The Newborn Experience

[Elephant768]

I’m really looking forward to meeting our baby boy (less so looking forward to child birth) but I know the end product will be worth it.

so many people in my personal life, Mums, MILs, colleagues have all said that “I’ll be begging for help” and that the newborn phase is really tough whenever I say I’m looking forward to it. Of course I’ve seen stuff on mumsnet and the internet too! I just see / hear more negative stuff than not and I don’t even have social media

I don’t doubt for a second that it’ll be tough at all, but I almost feel insane for looking forward to it when everyone seems to say it’s the ‘worst’ part so to speak. From my personal experience (and OK I’ve never been a mum or breastfed and have only briefly interacted with babies) but my current perception is that newborns are easier compared to say, toddlers who are charging around the place and asking a million questions. At least with a newborn, they feed, cry,, sleep and poo. But maybe that is the hard part.

it’ll be nice to hear any positive stories about the newborn weeks / months but equally any horrible ones so I know what to expect! I’m going into motherhood with a positive attitude but of course very mindful of the fact that so many people wouldn’t say it’s hard unless it wasn’t! But hard doesn’t necessarily mean bad, right?

I found toddler years much easier!

I’ve had 3 children and although yes you’re tired to begin with you soon get used to your new normal. I’ve never been ‘begging for help’ but did I see people regularly , yes. Did I let them hold the baby yes. But I was still able to make teas and coffees and cook my own meals with a newborn and then newborn and toddlers around.

I always felt the secret to it all was to have a routine from early on. Simple things like making sure I got out for a walk with the pram each day gave a structure to the day. Enjoy seeing people but for the company of others.

Did I have days where I’d had enough - of course - but remember even pre babies everyone has days like this.

Takeit all a day at a time and enjoy the little things .

I loved the newborn stage but don't underestimate the effects of lack of sleep and hormones. It can be hard when you're not getting much sleep but try and rest when baby sleeps. Enjoy those cuddles. The newborn stage goes really quickly.

The time can probably be summed up by the quote - it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

In theory the newborn stage should be easier than a toddler. But I think it’s the shock of being handed a little bundle who relies on you as a source of life 24/7 while your body and mind are still recovering from birth.

It’s also a lovely time because newborns are absolutely gorgeous and they are only teeny tiny for a fleeting moment in time.

I’ve never met a new mum who isn’t slightly traumatised by this life changing event but also try to drink in those special moments with your little baby.

I had zero experience of babies but I really enjoyed it. Weeks 1-6 were hideous as the sleep deprivation is insane. You can’t prep for that but after that it was all good.

I like the toddler phase too though. I’ve actually enjoyed all of it.

I had zero family help but husband was all in and did loads.

Because of my experience of losing my first baby I found myself consumed with anxiety when my second child was born. I was absolutely terrified about doing everything right.

But I can safely say that holding my little one in my arms and kissing the top of his head is the best experience i've ever had in my life and the pleasure of it always stays with me even all these years later.

I think the newborn experience is hard at times but the wonder of your new child just makes it all worthwhile.

Depends on your baby's temperament! My first slept through the night from birth to about 4 months so the newborn stage was easy peasy. It got much harder after that. I was grateful that I got a few months of recovery time and being well rested first.

Pregnant with my second and I'm very aware that it may be a completely different experience.

I really think the baby experience depends on how much sleep you do or don’t get

I know I’ve always absolutely adored newborns for that reason! They are just tooo gorgeous and scrunchy. But I’ll be mindful that the lack of sleep / crash in hormones and childbirth recovery might make things less ‘cute’ :)

Ah man it’s difficult to say. DC1 was a tricky baby, very colicky probably due to allergies. Cried a lot. I did want help but he wouldn’t let anyone else hold him but me. And it was Covid so no help really came.

DC2 and DC3 happy normal babies and I just watched tv and breastfed. Easy!!

but when all 3 are ill at the same time yes I am calling my mum and begging for help.

If you have a baby like mine second or third you will have some (normal) sleepless nights but manly quite a nice newborn experience with lots of snuggles and a mainly sleeping baby. I hope you don’t get my first baby! Unlikely

I adored the newborn experience, mine was in NICU for 3 weeks then once he was home, I was in a constant state of worry about having lost new born time and that he was getting bigger and I just wanted it to last forever. As it goes, it has, he's very unwell, so he's 20 months but he doesn't move, he can giggle and babble, and I spend a lot of the days still cuddling up with him in my arms.

Loved having newborns. My last was at the start of lockdown and what a lovely time that was. Cocooned in the house, together. No pressure to go anywhere or do anything. Horrible sleeper but I just napped when I could. Enjoy it!

I think there’s no way to tell how you’ll be, or how your baby will be.

Logically, yes a baby should be “easier” than a toddler. But I found the newborn stage close to hell, and have found my children only got easier as they got older. A big part of that is that I simply do not handle sleep deprivation well at all. I also found it very boring and went back to work early both times.
But I also know people who just adored it, loved mat leave, and thought that it time was the best time and really thrived in it.

