reverse parking a doddle. Then practice things like the complex roundabout at a quieter time.
Everyone goes wrong on unfamiliar roads and it’s fine to make a mistake, go around twice, come off and turn around etc. Don’t let that bother you, and keep practising.

It does, generally at the point I'm turning off into Newcastle airport seeking sunnier places 😂.

At Washington, Tyne and Wear, but mostly 2 lanes either side.

The M74 and M8 have three lanes in parts, and so do the M80 and M9, but are in more urban areas.

@IzzyStardust I've never been on a self catering holiday in the UK and we get family discount on trains so get anywhere return in Scotland for £6 each.

I used to be a confident driver I would just drive places as I needed to go there so went. Now at 50 I don’t like driving much and I’m very anxious about new places so I don’t do new places. The more I don’t do it the worse it gets which I know but tbh I don’t need to go there so badly myself and if I do then my dh will take me. I do randomly think I need to overcome this new anxiety but haven’t yet.

Please stop driving OP if you’re so worried about how you drive then you really shouldn’t be driving.

DH stopped driving because he hated it, he then lost his confidence through lack of practice, and when he last drove a car he nearly knocked a pedestrian over on a zebra crossing.

I have since changed my car and he doesn't even know how to drive it and now I am the only driver. Do I resent him - yes a little.

Does your husband resent being the only driver?

Think about if your H dies or is unable to drive and how limited your life might be.

50 is no age at all.

I've been driving for 50 years.

If you've got anxiety consider HRT if you think menopause is the cause.

Yes, switched to automatic a few years ago, god knows how I ever managed a manual!

I'm actually shocked by that!

First by the concessions (assume someone works for the railways) and also that you've not been self catering in the UK.

We've done s/c for over 40 years from the north of Scotland to Cornwall. We're now of an age where lots of friends are buying huge camper vans and travelling the UK in them- you might have seen them all flocking to Skye!

Thank you for replying. To answer some of the questions:
my eyesight is fine. I can read the signs but saw them too late to process what I should be doing (wasn't sure whether to look for a sign or markings on the road).
I drive every single day and would be lost without a car but all my driving is very local, popping here & there. On the rare occasions I do need to drive further or unfamiliar I panic and will often cop out & get someone else to drive or take the train (tbh the traffic round here is so awful the train is often quicker)
I don't like driving and am happy to let others do it but I worry if we're ever to find myself on my own.
I don't think I'm dyspraxic but possibly ND, both my kids are but that doesn't stop DS being an excellent driver.
I do think my poor spatial awareness is a factor. I'm also bad at team sports & ball games, maths, puzzles, lego etc and have an appalling sense of direction. These are not things I can do anything about sadly.
Re getting some lessons, I think that would make me more nervous however kind the instructor was. I hate having passengers and avoid giving people lifts, even locally as I'm scared I'll get nervous, make a mistake and they'll judge me!
We are considering moving about an hour away, mostly motorway. Traffic is much better there but I would have to drive more as semi rural and possibly commute for a few years before retiring and the thought of that puts me off moving, although I'm sure I'd get used to it after I'd done it a couple of times as the route is quite straightforward (no big scary multilane roundabouts!)

Do you want to know a secret OP? Most good drivers fuck up with complicated unfamiliar roundabouts too.

What makes them good drivers is they accept the fuck up, and that they'll have to drive half a mile before they can turn around. As a result they don't try and change lane on the roundabout if it's unsafe to do so, and just suck up the added journey time, and chalk it up to experience.

It's sounds like you just lack confidence @Ihatedriving , and the only way to fix that is to do unfamiliar drives more often, and take a mindset that if you go the wrong way it doesn't matter. So you add a bit more time to your journey, it's just extra practice! Make sure you've always got your sat nav on so that it reroutes you if you do start going the wrong way.