Mean moms

[crazystar]

My child is new to the class and the youngest. She’s not been invited to a party by a girl she plays with.

I raised the issue with the other mum (very gently, I thought), but was told I was being childish and given a lecture about how “life is tough” and it’ll be a learning opportunity to all involved.

I’m feeling a bit taken aback. I wasn’t trying to make a big issue — just advocating for a young child who’s still finding her feet.

Would others have handled this differently, or is it best just to let it go and move on?

YABU. You can't make the girl and her Mother invite your daughter. Bloody hell. Entitled much?

I wouldn’t have said a word.
My young primary aged children don’t get invited to ALL parties because thats just life! I think you were cheeky here.

I also have twins - sometimes both invited to a party, sometimes not. I help them manage this disappointment, and they have learned to do so well.

I’d have managed my child’s expectations thay she is not entitled to an invite, and it doesn’t mean they aren’t friends just there is cost and limitations, many people don’t have whole class parties. There is absolutely no way I’d have tried to get an invite for her.

Oof
the birthday girl can invite who she wants
the mum could have worded it in a nicer / less patronising way
There will be dozens of things your child isn’t part of during school
she needs to have a spread of friends

As much as I understand how you might be feeling, the mother doesn't owe you any explanation whether your line of questioning was 'gentle' or not.

Please don't be THAT parent because the only person who'll suffer for it will be your child.

How old is your child op?

and how new? I don’t think you’ve done her any favours here, so I’d apologise to the other mum and say you didn’t know what you were thinking and hope her daughter has a wonderful time.

YABVU. I’m embarrassed you actually raised this with the mum. It is a life lesson that you cannot be invited to every party. Let you child know that when it’s her party she gets to choose too.

I hate all this advocating nonsense. She wasn’t invited to a party. You don’t need to advocate for her - she will not have been traumatised as a result. You just say ‘oh well, perhaps there’ll be another invite this year. What do you want for your dinner?’

Whoa! Think OPs have been a bit harsh. It’s hard to be the new kid and sometimes they fall between the cracks. What age are they? Are most of the kids in the class going?

Tbh I think I’d probably have left it too, sucks but that’s the way it goes for them sometimes

Why do you think she should be invited?

So is it only your child that’s been left out op?

YABU. I know you said you did it gently but your phrasing of “raised the issue” and “advocating” shows that clearly you thought it was a problem for the mum to be put right on. Which it is not.

I did this anyway

I mean, I get where you’re coming from, it would be nice to invite the new girl and of course it would be great for your daughter, but unfortunately we can’t get invited to every party. There are usually limited numbers. It’s best to explain this to your daughter and not make her think it’s a big deal.

I don’t think harsh, the op is a grown up and asked, it is hard to be the new kid, but your mum asking for you to be invited to parties you’re not invited to makes it harder.

It’s much better to manage your child’s expectations and explain they can still be lovely friends, there is likely a limit on numbers, and maybe rhe op does something special thay day with her child.

Yes

are you sure? That would be very unusual. How new is she then?

She’s 5 and I hope won’t notice ! I’ll take her out with other friends outside of school

the point of asking too was also thinking it was a mistake or oversight

6 months and same mum concerned initiated play dates with us - and the girls got on.

How do you know that?

Because if the mum is doing a whole class party and had accidentally excluded your DD then even if she thought you were being pretty rude by bringing it up, I’m surprised by her response.

It’s a small class of 13t too - private school
all the girls were invited just my daughter not

Then I’d question if this really is a whole class party op as it doesn’t make sense.

I hope this doesn't cause a rumour that you 'demanded' an invite for your daughter, because she'll be unlikely to be invited to other parties if it does.

She didn’t really explain why not -‘just lectured Me. I would understand if a cost involved but just can’t see why

other than to be completely spiteful

i was concerned but thankfully she’s been invited to others already