Why am I still so bad at driving?

[Ihatedriving]

I've held a driving licence for more than 30 years and have driven regularly for most of that time but unlike most people have never progressed into a confident driver who will drive anywhere and now I'm in my 50s know I probably never will. For example, DD is at uni 2 hours away but I can't/won't drive there. If she needs dropping/picking up I have to wait until DH or DS are available to drive or she goes on the train. DS has only been driving 3 years and is already an excellent, confident driver.

I definitely wasn't a natural (don't have great spacial awareness) and took a while to pass my test. I've never mastered parallel parking so will only park in spaces I can drive into. I do drive everyday but only very local, familiar routes such as to work/shops/gym. When my kids were younger I did drive further afield for days out, even doing short stints on the motorway. I didn't love it but coped. However, in recent years I have regressed and lost any confidence I did have. I believe this is a combination of the increase in traffic and aggressive driving/road rage in my area (city suburb) and maybe menopause!

The other day I went to visit a friend who lives 30 minutes away. I've driven there several times but not for a few years. It involves crossing one of those big roundabouts with several lanes and exits, I always get into a tizzy on those and get confused what lane to get into. I looked at the map before going and got there fine. However, on the way back it was dark and rainy and I was having to go right round the roundabout instead of left as
on the way there so more challenging. I panicked, had trouble reading the signs/seeing the road markings in time and ended up dithering and going into the wrong lane. I got beeped at by the car behind and was forced to take the wrong exit and driving half a mile before I could turn round and re-enter the roundabout, thankfully getting it right second time around. I felt so stupid!

Why am I like this? Are some people just naturally shit drivers? I would add I've never actually had an accident but not surprising given I rarely venture more than 5 miles from home!

Dyspraxia can be both for some people. Fine motor and spatial awareness can be affected.

My 10yo has been recently diagnosed with it.

It differs.
Some people who have dyspraxia have excellent spatial awareness.
One of my relatives has it and they passed their driving test first time as a teen and are an excellent driver.

Sorry to hear this, I hope your son is OK x

I think some people simply cannot ever learn to drive.

My SIL is amazing in lots of ways but never took her test and she would never pass a driving test - ever. She just does not have that ability. She's amazing in so many ways but not this. In the event and by some miracle she passed a test and was on the road, I would put my vehicle on sorn immediately.

We are not all the same.

I agree that people have become more intolerant and impatient since lockdown. It used to be rare to hear a horn but now many people drive on the horn, driving aggressively and beeping at the slightest hesitation or inconvenience I have a relative who drives like this and has actually told me many times I'm a bad, dithery driver. I think that's what has contributed to me losing any confidence I did have. I too have had people overtaking me and putting their foot down as I wait for a decent gap in the traffic, making me look stupid. I've also given way to someone on a narrow street only to have someone come from behind and overtake me.

Maybe I need to turn it around - they are the bad, unsafe drivers, who are likely to cause accidents (accidents HAVE increased massively round here). I mentioned that DS is an excellent driver. While very confident, he is not a boy racer and is very safe. He sticks to the speed limit and doesn't take risks. He says he has been beeped for this many times but he couldn't care less as he knows he's a good driver.

Yes, exactly I had same. My school run is in narrow road with cars parked both sides so to get through i have obviously geive a way if car is coming towards me, I had car overtake me while I was actually giving a way!
I think he soon realised it was a mistake and had nowhere to go, but being aggressive driver, he managed to somehow push through making a car coming reversed. I deal with these idiots daily hence loosing my confidence thanks to them.
That particular roundabout i mentioned earlier is on a bit of slope, has 3 lanes, cars coming flying down, me waiting giving way, however I get beeped as I don't want drive into incoming traffic!

I was in NYC two years ago and you hear nothing on streets than constant beeping- if you not moved off in 0.00000000001 second.. It reminds me that...

Yes, exactly I had same. My school run is in narrow road with cars parked both sides so to get through i have obviously give a way if car is coming towards me, I had car overtake me while I was actually giving a way!
I think he soon realised it was a mistake and had nowhere to go, but being aggressive driver, he managed to somehow push through making the other car coming reverse.
I deal with these idiots daily hence loosing my confidence thanks to them.
That particular roundabout i mentioned earlier is on a bit of slope, has 3 lanes, cars coming flying down, me waiting giving way, however I get beeped as I don't want drive into incoming traffic!

I was in NYC two years ago and you hear nothing on streets than constant beeping- if you not moved off in 0.00000000001 second.. It reminds me that...

OP, you struggle because you've never actually driven in any real sense. If you'd been driving all over and anywhere from the beginning, there wouldn't be an issue. Sadly, the fault is entirely yours and goes back many years. Book yourself some lessons, and start pushing yourself to drive properly.

OP

It’s not difficult to parallel park. Pull alongside the car in front until both wing mirrors are aligned put it in reverse and gently turn and reverse into the gap and straighten. It’s really not rocket science.

Normally I don't much like posts like this, but I have to say in this case I think it's spot on. It's like you can have the "basic", "de-luxe" or "super" driving license and you've settled for "basic". You need the whole package to OP.

Look to see if the Institute of Advanced Driving (IAM) can help you. They have a mature driver review plus they can take you out and help you with your driving.

