I'm going to visit my son. It's going to cost a fortune..

[Beakthrough]

He's in Uk at the opposite end to me.

He can't put me up so I need to pay travel and accomodation, plus I won't be able to cook for him (or vice versa) so I'll likely end up paying for several restaurant meals too.

I reckon, by the time I'm done it will cost me close to £1000 for the six days planned.

Nearly £200 in travel, £400 for the cheapest accomodation I can find, plus 5 or 6 dinners and ither spending money.

I have the money, I'd spend it on other trips without thinking too hard, but I'm struggling to justify it to myself for this one, which makes no sense to me. Can anyone else work out what's going on with my head?

Hopefully, eventually he'll have somewhere he can accomodate visitors but for the time being he can't.

Honestly, I think 6 days is a LONG time. You have already said he will be working, so why not just go for 2 nights?
Yes its a hassle travelling, but I think you will be bored when he is at work and its a lot of pressure on him to entertain you for 6 evenings ...

Cool, I'll DM you my bank details across for you

Go for three days, that's what I do.

Make it a long weekend, or Mon-Thurs, take a day travel there, sleep, two days with them, following morning up and back.

If you saw him at Christmas, likely that'll be better for him anyway as a whole week is a long time to look after someone in a more remote area in a dull time of the year.

Take a book on the train, write, read, plan other activities for the trip and when you are there.

Take them out for dinner once, once for lunch, and the rest of the time they can either give you some food or you can eat cheaply (noodle bowls are my fave).

That will halve the accommodation costs and more than halve the food. Train or coach is fixed cost.

I do this and have amazing times with one of my daughters, three days is about the right length and it comes in at around £500 all in which is a bargain to visit her, it's a long journey but this is better than six nights when she would have to start living her own life again and I don't think I'd see her much more.

This is doable and if you are not short of money for holidays, not that crazy an amount.

You saw him at Christmas. And whenever it was his dgm birthday. Visiting him is difficult due to distance, accommodation and cost. Why such a need to visit?
I don’t get it.
I think keep in touch via phone FaceTime messenger etc but apart from an annual/twice annual visit let him get on with his life. It sounds like that is what he is doin…… and far better that than living under your roof, unemployed, not paying rent etc.
Both of mine have left now, we speak a couple of times a week but see each other in person two or three times year- for much the same reasons. Distance, cost etc.
I dont mind because I’m proud that I’ve been successful in raising kids that are able to be independent and get on with their lives. When they need me they call/visit. Don’t get me wrong I adore them and miss them a lot but I’m happy they are making their way in the world not tied to me or me them.

Not gonna lie, this is the reason that I'm glad my 2 DC live just half an hour's drive away. (18-22 miles.) I would be so pissed off if they moved 500 miles away (or more) and the visits from me and DH would be very few and far between to be honest. I wouldn't want to stay with them and their partner in their house as I would feel like a nuisance/a burden/in the way, and being together (all of us in the house) would wear thin very quickly.

So we'd have to get a Travelodge or something. And that would rack up costs with travel costs and food too. I don't want to be forking out £550-£700 or so purely to see my adult children for a couple of days. And basically, I am too old and weary to be fucked with travelling hundreds of miles, visiting a place I don't really want to go to purely to see people who decided to move multiple hundreds of miles away. Yes, even if those people ARE my DC! (DH feels the same.)

If they moved away, multiple hundreds of miles, they'd have to come to us the majority of the time to be honest. I would miss them of course, but a 1000 mile round trip would do me in. I would really struggle to do it (and frankly, I wouldn't really want to.) I doubt they would ever move any further than they are now though. All their friends, their family, their social circle, their job, everything is all in this county.

I don't envy you @Beakthrough I would hate this. I can't understand why you can't find ANYwhere that is cheaper than £700 for accommodation, for the period of time you need to stay though.

I do agree with a pp though, that the 'I spent £1000 on seeing my son and it's the best £1000 I have spent' type comments are irksome. Many people don't have much surplus cash, and £1000 is a fucking fortune. Many people simply cannot afford to fork out a 4 figure sum to visit their adult children! If said adult children fuck off 400-500 miles or more from where they grew up/where their parents and family are, they will have to accept that THEY will have to do the visiting. Not fair to expect your family to do it, when YOU chose to leave, and move multiple hundreds of miles away!

.

I do know for many people that isn't doable, financially, but I think this is for you OP, so work up a better and shorter schedule and set a limit (e.g. £500) and go for it!

If you want to do it much cheaper, then coach, ask if you can stay in someone's spare room (in the shared house) when they go away are all ideas, but you are not in that ballpark.

