I'm going to visit my son. It's going to cost a fortune..

[Beakthrough]

He's in Uk at the opposite end to me.

He can't put me up so I need to pay travel and accomodation, plus I won't be able to cook for him (or vice versa) so I'll likely end up paying for several restaurant meals too.

I reckon, by the time I'm done it will cost me close to £1000 for the six days planned.

Nearly £200 in travel, £400 for the cheapest accomodation I can find, plus 5 or 6 dinners and ither spending money.

I have the money, I'd spend it on other trips without thinking too hard, but I'm struggling to justify it to myself for this one, which makes no sense to me. Can anyone else work out what's going on with my head?

Hopefully, eventually he'll have somewhere he can accomodate visitors but for the time being he can't.

You sound a bit judgey that he can't put you up? Maybe best not to visit right now?

I can understand the cost thing.

We used to be able to fly cheaply to see my parents in law and when they were still fit and active we could treat it like a holiday.

But now they are elderly. The extent of our activities is spending time with them and perhaps taking MIL shopping.

Flying plus car hire and airport parking etc. is nearly a £1000. So it's a lot of money for a quick visit. We can ferry and drive for slightly cheaper but that involves 24 hours of travelling each way and then you feel like you have to have an extended trip to make the travel worthwhile.

We pay for long haul flights to visit family. Yes, it is we, but we have to pay for 2 flights!! We buy all the meals whilst there too.

We can afford it so it's one of my favourite places to visit - we get to see the family. If you can afford it, what is the issue?

Do you think the thought of seeing him in his new home is making the move feel more permanent and real to you maybe?

Also guessing from what you’ve said I’d guess he’s in the Scottish highlands somewhere and I’d dread entertaining myself for a week in January with no car in most places about here 🥲

It’s difficult when you live far away. I talked to DD (20) about visiting her soon in her uni city, but when I worked out the costs, I decided against it as I’ve already spent a lot over Christmas! Like your son, she can’t accommodate me as she doesn’t have her own room (sharing with a friend to save money).

So I’m waiting a while. It’s expensive @Beakthrough but we’d rather they were out there getting on with their lives, wouldn’t we.

Coach will probably be cheaper. If not all the way but to get you closer.
i think someone mentioned the highlands, I don’t know if it’s there. But you could get the coach to Glasgow/Edinburgh and then train for the next part.

There are B&Bs which give you some use of a kitchen.
Then your food costs are just similar to what you are paying at home.

I don’t think anyone will doxx you if you say where you are going and people might be able to find you better/cheaper accommodation.

Go for 3 days?

It does when we visit the in-laws, but it's only ever a long weekend because any longer is too much for everyone. The travel days are just written off as wasted time, but that's what has to happen if we want to see them.

We also have to stay in a hotel, but a two night visit means we can pay to stay somewhere comfortable without spending the equivalent of a week's package holiday.

Why are you going for so long? 6 days is a long time if he has a ‘woman’
He won’t want to be with you constantly if he’s an adult

£1000 is not a fortune.

HRTFT but how about hire a camper van when you’re there? Could be cheaper and you could drive out and about when he’s working or just snuggle up with a book

Can I ask why the travel is so expensive? If booked in advance. Could you not catch a coach?

I guess if there really are no budget hotels or air b&b where you sleep on someone's couch that's cheaper than that then you can't really do much there to reduce costs. Unless you'd accept a hostel with shared rooms/bunk beds?

You could go out to eat at BYO restaurants or more casual cafes? It depends on the city but there must be some decent budget eating out options. Or have picnic lunches with supermarket stuff.

You don't need to pay for your son or his gf's meals. You can simply pay your own share. In an ideal world you'd both be able to treat each other but if money is tight just work together within your budget. If he wants anything pricier then he'll need to pay the difference.

If you really do feel resentful about it and would rather spend that money on another holiday, can't you just visit for a day? Arrive in the morning and go home late evening?