I passed 8 years ago aged 34 with 2 kids at that point first few weeks were a mare but I had to drive 211 miles 6 weeks after passing and I did it and fell I love with driving lots of my friends who had been driving longer than me were shocked I had the confidence to just do it but I did. It gave me the experience I needed and I totally went every where. Fast forward to 2022 I had my 3rd child and was hit by anxiety like no other to the point when baby was 6 months old I stowed driving altogether for 3 months.Lost all confidence and jjst driving to work 10 mins away could make me shake.

I guess my point to this is it's about confidence these last 6 months I've had to drive loads to help care for a relative lots of rush hour driving 3 am rushing to the hospital ect and I feel I'm gaining confidence. In your case if look to do some advanced driving lessons for ur self see if that helps xx

Driving anxiety is a thing in menopause 😳

I was also going to say this. I have ADHD and autism. I might have dyspraxia too. I took absolutely ages to pass my test. I never became confident or good at driving and eventually gave it up. When I did drive, I was exactly like the OP. With hindsight, I think my issues were to do with neurodivergence.

Absolute rubbish statement

I drive about 350 miles a week. Mix of motorway, city and rural roads. In unfamiliar places, I sometimes go in the wrong lane on roundabouts, I take wrong turns and miss my exit, and I’m an advanced driver! Passed my advanced test a few years ago with flying colours. I was taught my ex police and military service people.

The best thing one of them ever said to me was, “good drivers miss their exits. Good drivers get in the wrong lane. What makes them good, is they deal with it correctly and safely”.

You’ve just had your confidence knocked. Just put yourself out there in new situations and practise, if necessary take a few confidence building lessons with an advanced driver.

It's really pretty simple, no matter how traumatic you need to keep driving out of the area and comfortable zone you are used to. Drive somewhere unfamiliar every other day.

Actually, it’s not just fine motor and definitely includes spatial awareness and motor planning. Many people with dyspraxia (DCD) struggle with left and right, which is tricky when navigating roundabouts etc . But you can drive with dyspraxia, just practise, practise , practise

I do empathise, like you I didn't pass first time, and it took a few years to feel confident on the roads. 20 years on, I feel a lot more confident now, and have even driven abroad. It didn't happen overnight, I had to keep pushing myself. I find having Google Maps on my phone (on a car phone holder, I don't have a car with a screen lol) helps so much. Taking a wrong exit is FINE, it happens to all of us, it's how you deal with it that counts (Keep calm, follow the road signs, find a place to turn around if the navigation doesn't redirect you). If you push yourself to go further distances regularly you will improve I promise. I find music on low helps, also sucking sweets or chewing gum.

If someone doesn't know their left and right they ought not to be driving, really.

Lots of replies here op..some more helpful than others. Just wanted to say I am the same. Passed my test at 23 and was driving till I was 50. Never felt that comfortable in places I was unfamiliar with but drove a fair bit on a couple of motorways to visit family and drop dd to university. I live in London and would dread if someone wanted a lift somewhere central but have done it. I also couldn't really parallel park. I guess it's practice but you do feel pressure on busy roads and I often ended up parking a bit of a walk away because of that. Just wanted to say, you're far from the only person feeling the way you do. I had to give up my car as there was no parking where I moved to nearly 4 years ago so I hope I will be ok if I do manage to move again and get another car!

I used to be a really nervous driver but I tried not to let it stop me. Driving in Barcelona helped. One tip I use when struggling with routes is to familiarise myself by walking through it on street view. The other tip was to travel at quieter times especially on unfamiliar routes until they become familiar

Google maps is great if you are aware of the quirky way it tells you to manouvere. It's rubbish with none standard junctions and where I live there's loads of them.

You’re bad at driving because you’re telling yourself you’re bad, so you’re allowing yourself to get into a vicious circle of avoiding certain situations when you should be practising them. You need to take action to become a better driver and stop telling yourself you’re a bad driver, because that is not helping you. No one is born a good driver, people become good drivers through practise. Get yourself lessons to practise parallel parking and all the other things you find scary, and then go out of your way to keep practising these skills. Stop telling yourself you won’t cope with lessons because you get stressed out with someone sitting next to you. You believing this is exactly the reason you HAVE TO take lessons. They are used to learners being nervous. Also, buy a good phone holder and use your phone as a sat nav. In this day, it’s ridiculous driving without a sat nav, it gives you such a better overview of where you need to go, tells you what lane to get into etc, and it reroutes if you take the wrong exit. So there is absolutely nothing to fear with taking a wrong turn or exit by accident.
Also you really neee to get your eyes tested. If you can’t see signs etc on time you need to wear glasses when driving. You might not think you need them, but believe me, if you can’t see signs on time /in the dark, you NEED glasses.

It’s a confidence thing mainly, mind over matter. But I think the tip to realise that you just need extra time to go back if you miss a turn is very important. I always leave loads of time especially if driving somewhere new. I also have a peek at the route on my satnav before I go. The volume of traffic is far worse now as well which isn’t helping.

My sister was widowed and had to move as she can’t drive and her house was semi rural fields for miles her and the closest shop was 3 miles away.

After reading this, I think that its not just age that causes the over confident driver to exhibit road rage its anxious indecisive drivers of all ages. Maybe there should be reactions and cognitive tests every 5-10 years for everyone. I'm almost 74 and I consider myself a reasonably safe driver. I hate parallel parking and still only do it if I absolutely have to but I can park in a car park by reversing in and find that easier than driving in. I have an automatic car and that helps plus I find Sat Nav very good but find it easier to listen to the directions rather than keep looking at the screen. I am hoping I can continue to drive for a good few years yet. I know a lady who is 93 an still a much better safer driver than I have ever been.