Mean moms

[crazystar]

My child is new to the class and the youngest. She’s not been invited to a party by a girl she plays with.

I raised the issue with the other mum (very gently, I thought), but was told I was being childish and given a lecture about how “life is tough” and it’ll be a learning opportunity to all involved.

I’m feeling a bit taken aback. I wasn’t trying to make a big issue — just advocating for a young child who’s still finding her feet.

Would others have handled this differently, or is it best just to let it go and move on?

Actually these days this is really easy. When mine were young enough for whole class parties I did the invites via the WhatsApp group, and nearly excluded a newish child as his parents weren’t on the group. I only realised when I chased the last few RSVPs ( yes I did invite him then but it was rather short notice).
I was wondering if in OPs case something like this happened, or it was an activity that could only have a small group ( if six were allowed and there are seven girls in the class I can see a situation where she invites those who she knows best, although I’d’ve picked a different activity to avoid that), but from the updates it does sound like she’s just being mean.

What sort of party is it? Is it one where the parent stays?

no which tbh mine o younger side im not comfortable with

I dunno why but I liked quizzing her

Surprised by number supporting mean actions tbh
says a lot about values and lack of kindness out there

harsh realities at 5 and the whole “tough luck “

well I’ll shield my dd from that for as long as possible thanks

You shield them by building their resilience.

Erm, general rules of society?

Jesus.

I think you did the right thing, OP, and it was brave. The other mum is indeed being unkind here. I also think if you had written your first post to include the crucial information that all the girls in the class were invited except for yours, you would have got different responses. I like to think that most people would agree that it is wrong to exclude just one 5 year old from a birthday party.

I think Mumsnet definitely has more of the school gate nightmare contingent posting than it used to…

OPs daughter was the only girl not invited, she has had play dates with the party girl and they are 5 years old. I would have also assumed it was an oversight (but wouldn’t have said anything). The mum is unkind and will probably be a nightmare.

It does seem mean if she's invited all the girls except for your daughter. I couldn't do this to a child personally as I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings. Unfortunately not everyone is the same and as unfair as it sometimes seems it's their choice who to invite to their child's party. There's nothing you can do other than don't make a big deal of it in front of your daughter and she will soon forget about it. I do understand where you're coming from as it does affect us mums when our kids are left out.

When my son had parties when he was younger we had a rule regarding invitations. I said to him it's fine to invite a couple of close friends or even half the class to your party. That way the children not invited don't feel too left out as they aren't the only ones. What I would never allow was to invite the whole class and leave 1 or 2 kids out. That's unacceptable and cruel in my opinion. If you're having 28 kids out of 30 for example, 2 extra aren't going to make much difference.

It’s not. No one gets invited to all the parties. I’m sure you will eventually figure this out.

Well, I think your post illustrates that people can be nastily bitchy for no reason. Hence people may also purposely leave one child out of a whole class party.

‘Advocating for my daughter’? You advocate for a SEN diagnosis not for an univitation to a party.

Are you for real? This isn’t advocating this is entitled spoiled behaviour because your daughter didnt get what you wanted.

And then you spoke to the kids parent about it? I think you are more likely to never be invited now than advocating your entitlement and getting invites in future.

Are you her ? Listen to yourself out loud

it’s plain mean

I suspected her true colours tbh
man it’s confirmed them - love a challenge and confrontation of nastiness too

will always call it out

Thank you

i really have moved on and mums are on my side - of course they’ll still go though
but I have no doubt they aren’t her friends and ultimately it’s a bad reflection on her and her kid will suffer for it sadly

I’ll also invite them to my daughters party soon

Nope that favours the mean folk

What does this even mean at 5??? Kids shouldn’t be resilient at such an age

Mumsnet is notorious for mean moms 🤣🤣🤣🤣

You weren’t advocating for your daughter, op, you were trying to bulldoze her way into a party she wasn’t invited to.
Mean moms indeed. Grow up.

Of course they should. Leaning resilience is a life skill and should be taught from birth in an age appropriate way. You know like, ‘we don’t always get invited to everything and we’ll do something else. Now, shall we find a book to read?’ And you move them on. Parenting 101 (as opposed to ‘always calling people out’ which is aka creating drama where none exists).

I am beginning to see why the other parent wants to keep her distance from you, tbh.

Aaaah. As in so many of these threads, it becomes clear; you are the problem, not your DC