I'm going to visit my son. It's going to cost a fortune..

[Beakthrough]

He's in Uk at the opposite end to me.

He can't put me up so I need to pay travel and accomodation, plus I won't be able to cook for him (or vice versa) so I'll likely end up paying for several restaurant meals too.

I reckon, by the time I'm done it will cost me close to £1000 for the six days planned.

Nearly £200 in travel, £400 for the cheapest accomodation I can find, plus 5 or 6 dinners and ither spending money.

I have the money, I'd spend it on other trips without thinking too hard, but I'm struggling to justify it to myself for this one, which makes no sense to me. Can anyone else work out what's going on with my head?

Hopefully, eventually he'll have somewhere he can accomodate visitors but for the time being he can't.

This is what I was thinking and @DrossofthedUrbervillessays it perfectly. Be kind to yourself OP, these transitions can be tough.

I find what helps me the first time doing a trip like this is to view it as an experiment - the number of days, the accommodation, the ways you’ll entertain yourself while your son works etc etc, it’s all an experiment that you’ll learn from and make tweaks to your plans for next time around.

I regard travel and accommodation to do things I want to do as a proper use of my money. I wouldn't be thinking twice. If you can find somewhere to stay where you could invite them in to relax and eat, it would be a nice change from their shared house. Enjoy your trip.

Yes but you can't cook in a local B and B or chain hotel. So it is not which is cheaper it is which is cheaper including meals, either cooked by the OP or dinners out which can cost a lot.

Help us all out a bit- give us an area?

If you read all of OP's messages she clearly doesn't want to give the area. She must have her own reasons for this. I think she would be right booking a self catering holiday place as she can then decide on getting a take away meal delivered when her son and partner visit or she could cook a meal. Also if the place is 2 bedroomed her son and partner could stay for the night and could be a break from living in an HMO.

😂😂😂 some parents!!!

I don’t think OP is coming back. Apologies if anyone has already suggested this idea, but for any parents in a similar position without 1k spare to visit their DC. If the DC has a girlfriend/boyfriend, sometimes the DC can sleep at their accommodation, and parent has their DCs room in their shared house. As long as you don’t open the door to the kitchen and take flip flops for your feet, you’ll be fine. If housemates are OK with it of course. They usually are, and it’s nice if you provide some of their favourite drinks, in uni years etc I found this is stuff like sourz(?) or pre-mixed cocktails, rather than nice wine. Extra top tip is bring a load of plastic (reusable) glasses so they don’t have to go rooting, or god forbid washing up! The money you save on accommodation can be spent on food etc and it’s fun to meet their housemates so you know who is who. I don’t even drink but have enjoyed it, at one house I re-visited I brought them a flashing disco ball thing which was a great hit and now a few years later, I have standing invitations to their flats if I need somewhere to stay.

What a blanket statement.

That depends on the opportunity. If you live in the city in the SE of England and an opportunity comes up to live on an island on the West Coast of Scotland, doing…whatever. For me it was seaweed cutting, deer stalking and building our own farm and buying our own trawler…then it’s necessary to move 500 miles. It doesn’t even have to be an island. It was for me. But a different lifestyle in a remote, off the grid…or even in a Scottish town…or vice versa…moving from rural to city . Opportunity to do something completely different can mean 500 miles or more if it’s Shetland or Orkney , Wick, ..nah maybe not Wick 🤣

6 days is excessive. Go for 2-3 nights and get an Airbnb that you can cook at and they can come to you.

I can’t think of anything worse or more awkward for either party

I'm just flying to Japan to meet my partner's family. His sister lives in Australia as well so I am already planning it will cost £££ to see them. It is what it is. Family connection is important no point to make it such a big problem.

Why not?

That’s sad for you, I’m sorry. Maybe it depends on housemates? I don’t even drink so worried it would be awkward but it was actually really fun and nice to put names to faces. Not awkward in the slightest.

I don't think it's sad at all. I feel the same way - a shared student house is no place for parents to be stopping over and trying to fit in.

It's nothing to do with my relationship with my parents at the time, or my children now. Luckily we're all of the same opinion - if you're visiting a student, you don't expect them to host you overnight. Stick your head in, say hello to their friends, retreat!

It sounds as if it’s got everything to do with your own relationships. It’s ok for you not to be comfortable staying with students, but other people will be.

It isn’t.
It has everything to do with the fact the roommates, the other students, will very likely not be comfortable with having parents staying over!

What you're saying is that you think they wouldn't be comfortable with YOU staying over. Again, it's a "you" problem. Other people are not "you", so stop trying to project your own feelings as a blanket rule.

As a mum with a student son, Ive stayed elsewhere when Ive visited him. Numerous reasons

• student/shared houses don't usually have spare rooms, so there is an issue about sleeping arrangements. We are still happy to share hotel bedrooms but we are long past sharing beds.
• student bathrooms- no thanks. I dont want to queue with or bump into half naked students in the middle of the night. I'm sure they'd feel the same about me in my pj's. And there is never enough loo roll
• similar with kitchens
• I wouldnt want to be in the way in the living room

to be fair to my son and his mates, they are quite civilised, have a cleaning rota, but communal spaces are small for the number of people. Im happy to go for a cup of tea or a quick pizza but like to go back to the peace of a b&b or hotel for the night -

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, maybe a future option could be meeting midway for a weekend, both pay own travel and you offer to pay his room, it would be short but quality time.

I think as parents while our kids are still young adults establishing themselves if we can afford to, we should pay more to see them.

A son sharing a room with a shared house with so many people is obviously on a low wage or prioritising saving to establish himself for his future and parents should help with that.

Can't add anything helpful but I'm in the same boat. My son now lives 200 miles away and is in a bed sit so no room for me to stay. Thankfully he is in the same area as every other member of my family..my mum moved me away when I was in my teens. So he has both sides of the family around him.
I have to stay in a hotel or rent somewhere when I go but I only do a few days as it's expensive. You can check out hotel offers on Wowcher or Groupon though! I sometimes stay at a 4 star spa hotel for £99 for b and b and spa access so it's like a little treat

If I had £1000 and I could choose to spend it on anything at all, my first priority would be quality time with my kid.

Sympathies, we live in Devon and DS fell in love with Newcastle Univ and has stayed there now after graduating. We have spent an absolute fortune visiting over the years. It’s not just the money but the time it takes to see him. But Newcastle and its surroundings are so lovely I try hard not to mind.

I think you provably feel this way OP just because it’s so soon after you last saw him. You saw at Christmas and it’s only January now! Spread out the visits a bit more! By say March/April you’ll probably feel more ready

If he's going to be working why are you going for so long?

And dare I say it, possibly a bit more welcome??