‘They sleep’ hollow laugh, not when you need them to, at night, so you can also sleep. I agree with the best of times worst of times but also be prepared that it is a huge shock and I was a nanny and a teacher so thought I would be fine

It's good to go in positive, but just be prepared for the reality - very likely with a first baby you'll have something to recover from such as a tear, episiotomy or c-section. Breastfeeding is hard at first, be prepared to get support from midwives or local resources like breastfeeding cafes (look these up in advance!) or lactation consultants (also identify a few in advance). So much is the baby's temperament, but very normal for them to cry a lot once they get to 6 weeks. Consider how you could set up a safe cosleeping arrangement if necessary as that got us way more sleep in the early months (well, saying that we still do it at 15 months). Don't expect to 'get anything done'. Prep meals for your freezer in advance. I've found it so much easier since mine can move around, she was so bored and frustrated before that. And yes, they do sleep, but most often not in the night or in their cot!

Ignore people and their comments. I never begged for help. The most important advice l can give is to establish a routine as soon as you can, OP. I was up and about the next day with my second. And yes it's hard but it will get better. People like to scaremonger.

I'm finding teens more tiring than I remember two toddlers, or a baby and a toddler being.

But every stage of parenthood has its own problems and its own joys. One day can be rubbish, the next brilliant.

Dd barely slept and that was a killer. (She’s 17 now and lovely). When I had dtds everyone said “you’ll need lots of help with a toddler and twins” but then never offered that help. I actually found the twins much easier as they slept and I guess we had dd1’s routine so that worked. We went to euro Disney when dd1 was 3 and dtds 6 months then Canada with them all age 20 months and 4. We figured parenting was hard so let’s fit in stuff we want to do and embrace the madness.

I absolutely loved it. Just me and my pfb all cocooned up in our lovely baby bubble.

I enjoyed the toddler years too, loads of fun.

I absolutely loved the newborn stage tbh. Yes the sleep deprivation at night was hard but most newborns do sleep a lot in the day so I would doze on the sofa or watch something in the background. But also, making sure you get out and about most days for a walk is really important.

My biggest bit of advice is to make sure you have a shower every day, wear fresh clothes, do your hair and makeup (if you wear it). The odd days I didn't do that were when I always felt like a tired sad zombie.

I found the newborn stage very easy with all my 4dc. It wasn’t that they were particularly ‘good’ babies - just I recovered from the births really well and had this new found energy, I was like a Duracell bunny! Didn’t need any help really.
But…they start moving and communicating and 18months-4 (starting school) bloody hell I struggled. Those were my hardest years when I begged for help from friends.

Everybody is different. Every parent is different and so is every child.

I absolutely loved the newborn stage, makes me feel sad to think I'll never go through that again. It does depend on you as a person though I think, newborn is definitely most demanding without a doubt, that little human is completely reliant on you for everything, 24/7, especially if you are breastfeeding. It's hard to actually imagine now but I remember having a family dinner when baby was 3 weeks old, we had to be out the house at 3pm and I didn't have time to shower after literally being home the whole morning haha. Just remember all that matters is you and baby, everything else can wait. I loved the breast feeding and the newborn snuggles, that newborn smell! I was obsessed with my babies as newborns and never wanted to be away from them. I have however worked with animals my entire life and have bottle fed/raised orphaned animals where I felt that same mothering sort of enjoyment (well similar not the same as with my babies) often wondered if people who didn't have that tendency perhaps found the newborn stage harder

I personally loved the newborn phase. It was hard especially as there were concerns about my daughter's weight for some months. That said going to groups / classes, meeting up with other mums and lots of baby cuddles were amazing. I had to have a c section (baby transverse) but was going out on day 3. Came home from hospital day 2.

I am sorry if this is going to sound smug or insensitive-I really don’t mean it to. But I absolutely loved the new born stage. There were lots of reasons why- I had “easy” births and healthy babies, lots of support, no housing or money worries, found breastfeeding easy quite quickly. I am also a very sociable person so I genuinely enjoyed showing off my babies to family and friends. And I loved seeing people holding and admiring this little creature I had made! I know it’s not like that for many people-but it can be. Hope for the best-be prepared for the not so best.

The baby is fine! You’re right, they’re easier. However your hormones are crazy, you might have a difficult recovery - I was in agony every minute of the day for weeks, it passes but at the time I was so tired and in so much pain it was rough.
add in the worry and learning a new thing (how to be a mum how to breastfeed etc) and the total change to your routine and then a stream of people wanting to visit your house and have you feed them and make cups of tea for them
whilst you’re figuring that all out and that’s what makes it difficult.
if you have a baby with any health complications or reflux or won’t be put down it’s harder again, although you’re right that non of the individual tasks alone are that hard.
it’s like a marathon, you know how to run, but running for that long, through exhaustion and blisters etc is what makes it tough.
that said, it is also amazing and I know lots of people with easy recoveries, chill hormones and helpful family and friends and babies who didn’t sleep too badly and they had a lovely time just soaking in the newborn cuddles.

even if it is hard you’ll get through it and there’s lots of support available.

I would be making note of all the negative nancys around you though trying to scare you and be negative because they’ll just carry on doing that. If it’s fine when your baby gets here you’ll hear ‘just wait until’ and more threats of doom for some sleep regression/teething/crawling/the teen years. And if you do struggle with postpartum those negative emotionally unintelligent people are not who you’ll need around you.

I hope the birth and the newborn stage go really well for you op, it’s a really exciting time