I don't enjoy being an adult? Does anyone else feel this way?

[Dreamingofnarrowboatlife]

I often wonder if this is a strange or unusual way to feel? It's not something you discuss in every day conversations so I have no idea.

I think I have felt this way for most of my adult life but it is getting worse now that I am in my early 50's. In many ways it's the sheer weight of responsibilities I suppose - being a parent, being a child of elderly/unwell and frail parents, money and job responsibilities, looking after and being responsible for your own health etc. There is a big 'responsibility' pattern here, I know. I have never enjoyed having responsibilities but they come with being a decent adult person, there is no getting away from them.

My dh says that when he was a child he could not wait to be an adult and has enjoyed every minute of it so far. In contrast I often say I would go back to my childhood years in a heartbeat but he says he couldn't think of anything worse. He had a good childhood as did I but he says he hated having decisions made for him and the lack of choice which comes from being a child. I, on the other hand hate making adult decisions and the consequences which can come from these, I don't like change or having to make any changes. I loved the freedom childhood gave me where decisions and responsibilities were made by someone else.

I know that does sound very immature but wonder if anyone else feels like this?

BTW, this is all internal, if you knew me you would think of me as a very responsible and adult person.

OP it sounds like your grieving for your lost health more than anything.

I hope it improves and when you can, fit in as many 'childlike' activities as possible.

Edit: maybe with your counselling you're trying to get to the acceptance stage without first going through the pissed off and sad stages

When I was younger, I couldn't wait to be an adult (I got bullied a lot, and was not a fan of living with my sibling), because then I would be able to do whatever I wanted (so I thought). As an adult, I can do SOME of the things that I want, but my job and financial situation often limit me! Sometimes I wish that the years would stop speeding by, because they're going too quickly, whereas my years at school dragged.

I am much happier making decisions by myself, and it is a lot easier now that I have moved far away from the family pressure. I am much more positive and now take the attitude of, "I don't want to be sat in an old people's home wishing that I had done X,Y and Z", which gives me licence to try and squeeze everything in while I can.

You are not the only one. That's the exact life I long for and am hoping to achieve before my time is up.

I love nature, animals and being surrounded by wildlife, that's makes me very very content.

More than likely but it really did seem very lovely.

No I don't. I'm currently sat in a&e with my poor mum who has advanced dementia, breast cancer, heart disease and now a suspected blood clot. And I'm sat next to a lady bawling her eyes out because her father is 24 hours away from death.

My current view at older adult life and my future has been skewed a bit atm.

I feel exactly the same. I've been caring for my elderly mum for 8 years now. I think it has clouded my vision of adult life and making me long for my childhood.

I dislike adulthood. I’d love to live as an eternal child but in the days I grew up in, rather than today.
Adulthood has been a huge disappointment to me. I miss the excitement and magic of childhood.

I think you are right. I think the reason my childhood seemed so lovely is because my parents were so happy. They had no real major stress, a nice house, money and no major health issues and did not have to care for elderly parents.

Life as an adult has not been so kind to me.

You need more fun, OP, to offset all the strain of responsibilities.
Add lots of easy fun to your daily life.
If you still like childish things, do them. My family groan if we pass an empty playpark because I am on those swings immediately and only get off if a child arrives. Have a Mr Whippy icecream. Splash in puddles.

Take inspiration from your DH and make loads of decisions of your own that make you happy - eat all your favourite foods this week. Put on your favourite music. Wear your favourite clothes. Plan a day out or a weekend away. Or a duvet day with trashy films and novels.

I've never thought of it in terms of disliking being an adult. I find the strain of responsibility of work/ elderly parents/PoA for relative with dementia, young adult son with SEN who needs support - all of these drain my energy.
But I like being able to choose how to spend my free time, what to wear, what music to listen to etc.

I feel this with every bone in my body!! I loved being a child. I don’t remember ever being bored or particularly frustrated, except when I was trying to do something I couldn’t do yet. I knew it was a magical time even when it was happening around me. That didn’t come with hindsight. I would go back to being a child, having the freedom of time, snugging with my grandma, in a heartbeat. I’m so sad it’s over. Adult life has such a lack of freedom about it, although it’s veneered to look like you are free to do / buy / eat whatever you want. It’s a trick lol!!

I disagree, for me adulthood is freedom.

I was "lucky" in that I had such an awful abusive childhood that adulthood is like living the dream, simply not being screamed at every day, or hit.

It helps that I don't have a partner so my freedom (notwithstanding parenting, running the home and working) is huge. The relaxation I feel is massive. I appreciate every part of being in charge of my own life.

