The Newborn Experience

[Elephant768]

I’m really looking forward to meeting our baby boy (less so looking forward to child birth) but I know the end product will be worth it.

so many people in my personal life, Mums, MILs, colleagues have all said that “I’ll be begging for help” and that the newborn phase is really tough whenever I say I’m looking forward to it. Of course I’ve seen stuff on mumsnet and the internet too! I just see / hear more negative stuff than not and I don’t even have social media

I don’t doubt for a second that it’ll be tough at all, but I almost feel insane for looking forward to it when everyone seems to say it’s the ‘worst’ part so to speak. From my personal experience (and OK I’ve never been a mum or breastfed and have only briefly interacted with babies) but my current perception is that newborns are easier compared to say, toddlers who are charging around the place and asking a million questions. At least with a newborn, they feed, cry,, sleep and poo. But maybe that is the hard part.

it’ll be nice to hear any positive stories about the newborn weeks / months but equally any horrible ones so I know what to expect! I’m going into motherhood with a positive attitude but of course very mindful of the fact that so many people wouldn’t say it’s hard unless it wasn’t! But hard doesn’t necessarily mean bad, right?

I was lucky, DS was easy, so long as he had his milk and plenty of sleep he wasn't grizzly at all. If he got "overtired" which I always thought was a myth but soon completely understood, then he had an ear-splitting yowl that my HV said even a mother would struggle to love!

It is what you make it @Elephant768, however easy or hard it is, you have your precious baby in your arms and it's time for the two of you to bond and work out who the other is; and the calmer you can stay, even in the face of extreme provocation, the calmer your baby has a chance to be - not all of them take that chance of course, but it does mostly seem to be reciprocal.

What worked for me and my husband was to do alternate nights, so you were only ever one night tired and even if you had a dreadful night and just stumbled through the day, you knew you had an uninterrupted night to look forward to.

I was dreading it, both my Mum and MIL had told me that it would be dreadful and I probably wouldn't cope, but - possibly because I'd been waiting many years due to unexplained infertility - I just loved it and drank it in, even the multiple night feeds and nappy changes and all of it. I wish you the same.

People talk about the house being untidy, let the cleaning slide etc, and our house was spotless during the newborn period.

I was sitting more, we were just defrosting stuff we'd batch cooked, and he didn't have toys everywhere.

Newborn stage needs physical recovery, and you need to work out a way of everyone getting adequate sleep, but honestly, in every other way it's the easiest bit.

My least favourite months were 4m (sleep regression and 30m naps) and 6m (allergic to fucking everything weaning and screaming as he tried to crawl).

For me personally, the newborn stage is the easiest and my absolute favourite!! Enjoy all of those quiet moments and cuddles. Yes, being sleep deprived isn't easy, but it doesn't last forever (we were lucky and both DC slept through from 6 weeks, so maybe that's why I found it easier).

The toddler years are hard!! But also fun and I absolutely loved getting to know my DCs personalities!

There's pros and cons to it all...just enjoy as much as you can! And if it is tough, it won't last forever!!

Enjoy every second! :-)

I adored the newborn phase but I also slightly lost my mind. Hormones are a powerful thing!

The lovely sleepy cuddles though.

I loved the newborn years. (But then again I formula fed from day 1 so maybe that helped?!) I even loved being nap trapped and those 4am moments when only you and they are awake. Long walks with them in the pram…just lovely 🥰 enjoy xx

I loved the newborn stage, and was never begging for help (baby's Dad is a fully involved parent too though, would have been a different story without him). Of course it's hard but it's not that hard, and not harder than you expect. You'll be fine. I don't know why people have to try suck the joy out of things! Enjoy your baby ❤️

Thank you so much for all of your replies! It’s very reassuring to see so many positive experiences and even those that weren’t so ‘positive’ it’s v insightful and helpful to know because like everyone says, it’s going to totally depend on the babies temperament, how I cope with sleep deprivation, birth recovery etc. It’s good to know that a couple of people took the first week or two to just navigate with their husband, I think we’re planning on doing the same (unless of course we are in desperate need of a hand) - but it seems like a very precious time as a new family so I’m very excited but equally prepared for it to not be as exciting or as rosy. I’ll make sure to cherish it as much as I can X

Great attitude @Elephant768 ☺️

It depends on the baby. Both my babies were very unhappy being stationary babies, cue much crying and whining. They were much happier being crawlers and toddlers and slept much better and for longer periods once they were on the move. So it got much easier for me at that stage - theoretically, a baby on the move is harder but in reality I just had to find safe spaces for them to crawl and wear themselves out.

OPthere is no reason not to go in with positive expectations as long as you are not hard on yourself if it doesn’t live up to expectation.

as people say it’s glorious but can also be very very hard. In addition to exhaustion, hormones and healing, I found a few other things really tough. Anxiety. For the first time in my life, I was responsible for something so vulnerable that I loved more than life itself. And I wasn’t ready to deal with the massive sensitivity I had around whether I was doing the right thing/ was shaping up as a mother. Eg my baby had problems latching on so started losing weight. It was never dangerous, but it felt like I was failing as a woman/mother. Later she started vomitting up my milk… same feelings. Plus the seismic change in your level of control. Your ability to do a ‘good job’ (eg being in control of yourself, your emotions, your sleep, your bladder, your attentiveness to your partner etc etc…) Life feels suddenly very out of balance….. and we are used to thinking it should be in balance and that we should, as competent adults, be able to immediately balance any imbalance….

but I think a whole lot of this stress comes from the pressure and expectations we put on ourselves (especially women tend to). If you accept that’s it’s MEANT to be out of balance and a bunch of stuff will be out of control, and there will be way more bad temper, leakage, farting, and chaos than normal (not just from the baby!), then you will probably free yourself to enjoy the delightful messiness and challenges as all part of the journey.

it can be absolutely wonderful. I only ever had one though- and it’s the only thing that makes me wish I had another’s to enjoy it all without the additional anxiety and self-judgement of the first time!

Good luck, enjoy, and go easy on yourself through the tough parts!