I don't enjoy being an adult? Does anyone else feel this way?

[Dreamingofnarrowboatlife]

I often wonder if this is a strange or unusual way to feel? It's not something you discuss in every day conversations so I have no idea.

I think I have felt this way for most of my adult life but it is getting worse now that I am in my early 50's. In many ways it's the sheer weight of responsibilities I suppose - being a parent, being a child of elderly/unwell and frail parents, money and job responsibilities, looking after and being responsible for your own health etc. There is a big 'responsibility' pattern here, I know. I have never enjoyed having responsibilities but they come with being a decent adult person, there is no getting away from them.

My dh says that when he was a child he could not wait to be an adult and has enjoyed every minute of it so far. In contrast I often say I would go back to my childhood years in a heartbeat but he says he couldn't think of anything worse. He had a good childhood as did I but he says he hated having decisions made for him and the lack of choice which comes from being a child. I, on the other hand hate making adult decisions and the consequences which can come from these, I don't like change or having to make any changes. I loved the freedom childhood gave me where decisions and responsibilities were made by someone else.

I know that does sound very immature but wonder if anyone else feels like this?

BTW, this is all internal, if you knew me you would think of me as a very responsible and adult person.

We have lived/live almost identical lives. I long to go back to those simpler days. My brain hurts so much with all of the responsibilities and tiresome adult 'stuff'.

Just to be able to pop down to the local corner shop with a 20p piece and my only decision of the day is deciding which sweets to fill the bag. I really do miss those days. Overly nostalgic to some maybe but it really was a great childhood.

When I was a child I thought that when I became an adult everything would make sense and I'd be a different person to the reserved and clingy child that I was. I remember feeling confused a lot of the time.

There are times when I'd like to experience aspects of my childhood, but not to fully return to it.

I'm very fortunate to not have to work now. It is a blessing and I'm very thankful.

To add - i loathe modern day life. I would happily live away from the rat race, in the middle of nowhere .. throwing my phone in the sea behind me

I’m more like your DH op. I loathed being a child, other people making choices for me, little or no say, bloody hated it (and I too had a good childhood). Being an adult is much better (for me). That said I totally get the responsibilities thing and the fact so much of your life is driven by the need for money to pay for things!

I didn’t like being a child, the autonomy and freedom of being an adult was something I yearned for from an early age. Childhood didn’t feel particularly carefree - more like being on a performance plan, as my parents had high hopes of all their DC. Love being an adult, and particularly a single adult without full-time responsibility for other people. If you met me you’d think, with reason, I spend much of my free time supporting friends and family but this is by my own choice.

I’m exactly like your DH. I hated every minute of childhood, so much so that I used to cross off the days on the calendar just so I could feel that time was actually passing and adulthood was getting closer. I had undiagnosed depression as a teenager triggered by how much I desperately wanted time to speed up and for childhood to be over.

I absolutely LOVE being an adult.

HNRTFT but I had a fabulous childhood and early 20s ,I am mid 40s . People are so bloody complicated these days.
Love technology to an extent but hate how insular people are now ! Communication is so important for mental health,phone your friends etc Texting, WattsApp etc is so bloody unhealthy and has probably caused so many misunderstandings for so many people!
Just reading threads on here about WattsApp groups etc confirms my belief.
If a friend calls you and not convenient either pick up ,say I will call you later , tomorrow,next week or message back saying the same!
Edited to say that it’s also a good example to your children seeing Mum/ Dad actually speaking to people rather than scrolling!

I have never, ever heard anyone say “school days are the best days of your life”. Not IRL, not on MN.

I can’t be the only one?

I really enjoyed my school days . I had a fantastic time and went to a great school.

I think part of the beauty of childhood is what I'd call the flow state- where you could get absorbed with watching a caterpillar, or playing in a den, or reading a book or riding your bike and not have any interruptions until it was tea time where someone else had made food for you.

When you have so many competing demands (sorry about your Mum) on your time it feels so overwhelming that you think you can never get back there, but that's not because you're an adult, its because you don't have any time to just "be". I'd wager if you had that time you'd also end up trying to get on top of chores, or sort things for your Mum, but sometimes you need to be a little bit selfish and put your own life mask on first.

Yep totally agree OP , I just feel worry and pressure as an adult , I love being a mom and don’t mind my job but I do miss the ease of childhood

Interesting to see the division of views. I love being an adult and feel I am much better at life now than I was when I was a child, when I felt like I was constantly getting things wrong and having the wrong sort of emotions. I enjoy my job and I'm also much better at friendships than I was when young, so spend a lot of my non-work time doing lovely things with friends.

But I have no children and my elderly parent is in good health (as am I), so I definitely have life on easy mode compared to a lot of posters on this thread.

Were they the best days of your life?