It's a pretty good silver lining I guess.

I'm about the same age as you and I agree with you to some extent about responsibilities but not about change. I like change! If I were to go back to a time where I had no real responsibilities it would be to my uni years or my twenties, not to my childhood (though it was happy), as they were really fun.

That's exactly how I feel too.

I was never bored either and kept myself occupied all the time but those things just don't hold the same joy as they once did.

I know what you mean. I love inviting my adult children and partners over for a family meal but wish that I wasn’t the default responsible adult who will ultimately have to do all the planning, shopping, cooking and most of the aftermath clear up. I want some other adult to do all of that so I can just sit and enjoy being with them 🤣
Maybe that’s a bad example but I do know what you mean. I sometimes want someone else to be in charge and I just go along with the plan and don’t have to think about anything.
Or someone else to come into my house and analyse what needs sorting out and fixing and organise it getting done.
A lovely live in housekeeper. Maybe.
I can’t afford that though 🤣

I’m a similar age and feel the exact same way. Sometimes I want to be 10 again but my home life had DV so I prefer 18 when I went off to college. Grown up but not with all the real adult responsibilities.

Would that be lovely 😍

I’d like to be a young adult again - mid to late 20s - working but no major responsibilities, enough money, still partying a bit! Mid-50s my health is shit, not really up to working f/t, adult kids boomeranging back etc!
I’ve never felt like a ‘proper’ adult - I used to see some school-run mums’ houses and they looked so ‘grown up’ - maybe cos they had more money so better fittings/furnishings.
id hate to go back to childhood though - esp pre-16 - not interested in that at all!

That's the age I'd like to go back to too - 17 or 18. Able to make more decisions than a child, but without all the heavy adult responsibilities.

I happened to catch an episode of Little House on the Prairie the other day. That really took me back to being a child, it was a lovely bit of escapism for an hour.

I would go back to my younger years in a heartbeat too. I never had any anxiety about anything and had a lovely family and lots of friends. School was great too especially the primary years. I’ve found adulthood such a struggle and sometimes feel cursed with the amount of difficulties and stress I’ve had to endure

That's exactly how I feel.

I understand what you mean, even though I’m also a functioning, responsible adult. I think the advice of a PP is wise, didn’t some moments/activities that are fun and which help you to enjoy the moment. I play a sport, which gives me this outlet. I don’t think about anything else when I’m doing it.

Totally get this OP. I absolutely long for my childhood days of zero responsibility and worries except playing in the street (late 70s/ early 80s) & holidays & Christmas & birthdays & events all planned and arranged by someone else.
I woke up on Christmas day and it would all have been sorted by my parents .. all I had to do was enjoy the day. Simple things like trips to the local shop for picknmix with 50p and i could fill the paper sweet bag. Endless long hot summers. The garden/hosepipe/sprinkler/street/local park were more than enough to enjoy the summer. Ice pops from the freezer, the square wafer at home cones with a square of ice cream. No tech. 4 tv channels (if that). Life was just simple and carefree. I grieve for those times.

FF to now - married and in my 50s. Lots of pressures from my 2 DC, work, bills, debt, responsibilities, doing all the arranging/planning/suggesting/thinking/sorting .. Christmas and birthdays wouldn't happen without me, in fact nothing would really. Cleaning/tidying/ managing the house. At times I've had 2 jobs and worked 50 hour weeks. Modern day tech frustrates me more than anything. Given the choice, I would never have grown up.

Totally this

I didn't think I missed childhood until I went on holiday with my adult children, who organised everything, sorted out trips, co-ordinated travel - all I had to do was be there and follow instructions. And it was wonderful, not having to make decisions or be in charge all the time.

Generally I don't mind adulting - I have an easy ride compared to OP, my kids are grown up and my parents are gone, I'm responsible only for myself and the dog. But oh it is so nice when someone else takes over some of the day to day stuff that fills up my head.

The idea of going back to childhood is horrific and teenage years worse. Adult life can be joyless and thankless but it’s no where near as bad as being a kid. I feel traumatised at the thought of the controlless, confusing, terrifying experience growing up was. I wasn’t abused, I just had no idea how to be a child or a teenager and spent my entire time massively anxious or ill or both.

As an adult I have a house and don’t have to interact with people and can cope. The constant pressure and not understand societal and social expectations was just dreadful.

I still have nightmares about being looked after by kindly friends of the family and having no idea what the rules were and being totally freaked out by the idea they might expect me to eat or drink their food.

I don’t think I was quite ok. 🤣🫣