Mean moms

[crazystar]

My child is new to the class and the youngest. She’s not been invited to a party by a girl she plays with.

I raised the issue with the other mum (very gently, I thought), but was told I was being childish and given a lecture about how “life is tough” and it’ll be a learning opportunity to all involved.

I’m feeling a bit taken aback. I wasn’t trying to make a big issue — just advocating for a young child who’s still finding her feet.

Would others have handled this differently, or is it best just to let it go and move on?

At 5 and a small class of 13 I think it's reasonable to expect the whole class to be invited. We're at 8th birthdays in a similar size class and everyone is still doing whole class parties.

How exactly did you phrase it to the mum as her response is a bit rude. It's not unreasonable to check if the invite went missing if the girls have had playdates and it's a small class.

That is what I was wondering too. It really doesn’t make sense.

It is definitely strange to have a whole party and exclude one child with such a small group. It is possible the children don’t get on and you aren’t aware yet. Certainly not being invited suggests they really don’t get on.

Can’t believe you did that your poor child!

Why ?

the girl and her play everyday
even today I saw them running around - so for me it’s wild she’s been left out anyone can clearly see there friends - which is why I asked , more along the lines perhaps an oversight ?

I agree - I didn’t ask for it
i just don’t get it

but also am now just as bored of it
there will be another time

but I do think it’s reasonable to ask

So the mum invited everyone else but just not your daughter? If true then yanbu. That’s just spiteful

Perhaps your perception of them running around together and playing happily isn’t the same view the birthday girl has or maybe the parents don’t like the behaviour of your child and don’t want to encourage a closeness.

It’s not kind to exclude one child out of the class though, regardless of whether they aren’t liked. To get around the issue most people opt to invite a smaller group.

Why on earth did you raise it with the other mother?

No one has to invite your child. Thats just life. You get invited to some parties and not others. This sort of thing will happen a lot.

You need to stop paying attention to this sort of thing, it really doesn’t matter.

And how would I have handled it?

”X didn’t invite me to her party!”

me: “never mind.”

The end.

I wouldn’t have said anything. I can’t believe you did tbh.

You caused the drama by asking 😵‍💫

Just read your update that she’s the only one not invited.

It still doesn’t matter. You still can’t force an invite. They haven’t invited her for reasons you will never know.

Its shit but you can’t do anything about it.

How do the other mums know?

Honestly op. I'm sure you're disappointed but really it's not the done thing to ask for an invitation to something for your child.

You said sorry so she'd unreasonable not to just forget about it .

It’s really not. You don’t ask for invites to someone’s party or event after they went out. You just don’t do that.

YANBU. It’s awful to leave only one child out - I’d never dream of doing this

I didn’t ask for an invite ? I asked why she was the only one not invited

@Wickedlittledanceryou don’t do that either

Kids must have told them or she did

what rules are there to say I can’t ask why she wasn’t invited ?

Lucky you

Yes only my child left out
for anyone still interested!

She’s done it to others and then b*tched about it too - another mum told me it’s her thing since nursery

makes a point of leaving one or two out

she’s awful !

Oh, fuck her then. There’s a special breed of women who transfer their mean girl tactics over to parenthood when they become mothers. It’s pathetic, it really is. I’ve met a fair few in my time over three children.

Let her get on with it and smile.

There’s no rules.

But what was it going to achieve? You don’t just forget to invite one child. She wasn’t going to go, “oh no! Gosh, of course she’s invited!”

Asking her wasn’t ever going to achieve anything but more stress for you.

Pull back. These things really, really aren’t important. You’ll end up driving yourself nuts. Drop off/pick up and smile. Keep it at that.

It does sound strange unless the birthday girl has said she doesn’t like your dd. Sometimes children play with someone a lot, but say they don’t like them or maybe don’t like if they’re a bit bossy (for example).

From your update though, it sounds like she’s just strange. It might bring your closer to the other mums though, so arrange some play dates with their children to encourage other friendships.