What is “playing the game” at work?

[Frozen321]

I’ve not had a lot of luck with jobs in the past, apart from one job I really loved but got made redundant from. I’ve had a few bosses who never seemed to like me and I’ve been so unhappy. I’m good at my job but I’m not interested in a career or promotions.

I used to have a counsellor who said I should play the game more, but I have never understood what this means. Why should I play games and what exactly does this involve?

I’m just a straightforward person who doesn’t enjoy sneaking around and I can’t stand gossipy behaviour.

How does this come across to others in your words / actions?

This is so spot on as a neurodivergent person! Although I would add I do all of this and still rub people up the wrong way somehow even though I try so hard not to, you're not alone, OP!

I also just wanted to add your counsellor is just a person and not some all-knowing being and may have themselves had some strange ideas, you don't have to take their word as gospel, they haven't observed you at work (I assume?!) Perhaps it depends on the style of counselling, but my understanding is that counsellors aren't meant to give advice so I'm surprised they were telling you what you 'should' do. I did a level 3 in person centred counselling last year and we weren't even supposed to ask questions as that's too directive, advice was a total no-no!

Also in my experience most workplaces are terrible and bosses often seem to be threatened or even just baffled by competent people who are happy where they are. Some people don't like what they don't understand! I had totally given up hope on ever finding another job I liked until this year but my current colleagues are very kind and supportove even when I can tell I infuriate them so maybe if you keep trying you will find another job you love. It happened once, it can happen again! Maybe you could think about what it was about that job and look around for something with the same qualities?

Oh wow thank you both. This describes it exactly. Unfortunately by complete accident I've ended up in a series of quality and compliance roles which was 100% the wrong option for a ND mind as am required to ensure compliance where human nature is programmed not to. Sadly I didn't know i was ND until recently and am trying to work my way out of this area. I wish stuff like this was taught in school or college. NT seem to know instinctively how to operate, ND don't seem to.

That's really interesting, I think because I'm ND I'm very drawn to work that involves ensuring people comply with the rules, but agree without appropriate power or a culture that supports this, it just means people end up disliking you.

I now work at a regulator as an analyst and find people are much more motivated to do things correctly, I think partly because that's our whole function so probably people who want to work here tend to appreciate rules and processes. But also as I'm in a big team of analysts everyone is invested in quality and picking up on errors and appreciates people doing that, all of our work is quality assured, which means I finally feel my pedantry is valuable! I think you need incredible people skills to ensure compliance in broader groups of colleagues when it's not in their nature, and that's one reason a previous role didn't work out for me.

Just thought maybe there are roles in your field that involve less of that persuasion/influencing aspect? But maybe you're right and quality and compliance is not where you want to be!

I think bosses give less time to those who are happy to stay where they are, it doesn't mean they do t like you but that theyre happy to leave you to do what you do while giving time to those who want to develop or are more likely to leave.

For me, playing the game means being publically on message and networking. I do 1, but can only do 2 when I genuinely like the people.

Another thing to bear in mind if you are part of a team - no silo working please.

if you are making major changes to data or software please share it with the team. We have had a massive problem at work when someone left and had made loads of changes we knew nothing about. We have had to amend so much data back to what it should have been. The repercussions were still occurring a couple of years after this employee left.

He was brilliant at his job, but he was just not a team player.

When you first join a workplace sit back and observe what goes on around you and who are the top guns/ popular ones and it isn’t always managers. Don’t reveal your plans for progression as it can make others feel threatened. Just smile a lot, especially when you see people as it makes them think you like them . Try and have a neutral expression on your face . If you dislike someone try not to show it in your face or body language. Try and go under the radar as much as possible and avoid troublemakers, gossips and narcs but if you have to interact with them make it pleasant. Once these types of people know you don’t like them they will go out of their way to crush you and turn others against you and will make your time at work very unpleasant, hoping you will leave .

Took me years to realise this, regardless of rank and any desire to progress or not, it is your responsibility to "manage" your boss

Really appreciate this discussion. Thanks OP.

An example of how I can never win in my roles is this. There are monthly metrics for my activities. One relates to measuring if reviewers from another team did their review on time. Last year I followed the process and their late metrics were published and hey ho the challenges started digging into the data to prove they were right and escalation to management even tho the data was correct. A different arm of the company does the same metrics with the same team and they massage the data so it's not late and they get great headlines and the promotions.
This year I am going to be less analytical as it really isn't worth the agro. Not how I'd like to be but as we can see from this discussion this is what you have to do to fit in and get on.

It took me a long time to realise that style of question didn’t mean it was optional.

Yes, as a new manager it took me a while to adjust my communication for someone I managed who didn't understand that or other similar, e.g. I would say 'I would do X' and she took that as advice she could either take on board or not (and usually wouldn't), while I expected she would do X because if my boss said to me 'I would do X' I would take that as an instruction. I could see that the fault/ lack of clarity in the situation was mine, but it did take a lot of conscious effort to train myself out of 'hedging' or 'softening' all my instructions because I'd been so strongly conditioned to do so. I actually had a workplace coach who had to tell me 'it's ok to sound bossy if you are the actual boss'!

I much prefer the direct approach then there’s no confusion.
But others don’t respond well to that! And unfortunately I'm
not the boss.