I'm going to visit my son. It's going to cost a fortune..

[Beakthrough]

He's in Uk at the opposite end to me.

He can't put me up so I need to pay travel and accomodation, plus I won't be able to cook for him (or vice versa) so I'll likely end up paying for several restaurant meals too.

I reckon, by the time I'm done it will cost me close to £1000 for the six days planned.

Nearly £200 in travel, £400 for the cheapest accomodation I can find, plus 5 or 6 dinners and ither spending money.

I have the money, I'd spend it on other trips without thinking too hard, but I'm struggling to justify it to myself for this one, which makes no sense to me. Can anyone else work out what's going on with my head?

Hopefully, eventually he'll have somewhere he can accomodate visitors but for the time being he can't.

One of mine has moved quite far away for university, and they come home regularly for half term or holidays, while also maintaining their part time job there so not home for more than a few days at a time.

About once a a year I visit them, usually for 2-3 nights, and it costs about £1k too. I’m a single parent and not well off, but it is worth it to me. I see it as a mini holiday, I get to meet their friends and see places they talk about, and I treat them to drinks and dinner in places they like but would never afford as a student.

I accept that that is just how much it costs, and there is not much I can do about that. So my mindset is just that it is fun and worthwhile to us (despite the fact that I could go abroad somewhere warm for a week for much the same amount). I advise you to relax and enjoy it. How nice that upu are welcome to visit. I would go for less than 6 nights though- that’s a lot of time to spend in each other’s company.

They grow into big adults, cut the apron strings and live their own lives.

This. ^ It takes roughly 8 hours to get from North Staffordshire to Inverness. (And North Staffs is pretty much in the middle of the UK/not anywhere near the south...) And to get Inverness to Cornwall, it takes 12 hours!

Some people are clueless when it comes to knowing how long it takes to travel from certain places to other certain places in the UK!

The 'are you going from Shetland to Scilly Isles' comment was just silly. That can't even be done in the same day. It take 2 bloody ferries, as well as the 15-16 hours it would take from the top of Scotland to the far south west of England. Total travel time: around 30 hours!

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Then change the days and times so it still works at the same number of days. It’s called an example. Less days means less money. You never mentioned the location and I’m not a mind reader.

Air bnb instead of hotel so you can cook !

You saw him a month ago at Christmas, is that right?

Why the need to see him again so soon? - he’s an adult.

Who’s idea is it (be honest) for you to go down there?

@zov So if your adult child was offered a massive promotion at the other end of the country -or abroad- for example, you’d advise them not to take it?!

That’s happened to us- and DH’s brother lives abroad due to a job opportunity several years ago that’s worked out well for them.

I appreciate that families are different though, mine has moved around for work for a few generations, even my widowed Grandma and my Mum did back when it was less common for women to do this independently.

Was coming to suggest this. Reframe it as a joint holiday and visiting him. So find somewhere nice and make the most of it?

I get it OP. Some people are being very facetious on this thread. It’s far and a lot of money and due to location it isn’t easy to find transport or cheap place to stay.

You do know what the weather is like in the Scottish Highlands right now? It's colder than normal.

Suggest to him the option of waiting until they can both get time together to travel to you for a few days and use the money you have saved to pay for their coach & train fares ?

I guess it feels significant because it is a mixture of positive and negative things.

Positive, your son is making his way in the world, has chosen a job, girlfriend, and place to live that he is presumably happy with. And that’s all we want for our kids, we tell ourselves as they grow.

Negative, you are geographically distant from each other from now on, maybe this is highlighting the loss of your DH (I don’t know how recent but that’s not necessarily important, we keep reprocessing loss as time goes by) - I am sorry for your loss- and potentially this brings fear that you can’t help him instantly should he ever need it.

A holiday is much simpler, you pick something that seems nice, you book it and hope it’s as nice as the website.

Good luck and hope you can get a good visiting plan worked out. On a practical note have you considered investing in a camper van….

Assuming he is London based. Public transport is very good. You cohld look at somewhere with good tube links. Although I do think 400 for accomodation for 5 nights is not overly expensive.
Would coach be cheaper for travel?
It is expensive to holiday in the uk which essentially you are doing, you can go abroad for cheaper.
An alternative is to look for housesits on trusted housesitters, you can stay for free in exchange for feeding the cat or walking a dog. Which might work well for you if they are working in the day. My cousin went all over the country doing this and stayed in some lovely properties.