Have a look on Sykes or Cottages . com for a holiday cottage. They have very cheap things at the moment as they fuck the owners over. Then at least you can save money by cooking.

Goodness - so much to unpick here. I remember those days travelling to see my adult child when she lived some way away from us. Wild horses wouldn't have stopped me from seeing her! It was a long drive that I did alone and was always so excited when I got there.

I can say the cost never crossed my mind - I was so happy to treat her and her boyfriend (when she had one, not always) to meals out . Her flat was actually funded by the bank of mum and dad, and that was fine - we wanted her to live somewhere secure as she did shift work. It's a huge privilege that they want to see you - I would take plenty of books and enjoy some downtime while he's at work. Treat it as a holiday, and stop calculating the tariff - you might actually enjoy it!

It does seem odd that you are going for so long but then are going to be entertaining yourself during the day for quite a lot of the time and just seeing him on the evening.
If he can take a couple of days leave then I’d go for a long weekend.
Is the ‘no guests’ rule really that nobody is allowed to step over the threshold, or is it just overnight stays?
I’d look at hiring a camper van to drive there and stay in while I was there.

I imagine you feel frustrated that you're paying a lot of money (an amount that should get you "a holiday") just to stay in a different part of the UK to see your son.

But it sounds like there's a specific set of circumstances surrounding where he lives meaning it's just really expensive.

It's one of those things you're just going to have to chalk up as a bit rough on you.

(I imagine there's no Travelodges or Premier Inns within driving distance?)

Travel and accommodation is very expensive in the uk now. We are 2 hrs from our daughter and stayed one night in her city and it cost £160 for 3 of us (me, dh and son) in a nice but not massively luxurious hotel (breakfast included) plus £100 for a meal out £50 for drinks and travel there and back (car so probably about £50) Were you looking at airbnb rooms in people's houses? They can be more reasonably priced. I'd drive leaving early and returning late, stay for 3 or four nights. Do you have any friends on the way that you could stay with to break the journey? You could also look at pet sitting if you wanted to stay longer but they might not be happy with you hosting others in the house. I think you're just going to have to accept the expense this time. You could check out discount sites like Groupon and wowcher to see if there are any offers on accommodation in the area.

Can’t you drive there? Then find accommodation further out? Or you find an apartment with kitchen and save on costs that way. It’s hard to help as no one knows where you are looking to go.

I think OP means one day to travel there and one day to travel back home.

Can't she cook? (Sexist comment,of course - AirB&B looks like a good way out, though).

@Beakthrough as you mentioned UK and mountains, is it a Scottish visit?

Any camping pods? They are heated and usually have a microwave and fridge.

If it is Scotland (apologies if I'm guessing wrong) have you considered the sleeper train? The cabins are a fortune but I do it (the other way) as a seat. It's not a great night of sleep obviously but manageable for a few hours with a nap at your accommodation.

It would give you more full days without booking for so many nights.

If you are staying in a hotel then take a bowl and spoon so you can have cereal, or pancakes. I have an electric lunchbox. You can heat a ready meal in it without any mess. Does take a while but it only emits the tiniest amount of steam.

Save your money for the nice joint meals that are worth it rather than loads of incidental spending because you need to eat.

If you are able to give an approximate location people might be able to give you other suggestions.

Just dont let them see you carry it through, or leave it in the room for housekeeping to find 😁

Get an Airbnb

You can cook in those

Or a holiday rental

What's the journey and where are you looking to stay

This is the main reason I started doing petsitting. I mostly use it visit my child who I can't really stay with comfortably for either of us. I've now got 2 regulars a few minutes drive from his flat - perfect as I've got a whole house to use. One of them is happy for him and his GF to come over for dinner (and stay overnight if we're going out for dinner). I'm usually there a week and it takes the pressure off - we don't feel we need to meet up every day.

It been a good solution for me, I see him much more and it saves me a fortune. It's unpaid but through a company so there's some protection. Send me a PM if you want more info.