Definitely a time that I was very happy .Am not sure how anyone can have a best time in their life because every decade throws up problems and joy but being positive and looking forward to the future helps 😊

Exactly this. I'm quite artistic and when I was a child I would spend hours drawing with not a care in the world. When I draw or do any kind of art work now it's great but it's not something I can give my 100% attention to as I could when I was a self absorbed 12 year old. Back then I had that to focus on and that only.

I get you.

When I was a child we didn't have much money and there was no pocket money, holidays or treats. I was a skinny little thing who loved cake and things like that. I used to tell myself that when I was a grown up I would just buy myself an entire birthday cake and eat it. Of course I've never done that.

Instead I live the tedium of cooking meals for a family every single bloody day, year after year. It's so boring, thinking what to cook day after day.

I hate the tyranny of full time work, counting down the years to retirement when god only knows what state I will be in, going in my current trajectory.

I used to love wine with food or at the weekend, had to give it up because it started to disagree with me.

I know I should be grateful and I am. maybe it's just that I am boring myself.

I'm in! When do we leave? 🤣

Yes I can understand that a lot. I really enjoyed a book called The Artist's Way which was a guided course for getting back to art, but I remember feeling like I was squeezing it into little gaps and thinking it would be so much easier to do when retired!

You're very lucky if you had a happy, carefree childhood. My parents were controlling, dismissive of the feelings of children, always short of money and always arguing. Home life was utterly miserable. When I left for university the feeling of freedom was joyous. I felt like I could breathe for the first time. Any amount of responsibility is worth it for the autonomy.

We can't be children again and this nostalgia is doing you no good. You need more contentment in your adult life. Without looking backwards, what do you think you could change that would make you happier?

My sister is the same as you. When I was a little girl I really looked forward to being a grownup. I wanted to go out with lots of people, dance, smoke, wear high heels, have my own house, go to work, do cooking, travel to places on the bus, eat ice cream. I didn’t smoke as an adult but everything else I achieved! I have loved my grown up life. I thought maybe it was because all the grownups in our lives (except perhaps our parents) were so happy, carefree, friendly but then you would think my sister would be the same. I guess just different personalities.

I absolutely loved being a young adult (18-30). I am not enjoying mid life. As you say, it’s the level of responsibility. I am finding parenting far far less joyful than I had anticipated. I don’t regret it becuse of course I couldn’t imagine a life without my DC now… but I would say I enjoy my life a lot less since I had them. But is “enjoyment” what life’s all about? I don’t know. I have very complex feelings about all this. I try to make things manageable by booking in adult events to specifically look forward to (eg gigs, theatre, plans with friends) but honestly my total physical and mental exhaustion means I don’t have as much fun at these things as I once did when younger.

I too had a happy upbringing and school life but I was still excited to get into young adulthood.

I wanted to go back to university times after bereavements (Dad when I was 41) (Mum when I was 20). Life felt more exciting in my late teens and early twenties and I had a bit more energy. I really wished I was 20 again before my mum passed away and life felt easy and stable. After she died, I realised that life could send some really awful curve balls. Until then I was oblivious to things going really wrong.
But - I enjoy teaching, spending time with my teenage sons and husband. Teaching I still feel that flow state and creativity although it is a responsible job.
I had a lovely childhood and did a lot of sport that I don't have much time or energy for now. I used to read a lot and was quite bookish. Life felt quite day dreamy and happy.
Sure, now I feel weighed down a bit driving to work, planning lessons. The feeling was worse when we were paying off the mortgage and the kids were younger. When I am actually in the classroom I kind of forget a bit about time and just teach English - enjoying reading again.
I've always worried about things from vocab tests to lesson observations to making big decisions about money but as I get older I am trying to focus on just enjoyment and living in the moment a bit more.

Have you considered taking holy orders? As a monk or friar you make no decisions for yourself- your life is organised for you, just as it was when you were a child. You are given work to do, and given no choice, as when you are a child. You pay no taxes, you have no responsibilities to friends or family, only to God and the order.
You also have no vote because you are not considered a full responsible adult.

I don’t want to be a child again but I
am tired of responsibilities and worrying. I feel my life revolves around making every other family member’s life easy and better. I’m enabling them all to live great lives but feel like I’m not living myself. So I think I get what you mean. I’m the archetypal ‘lost myself’ menopausal mum and feel like I don’t have much to look forward to and don’t have the energy to change that, make or rekindle friendships or be sociable.

The thing I miss most about childhood is the lack of concern about mortality - life just seemed to stretch ahead forever, even though I knew I and my loved ones would die "in the end", the end seemed an epoch away.

Now thoughts of death, and the limited time left (even though it may be twenty years and more, if I'm lucky) plague me every day and it's hard to just settle and concentrate on enjoying life as it unfolds.