I'm going to visit my son. It's going to cost a fortune..

[Beakthrough]

He's in Uk at the opposite end to me.

He can't put me up so I need to pay travel and accomodation, plus I won't be able to cook for him (or vice versa) so I'll likely end up paying for several restaurant meals too.

I reckon, by the time I'm done it will cost me close to £1000 for the six days planned.

Nearly £200 in travel, £400 for the cheapest accomodation I can find, plus 5 or 6 dinners and ither spending money.

I have the money, I'd spend it on other trips without thinking too hard, but I'm struggling to justify it to myself for this one, which makes no sense to me. Can anyone else work out what's going on with my head?

Hopefully, eventually he'll have somewhere he can accomodate visitors but for the time being he can't.

Can he not come back to your home? If he is hard up you could contribute to fares as this would be cheaper for you than paying full fare and hotel.

I’m guessing you’re travelling by train. How many hours each way? It can’t take all day, maybe just most of the morning? I’d stick to a weekend when your son is off work. 6 days is insane.

Interesting that you say "us" because I'm going alone (there isn't an us) and the costs will basically be the same and if there was.

So a similar trip with my usual travel companions would cost me half. Being single (widowed) is very expensive.

Door to door is about 8 hours, more if I drive.

How come you're staying for so long? When I visit my daughter, I just go for a couple of days...quality not quantity.

Set off at 6am Friday and get there at 2pm. Spend Friday afternoon/evening with your son and Saturday too. Then go home on Sunday or Monday morning.

6 nights is ages…. Would you not just go for 3 days? Where are you travelling from and to?

That's not the point. He has limited AL & presumably doesn't want to spend ALL of it visiting his mum. Funnily enough.

Why can't it take all day? When I travel 400 miles to visit my widowed Mum it does indeed take all day. I am with her at the moment and last week I left home before 6am and thanks to problems on the West Coast main line and also the ferries I didn't get here till 8pm. If everything had gone as it should I would have been here around 4pm. And that's not by any means the longest journey you can make in the UK. It would take far longer by car and not much less by plane to the nearest airport.

Have you looked to see if you can house sit nearby to your son at that time? Walking some one's dog could be fun.

Yes Airbnb is almost always the most expensive way to self cater, we avoid whenever possible. You can often rent a property advertised on Airbnb elsewhere for much less or just avoid it completely.

OP is there a self catering Facebook group or a local SC website for the area he lives in? Or even better a last minute SC page. Booking direct will save a fortune.

Is it Aviemore area (only because you said mountains). There is a lovely cafe in Nethy Bridge with rooms above like a little guest house but it also has a small kitchen that can be used as well. Might be more affordable.

I'd completely understand if you were skint and worried about the cost, but you say you have the money and would spend it on other trips without much thought...

Do you have a strained relationship that's making you nervous? I can't really understand a parent not being happy to spend money that they can afford on visiting their son.

I don't think you should go.
Not at the moment anyway.

Loving the idea that there are 6am trains in remote locations ....or Sunday trains 🤣

One way to cut travel costs and also accommodation costs is to get an overnight coach, if such a thing is possible. I've done this between London and Glasgow a couple of times, admittedly only because there was a train strike (first occasion) and the second time to avoid a really awkward journey on a Sunday (difficulties with both ferries and trains, as per usual). I can't sleep on public transport so effectively I lose a night's sleep but it's not too bad otherwise, and far cheaper than the train.

OP, it does sound like there's more going on than you might have admitted to yourself. Have you visited him in his current home before? If not, are you worried about seeing what his life is like now, and not having an established place in it? If you've been before, was anything about the visit awkward? How do you get on with his partner and friends?

I'm not convinced that the money is the main thing here. I have two adult DDs and much as I love visiting them, both live at a distance and there is something a bit difficult about extended visits. I love them both dearly and want to see them, but tbh when I'm visiting them it reminds me I'm not part of their lives any more, and I worry about how I'll slot into their busy lifestyles when I'm around. Neither of them have kids, so I can't offer to help with childcare. In advance of going to see them I get the collywobbles about it, but when I get there it's always lovely and a joy to be around them. Could anything like that be the case for you? Worrying about the money is a proxy for (to me, understandable) nerves about visiting your son?

It sounds like a realistic amount for that sort of trip, esp as you are by yourself. If you enjoy train journeys then maybe only stay three or four days, and think of the journey as part of the holiday. We went to Edinburgh on the train for a visit like that and it was lovely.

Also won’t your son be working most of the days you are there? Will there be (touristy) stuff to do during the daytime?

Would this be the first time you visit him in his current location? Assuming he'll be there for a while (not changing location every few months digital nomad-style, or similar) I think in your position I'd place some extra value on going now or soon for a little more than a few days to get an idea of what life is like for him now in this place, and to reassure yourself that he's safe and well and settled in (not that he would not be, but sometimes seeing is believing). Would it perhaps help to think of this trip as kind of "its own thing" - with the future open as to whether, when, and how he (and maybe his partner) might come to you, versus meeting half way or both going away to a mutually attractive place, versus you going again to see him, perhaps at a different time of year? And you can adjust those plans as circumstances change.

This trip doesn't have to set a precedent for future trips; if you've done the research (and it sounds like you have) to make the most and get the best value for going to him for a week (or so), the trip may be worth the cost and hassle right now in its own right.

Many people get 20 - 25 days plus bank holiday, with holiday increasing for length of service. Twice in a year seems reasonable for that far away.

The only thing I'm puzzled about is why you have to eat out so much. How does your son cook for himself?

Can you make your visit shorter. Is he actually taking the week off work to be with you?

Posts like this make me realise just how much many mumsnetters are in a bubble, where £1,000 is nothing, and being able to pay for flights for their kids is a given.

Apparently OP should not turn a hair at spending that much because, as she's a mumsnetter, she must have loads of money sitting in her savings account. And the fact that the spending does concern her, must mean that she doesn't love her son as much as she should, and she must dislike his girlfriend.

🙄

Your son can do meals about surely you don't have to eat every meal with them/him 6 days is a long time to visit what are the plans are you going to be together all day.

Trains are expensive. You want 6 night accommodation and plan to eat out most of the time. It is going to cost. Logically there are two ways to cut costs -

Drive yourself which will presumably be a lot cheaper than the train and save on transport costs when you are there.

Book accommodation with self catering facilities.