I'm going to visit my son. It's going to cost a fortune..

[Beakthrough]

He's in Uk at the opposite end to me.

He can't put me up so I need to pay travel and accomodation, plus I won't be able to cook for him (or vice versa) so I'll likely end up paying for several restaurant meals too.

I reckon, by the time I'm done it will cost me close to £1000 for the six days planned.

Nearly £200 in travel, £400 for the cheapest accomodation I can find, plus 5 or 6 dinners and ither spending money.

I have the money, I'd spend it on other trips without thinking too hard, but I'm struggling to justify it to myself for this one, which makes no sense to me. Can anyone else work out what's going on with my head?

Hopefully, eventually he'll have somewhere he can accomodate visitors but for the time being he can't.

It's your son, if I wasn't going to see my son I'd happily spend that to see him rather than go on a holiday or some such? 👀

Do you drive OP?

And if so, is there a caravan site near by? You can get really cheap caravan breaks this time of year.

Check haven, they have loads of options.

In that situation I’d be tempted to hire a camper van/ motor home with decent heating. You can often get great deals at this time of year. I hired one for Feb half term last year and went to the outer Hebrides and it was still cosy. Was relatively cheap compared with summer prices too.

I believe I get it, OP. But I think I’d go for a shorter trip. For example: travel on Thursday, see him Thursday evening. Entertain yourself on Friday, meet up again the evening. Then hang out/do activities together on Sat + Sun. Travel back on Monday. Seems lovely, and only 4 nights. Then if it’s a succes, you could go longer next time (with better weather)?

Cripes. I find that really odd and would not expect my children to be happy with it either. Don't know what it says about our family that when my parents retired they decided to move 400 miles away from us when they had been 200 miles away! They occasionally came down to stay with us, but no more than once a year, if that. However, it was no great hardship to us to make the effort to go to stay with them as they had chosen a very beautiful place to live and had room for us to stay with them. We went up maybe twice a year.

As things have fallen out, neither of our now adult children have moved away from London, but if they did, very good luck to them, but my husband and I would not be following them to the new location. Suppose they ended up in different places? Would I move to one and husband to the other?

Have you posted about visiting your son before? This all feels very familiar?

Sorry, I was replying to someone who said they would expect the children that moved away to always come home and them not to visit. I meant I would go pretty much where they were for holidays, high days, and so on. I wouldn't just sit there saying 'they did move 500 miles away!' It's my priority to visit them, they also visit each other, yes, it costs money, I can't think of anything else that it's worth spending your spending money on really, it's quite different if you are very hard up.

This idea that families grow up in one area and if any member moves away it’s their responsibility to visit is a bit odd. Who actually had an area that they grew up in ? I don’t. I’ve moved around all my life and we moved a lot when our kids were growing up. They have all ended up in different areas due to work . The days of growing up streets away from each other are long gone. My own mother left her own country and moved to the UK when she married. She saw her mother maybe four times after that in her life, her father only once. Her brother moved to another country and barely saw his parents again either. It’s the modern world.
I love my kids and miss them a lot but never expected them to live in an area all their lives close to us.

So he visited at Christmas and now you are going to visit him some 5 weeks later? Maybe you can meet half way? Might be cheaper, especially if you can book an Airbnb. Or perhaps give it a couple of months and you might feel like the cost is more worth it?

Assume they are saving for own place and why a room in a shared house

I would do over a weekend so travel Fri. Stay Fri and sat night somewhere and back home Sunday

tho I bet Sunday travel may be less then a week day

any premier inns etc near by

I did that the last time I was stuck in Glasgow for an unexpected overnight stay because of the ferries. Really enjoyed it, actually. I caught up with something on the TV I'd missed earlier and nibbled away at all sorts of nice stuff I'd got in a nearby Tesco. I bought a tiny bottle of wine so it felt quite decadent.

Sorry, that makes a lot more sense!

@Beakthrough us and in myself and my toddler.

@saraclaraOP hasn’t said money is tight. You know not everyone on Mumsnet is skint and the ones that aren’t, are also allowed to post with a view? Also nobody has mentioned she doesn’t love her son as much due to mentioning the cost of the visit or that she dislikes the girlfriend. Strange post.

HRTFT

Could you hire a two room air BnB for a weekend in a town south of them, that's easier for you to get a train to and they can get to as well. It might be nice for them to have a break from all their housemates. You can cook for them and just share time together exploring a new town.

6 days is a long time for a visit, why not shorten it to 3? That way you still get quality time and it won't cost as much to eat out etc

Go early on a Friday, spend Fri eve, sat and Sun
with him

travel home on Monday.

thats 3 nights accommodation and meals out

i doubt he wants you there for 6 days

I know the feeling OP. My son lives 4 hours away and it's hard. We go up and back in a day to save money.

Could you both chip in to an Airbnb half way? Somewhere you'd both have interest in visiting? And the GF ? X

Is it cheaper to stay, say an hour away, and travel in and out for the day by bus?

You can 'hard disagree' as much as you want. You don't get to tell me what my opinions and views are.

Also, how lovely that your mum - and you presumably - can just get up and visit your adult children, no matter how far away they are, and no matter what the cost. Not everyone is so privileged.

@BruFord

Many adult children move far away because where they were brought up simply doesn’t have the job opportunities. If you choose to bring up children in the countryside or a small town, for example, they may not be able to build their career in that area. My DD is at a university that has an excellent reputation in her field-I wish it was closer to home but it’ll open doors for her.

DH and I have made several moves for job opportunities and thank goodness we have with the COL. You move where the opportunities are. 🤷

Nobody has to move 500 miles away for 'opportunities.' 🙄

I've always used annual leave for long weekends, etc whether that is for visiting family or friends. I wouldn't dream of my parents visiting and not taking time off to see them. If they were imposing themselves then that would be different!

Where does he live? Maybe we can suggest accommodation you’ve not thought of or places for dinner?

They could at least cook for you once during your visit.

As money isn’t the issue, I’d just suck it up and pay the difference for an Airbnb. It will be much more pleasant than living in a hotel room for a week. Even if I had to cut the stay short by a couple of days. I’d also drive and stay overnight somewhere pleasant halfway to break up the journey. Try and turn it into a fun trip.