I'm going to visit my son. It's going to cost a fortune..

[Beakthrough]

He's in Uk at the opposite end to me.

He can't put me up so I need to pay travel and accomodation, plus I won't be able to cook for him (or vice versa) so I'll likely end up paying for several restaurant meals too.

I reckon, by the time I'm done it will cost me close to £1000 for the six days planned.

Nearly £200 in travel, £400 for the cheapest accomodation I can find, plus 5 or 6 dinners and ither spending money.

I have the money, I'd spend it on other trips without thinking too hard, but I'm struggling to justify it to myself for this one, which makes no sense to me. Can anyone else work out what's going on with my head?

Hopefully, eventually he'll have somewhere he can accomodate visitors but for the time being he can't.

I don’t think £1000 for a 6 day holiday including travel, accommodation and food is that bad?

So where does he live then?

Ask the son to help with costs

Stay for fewer nights

And travel on the coach

We live at the opposite end of the country from all of OH's family (I am that woman only years down the line with our own place and 2 kids!) I feel your pain with the travel in our case (Cornwall to Northumberland) there is not an obvious way of doing it and we have tried every which way. One thing I would say is have you looked at flights? Sometimes they are cheaper than the trains especially if you are a bit flexible on days. Also sometimes it is cheaper and not much different time wise to go a different route on the trains (we have done it where we change in London rather than going directly- sometimes a bit better) My other idea is to ask your son to look in local FB groups or ask about r.e acoomadation - When we lived in our old place we couldn't put his parents up easily and some of the places they stayed (pubs mainly with rooms) were not ones that were wildly advertised. They also once stayed at a friends parents house while they were away.

Exactly the same as me when I go ‘home’ to visit family. I end up paying £4-500 to stay a few nights in a hotel and spend ££££ seeing friends, treating my nieces / nephews.

I’d feel aggrieved too. I think it’s because you expect visits to relatives to be low-cost, and any money spent being because you fancy a nice meal out.

And you expect mini breaks to cost money.

And all the boundaries are blurred on this one.

I’d resent the idea of spending the money up front. Spend it. And have a wonderful time and realise it was worth it.

He lives in a shared house with 8 others so doubt he has much spare money.

OP if you’re spending that much already and assuming you afford it you could rent a flat on air bnb and your son and gf could stay as well. They might be glad to get out the shared house and then you could cook meals together and it would make more of a holiday out of it.

It doesn't sound like you're actually going to have much time with him. Would you not be better meeting halfway and having a weekend together somewhere nice? In a couple of months so can you both book a Friday/Monday off?

As well as trustedhousesitters (housesitting has been mentioned by a pp) look at homeexchange.com. It doesn’t have to be a reciprocal exchange.

Remember that, if he has kids or you need care in your old age, the effort he puts in to see you may reflect the effort you put into seeing him. So far it sounds fairly reciprocal as he has visited you twice fairly recently. This sounds like your first visit to his new home and already you aren’t sure if the hassle is worth it to you.

If it’s really about holidays then you could just easily plan trips to free museums etc in the spare time. (As it’s January)

It takes me 8 hours to drive to Weymouth and I’m in Central Scotland. Thats overnight, when roads are quiet. It was longer if I went to Cornwall, or West coast of Wales and it was 10 hours to Norwich when I lived further north. So 2 days travelling, one up, one down is perfectly reasonable…espec if , like most people, there are rest stops. I made one, for petrol, and a pee each way.

How come the train is £200 … can you put it off a few weeks so you can grab a cheap advance saver? Also get a Premier Inn further in advance? No matter how long it takes I’m not sure you need a full week, that really will end up costing a lot in food if you’re not self catering

Are you travelling from John O’Groats to Lands End????

That's extortionate for one person, you could go abroad as a couple for half that price in the off-season (which this is).

One day travel there, and another back is pretty standard when you're travelling from one end of the UK to another.

It's just what happens, I lived in London for years in a one bed flat and my mum and dad didn't mind us sleeping on the blow up bed while they had our bed but some family did so they booked hotels. They're north east and we were london so a fair journey. I used to visit alot too but was working full time and if anyone wanted to visit us it was squeeze in our tiny flat or hotel. Your son is even more squeezed in a house share.

It's come full circle for us where if we want to visit in laws, they can't cope with visitors now staying with them especially with a toddler so we book an air bnb. Costs us about a grand for a week all in with train fares and accommodation plus food but it's the only way to see them so we do it, money we'll spent in my opinion. Obviously we'd love to still stay with them and save 600 quid but those days are gone 😅

One day your son will have his own place and more room.probably so worth keeping the relationship close and visiting now ;)

This is just another thing where the cost of living means something that used to be normal and not a massive deal now costs ££s. A visit to the in-laws costs us £100s for a family of four with the very cheapest hotel and one or two meals out. (Not sure they really appreciate how much it costs these days as they never come in the other direction)

What's the journey and where are you looking to stay

Presumably she means that 1 day there and 1 day back is the travelling time

you cut your cloth...until he has this living arrangement, you can do this as a holiday and visit places around his area. Then he and girlfriend can visit you and stay at yours instead their holiday......that is twice seeing him in a year

Agree some people are clueless about the country they live in

I think it’s not sitting right with you because in an ideal world, you’d like to think visiting your adult son would include free accommodation and some home cooking, but in his case that’s not possible. Also you’re thinking you could’ve spent the money on a proper holiday, or week away somewhere in the UK of your choosing, not just wherever your son has chosen to settle. I think it’s fine to feel that way. But you have the money, you’re excited to see him, I’m sure you’ll have a lovely time.

Especially if it's an area they've never visited - people are regularly shocked when I tell them there's no public transport here on Sundays and that most shops still close at 1pm on a Wednesday