If you have very young DC how often would you be happy with your DH going away for the weekend?

[Iusedtoshopatsafeway]

Reason for going away - to do hobby,which is just for fun (not part of a team or anything)

By “away” that means other side of the country or further, for the whole weekend

They also do hobby locally 2/3 times per week

I'd say twice a year at most. Never been in this position but DH had a regular work commitment of a fortnight in Japan throughout DS's childhood and regular work trips away in Europe (2-5 days) also. This wasn't really difficult as I was prepared for it and I freely acknowledge this is fine when you only have one child. DH was always around if there were any medical issues with DS - who was very prem - and did all school and nursery drop offs when here. Plus always made it possible for me to maintain my hobbies and interests.

Not very often unless he took the DC with him

2-3 times a year, as long as I got weekends away too and we could also afford at least one family holiday.

This is a mean response, given you know absolutely nothing about these posters situations. Maybe they can’t afford it? Maybe all their favourite thing to do is to spend time as a family?
you are entirely welcome to choose a different life, if it suits you and your family to have lots of solo hobby time, go for it.
the only ‘rule’ is really that it just needs to be equal.

Not mean at all. 'Letting' your partner implies you can afford it and they would like to go, but you just don't want them to for whatever reason. I can't imagine being so controlling over a partner.

Unless for business, very rarely.

It isn’t about ‘controlling’. It’s about doing your fair share of parenting.

How old are the children? Did he go away before having kids? 2-3 times a year? Would he have them if you wanted to go away?

A couple of times seems fair. Or more regularly is fine too providing that you are getting and wanting similar time away to your self.

Yes as others have said a few times a year but make sure you have time away too and both of you remember to have times when it’s the two of you and the kids having fun weekends as I remember it turned almost competitive with us who’d get time ‘out/off/away’ and you forget you shouldn’t wanting to be get away all the time!!!!! (But also agree with people saying you get bitter if not at all!!)

A couple of times a year is probably standard.

I might be more concerned about the three times a week hobby though…

So fair share of parenting means you both have to be there every weekend just to make it even? No life outside of having children, no respite, no hobbies. Just parenting.

Well to me that sounds miserable just because you don't want to feel like they are having time off. Thankfully we have raised our family with both having fun away with friends or family, together or apart and our children have seen us both have lives outside of being mum and dad and set a good example of being fulfilled people with our own hobbies. It isnt a competition to fo exactly the same all the time- 'why should you go away if I have to stay here?'

OMFG...noooo.

I would have let him go as often as he’d have allowed me to go away for a weekend leaving him with the DCs. Which would have been never.

All the posters who are saying that weekends away are fine have added that as long as it’s fair and both get weekends away so they would be doing their share.

That seems very dramatic. Especially considering OP's DH already does a hobby three times a week.

Hobbes, respite etc are absolutely fine but don't need to take up multiple entire weekends. A few times a year is absolutely fine especially if it also includes the other parent having a few weekends away, a weekend away together and a family weekend away as well as hobbies, nights out etc that don't involve all weekend.

Sounds plenty to me.

After the kids (twins) were past the brutal first year, I was okay with DH doing this every other month. I got similar.

But I was a SAHM so, wasn't run ragged trying to do fit family time and work in all week and then feeling dumped on at the weekend. Did find it a bit hard to have no break from the kids for 12 days straight, so made sure to organize seeing family when DH went away as they were great at watching over them and letting me relax for an hour or two.

I would find the hobby 2/3 nights a week more difficult I think. When do you have time for yourself or each other?

Depends on so many things. DH went abroad for work to weeks on end when I had one new born and also when I had a newborn and a toddler (and in between. After baby two he waited till I could drive post section). If he then wanted to go away for weekends on top more than once or twice a year I’d have been miffed.

If he hadn’t have been away so much I’d have been cool with 3-5 times a year. Would have wanted reciprocal arrangements.

Dramatic to say i don't have a problem with my DH going away when he likes? He doesn't mind me going either. It IS miserable to say your partner can NEVER go away. What a life.

Now you’ve taken my comment, which was a response to your comment, out of context.

your initial response was to declare it miserable for parents to not have a weekend off.

my response was to say that you knew absolutely nothing about said family, and that maybe they couldn’t afford it, or neither wanted to. In which case, it wouldn’t be miserable at all.

of course all that stuff you’ve written now is fine, do what you like. Just don’t go around declaring anyone who wants to do it different to you is miserable, that’s all. Because that’s needlessly unkind.

If we were equal I would be fine with it.. He gets a weekend away. A month later I get a weekend away. It wouldn't have to be expensive. Just a day and night with an old pal or similar. It would very much depend on my partner's attitude to equality in the relationship. If he objected to me taking time for myself I would be devastated by his selfish attitude and would probably have some hard thinking to do.

Don’t worry, one of those was mine too. I just forgot to quote the poster who I was responding to, who tried to shoehorn controlling in to make some posters feel like shit.

You're the one adding additional parameters (and assumptions) to the OP's very simple question.

Yes. Just get on with it!

As many times as he wants as long as I get to do the same (and that includes time during the week, as well as holidays).