If you saw him at Xmas, it's quite soon to be visiting. I agree it's a lot of money and time. He is understandably busy so you can't expect to see loads of him in that time.

I think I would try to combine it with something else I wanted to do, at least on the way there or back? or make sure there is other stuff to do when he's busy. If the accommodation is so much per night, a shorter trip would save a lot of money. Difficult though if that's where he has chosen to live. I hope you have a lovely time with him!

You’d better hope theyre not going to live in opposite end of the country, let alone abroad…..

Yeah, OP why do you live so far away? Can’t you just move to be closer to him? And then if he has kids you can provide childcare.

If said adult children fuck off 400-500 miles or more from where they grew up/where their parents and family are, they will have to accept that THEY will have to do the visiting

Hard disagree, they are young and have jobs and are starting up. I have more money than they do and a little more time now. The Op's children probably moved there for uni and stayed.

My mum always said, wherever in the world you are, that's where I'll go. That's what I've said to my children. They can't get away from us!

@FlyHighLikeABird

what about your life though? Your home, your job, your friends, etc? And maybe your kids wouldn’t want you following them where ever they move to?

It might be cheaper/more enjoyable for everyone if you pay for a flight for him and yourself (obviously you’d be flying from different airports) to somewhere else in Europe. You could spend three nights in a nice two bed apartment in Prague for £230, you could stay longer if you fancied it.

It's ok this time and maybe another time you won't feel you can afford it, or maybe the cost will feel ok again.

I understand your feelings. We are also spending hundreds of pounds each time we visit our son and grandchildren. Travel, cheap air b and b, taking them out for a meal . In fact we end up doing endless supermarket shops and cooking a lot of meals too. I love to see them but end up totally exhausted and not feeling like it’s been very enjoyable. Last trip cost us £1500 as we came down to cover the birth of their second child. I do sometimes think it would so much easier if they lived closer.

If you want to keep the costs down I would look at a Travelodge (they have rooms for £35 a night at the moment, so much cheaper than AirBnB).

I meant I would always visit them wherever they are. And I do. And they come back and visit me. You are arguing the one who moves should visit the old family area- I'm saying I don't agree, I expect my grown children to move off and away, even to other countries or continents and I don't see that as inconsiderate, I see that as normal. I will always go see them as a priority over random holidays, ideally combining the two if they live in nice places.

Why should he? OP is being weird.

When I visit my daughter at uni in Manchester I sometimes have a “bed picnic” in the Premier Inn hotel - eating a salad and yoghurt, or a sandwich and some fruit picked up in the nearest Tescos.

@Zov Many adult children move far away because where they were brought up simply doesn’t have the job opportunities. If you choose to bring up children in the countryside or a small town, for example, they may not be able to build their career in that area. My DD is at a university that has an excellent reputation in her field-I wish it was closer to home but it’ll open doors for her.

DH and I have made several moves for job opportunities and thank goodness we have with the COL. You move where the opportunities are. 🤷

Of course travelling from one end of the UK to the other can take all day. Whether by train or car. Why wouldn't think it wouldn't?

I live in North East Scotland and it would still take me 5 hours to get to Thurso.

I think many people have never ventured further north than Edinburgh - and you could drive for six hours from there before reaching the far north.

Don’t be daft - it’s your son!!!
Go and have a fab time with him…..and don’t grumble about the cost/prices whilst you’re there!

Ps be nice to his partner - don’t be a Vicky B

Even with the travel time I’d just go for the weekend. Travel Friday, stay three nights, back Monday. That will reduce costs but more importantly unless you have a car and want to sightsee or love solo winter hiking it’s going to be very odd to spend a week in a remote mountain location just seeing him in the evenings.

Even if it does take a day each way to travel, I still wouldn't stay so long. A week hanging around won't be fun for either of you. What about meeting for a weekend part-way next time?

We have been doing Bristol to Mull for the last 30 years, so I can appreciate the distances and difficulties in getting through the mountains.

We so drive as there is no airport on Mull. It can take 12 hours depending on whether we go via Fort William (Corran ferry) and Lochaline to Fishnish on Mull or via Oban to Craignure on Mull.
The only thing that makes it easier is that we both drive. We - ahem- bomb up the motorway until they end by Glasgow.

It can be expensive though. For us it's 3 adults, so 2 rooms if we can't stay with family, as happened last time time.
We budget 3 tanks of fuel- £150; ferries - £70; hotel for 2 nights-£400; food and drinks for 3 adults in hotel and pubs £200.