I have a brother in Scotland and when I see him - choose one of the better months of the year. I treat it as a mini holiday as petrol aloan is £200 - stop in Airbnb on the way up for a couple of days and then arrive in a relaxed state on Friday afternoon. In this scenario Id be looking at an Airbnb - if you go out of season (ie out of school holidays - its not so expensive). Done alot of the Scottish Islands and Orkneys this way.

I sympathise with the challenge of family living a distance away but try to remind myself that it could be the other side of the world.
As you get used to visiting you will find solutions to challenges and find a formula that works for you. If you have not visited the area before it must feel like a daunting step into the unknown.
Not staying with them is good as you each get your own space to retire to. We don’t stay with my daughter for that reason. We plan visits to maximise the times she is available, over the years we have sussed out things we enjoy in her area. We sometimes add a night or two on the way to make it partly holiday. Everything is easier in the summer, travel is smoother, delays feel more bearable, it is easier to go for walks and explore.
I agree with the suggestion of maybe travelling with a friend especially if it is first visit, someone to talk to, to share anxieties with, to spend time with when your son is working.
An alternative would be to meet him/them part way.

Worth seeing if you can contact any of the airbnbs to see if they would prefer to rent off of Airbnb, we do that a lot, googling the place and either finding a website for the place or a local agent and have saved 100's that way, as they are sometimes happy to not be paying the Airbnb fees

Drive ? I live in the north of Scotland and driving Dow to the south of England won’t cost that much plus Airbnb so you can cook

He is mountain based.

Going by the OP’s responses, I very much doubt he is in London.

Can't you get a cheaper Air bnb and stat together somewhere he can travel to, thats not too far that he can't get to work. If he's in a big city, must be cheaper options not too far away can have a trip away somewhere scenic?

A lot of academics do and I gather that increasingly these days many doctors have to take the training posts on offer, which might be a long way from family and their previous posts. The military often have to move around. People working on oil rigs, fish farms, marine biologists, the list goes on.

I wondered this too. And as a previous poster suggested, this thread is reminding me of a recent thread where the mother was planning to visit her son and DIL every other month for a week or so, because they live in a nice area

You can get a seat on the Caledonian sleeper for £56 from London/Birmingham/Crewe with a senior Railcard (if you are 60 plus).

You could have four full days there but only need a hotel for three.

From your description of mountains, that hotel is cheaper than air BnB and that he has a house share I'd guess at it being Fort William, Aviemore or similar???

It sounds like a visit a bit later in the year, for fewer nights but in nicer accommodation might be the answer OP. January isn’t a great time for travel with short days, bad weather not great for getting out and about or for impacting on transport. Maybe wait a bit and pay a bit more to get a place you can entertain them with by cooking something simple, snacks or even ready meals , much cheaper than meals out. I fully appreciate the difficulty of visiting offspring who live in shared houses, often with no shared social space at all. There’s only so much time anyone wants to spend sitting in a couples bedroom.
Good luck and I hope you manage to make it work.

Sorry if it was already mentioned, I only read OP's posts.

If you like animals you could try one of the pet sitting websites. We only discovered them once we got pets, and this time we will have a mum visiting her daughter at university.

We have our pets looked after while she gets free accommodation and cooking space. You might even be able to have your travel refunded or shared.

It would depend on each host, but we are also happy for her daughter to stay over for a few nights.

It sounds like you have the money, so maybe this is more about a mental shift: focusing on the value and enjoyment it will bring you and your son rather than just the cost. And if you can afford it, don't penny pinch (e.g., sleeping on the floor in their room, eating tesco sandwiches for dinner) or it won't be enjoyable.

Your feelings really resonate with me. For example, I find myself resenting the cost of UK breaks but will happily spend the same amount on trips abroad without thinking twice.

Given that you can afford it, I think it makes sense to spend a good chunk of time there (e.g., the 6 days you planned). The longer you stay, the better value you get from your travel costs and travel time, more hours and days actually spent with your son for the same upfront investment.