What is “playing the game” at work?

[Frozen321]

I’ve not had a lot of luck with jobs in the past, apart from one job I really loved but got made redundant from. I’ve had a few bosses who never seemed to like me and I’ve been so unhappy. I’m good at my job but I’m not interested in a career or promotions.

I used to have a counsellor who said I should play the game more, but I have never understood what this means. Why should I play games and what exactly does this involve?

I have friends in the NHS. They have SLAs to meet - Service Level Agreements. Differs by department but they're expected to do things within a timeframe and they get questioned if they fall outside of it.

Some type letters for the patients. They're expected to log how many they've done and if they're below their daily target they have to explain what else they did that day to account for it.

Everywhere has an expectation on performance, behaviour and productivity.

It was reported, it carried on.

Imagine you're at a job interview, and you're being asked about a time you had to manage a difficult situation. Are you scrupulously truthful in the example you talk about, giving other people credit for what they did and minimising your involvement, even if that means you don't come across in the best way. Or do you slightly big up your involvement and present yourself in the best possible light, even if it's stretching the truth a bit?

The latter is "playing the game" - accepting that when it comes to things like job interviews, everyone is probably exaggerating a little bit to make themselves sound more capable, efficient, whatever. So if you choose not to play the game and don't toot your own horn, you're playing against competitors who probably are who then have an advantage.

In my opinion see also things like being deferential to senior managers. Not full blown sycophantic, but if you're following the unwritten rules of the workplace then you're probably going to give a polite chuckle at the bad joke made by the boss in the daily meeting. Because they're the boss. It does you no favours to sit there stony-faced showing how bored you are. That kind of thing.

I see playing the game as getting in a little earlier before your official start time and also not leaving dead on finish time. Little things like offering to make the others a coffee or asking about their weekends. Being interested and interesting and volunteering to help over and above.

I suspect this is exactly why your bosses have a problem with you. If you don’t know what your KPI (key performance indicator) is or what your SLA ( service level agreement) is, then I would suspect you are performing under target.

You should ask your manager for an appraisal meeting so you can agree what you need to do to deliver.

Good luck

When I was midway through my career someone I admired professionally, when talking about her job said it was to make her own boss’s life easier. And that really resonated. From that day I’ve always framed my work life as is what I am doing making my managers life easier and if it isn’t why not and can I change my approach so it is. I’m now very senior and very successful.

When I think of it in relation to my team the people over the years that I have struggled with, are those that are inflexible, think they’re always right, argue with other colleagues, are sullen or prone to sulking if they don’t get their own way, want to take all the glory etc etc.

being good at your job is a given - that’s what gets you in the door. Staying is dependent on the soft skills, so think critically how are you showing up, what do people think of you?

I was once told that I was the only member of a team that "unburdened" my boss because he could a) trust me to do what he asked without having to check on me, b) give me problems and I would find a way to fix them and c) if I found a problem would find a solution before putting it on his radar (unless impossible). He told me it's why I was consistently marked as over performing when I thought I was just "doing my job".

I've tried to make sure I carry on doing this wherever I've ended up, because it really stuck with me that there's a lot of people out there who just pass things up/along the chain and they make my working life harder so why would I want to do that for someone else?

Not all jobs do have these as explicit, written-down and objectively measurable facts. But every job does have expectations and ways that people can tell whether or not you're doing 'enough' and doing it 'right'. E.g. you may not have a SLA saying the maximum time to respond to a client query - but your boss certainly has a strong idea about how long is too long. I think these unwritten expectations can sometimes be quite hard for some people - they feel instinctive to same people, but not at all to others - and I wonder if you are right, not that OP has these written down and doesn't know about it, but that they exist as unspoken expectations and she's not picking this up.

I really agree with this.
My job is to make my boss' life easier and to make him look good ( he's very good and gives full credit where it's due!) so I make sure that is always at the back of my mind.

I know I've progressed partly because of my people skills and my ability to create and maintain positive relationships. I'm also always willing to get stuck in when needed which helps get respect from my team.
That's what I think of when I think of playing the game.

I have mainly worked at very small companies, including a family firm run by a couple. I have never worked in the corporate world. At small companies you’re just expected to get on with things naturally without them being measured.

OP, it would really help if we understood the type of job you are in. The game for a retail worker would be very different to the game for an associate in a magic circle law firm.

A great message above re: neurodivergence. I’m also neurodivergent and I play the game. I am forever grateful to people who explained the rules to me.

This isn't true. I've worked for small and large companies. Everywhere has performance and behaviour expectations. You just might have to ask for them to be defined if they're unwritten and you're not "fitting in" or you're not meeting them without realising.

This with spades!

I worked with someone once who was mediocre at his job, but he was very popular and well-liked. He would get allowances for all sorts of stuff, a smile if he was late to meetings because "we know what he's like", people would be happy to go through things with him, and generally work with him because he was so pleasant and enjoyable to be around, despite not being the best person for the job by any means.

I thought that work was very transactional - I do my job, you pay me, the end. But I heard on a podcast once that if you're a fun, kind, interesting, easy to work with, person, you need to show it at work, otherwise how will anyone actually know? And that comes out with helping people at work, or making a call a bit more light-hearted, joking about Monday or Friday or feining an interest in the weekend. Once I started doing this, my HOD started telling me I had a real attitude shift and I was working better, more engaged etc. My output didn't change, I just spoke more about non-work stuff and he became very impressed at my contributions.

I know what my team's SLAs are, but I have no idea what our KPIs are, and they are never communicated, although I understand the company's expectations.

The company I work for is a large company with a multi million pound turnover, but some of the corporate stuff that you expect to hear is simply not communicated where I work.

this is not an office environment, you need to work as a team a level of trust is required. People would try to get you into trouble, if managers were bullying that gave the rest of the workforce the green light to join in. I don’t want to say too much. Felt sad that people who weren’t in the cliques didn’t speak up, maybe they didn’t see the bad behaviour or they chose not to get involved.

Not sure bullying like that you ever get over. A level of trauma is left. Out of it now. I was lucky I was able to retire early.

Think tall poppy syndrome, the aim was to cut the tallest poppies down.

Playing the game means sucking up to bosses whether you like them or not. Nod, smile, agreee even though you are thinking 'what an idiot'. Not a game I could ever play, just said it as it was, wasnt in my psychi to do this.
If I disagreed with something I would say so, because I think that is how good decisions are made ... considering different viewpoints.

I am sorry this was your experience.

It isn't everywhere though.

It's not about sucking up. It's about making other people's lives easier.

It's also not about agreeing with everything. You can disagree constructively, it doesn't have to be an argument or conflict. There's ways to put your opinion across for consideration that will come across positively.

and then you report that it is carrying on and look for work elsewhere.

It is a fact of life that some people will be worse than others.
It is also a fact of life that your work day is a lot easier if people behave in a socially acceptable way.

I work with Germans. I have had to adapt to their direct way of talking or asking for things. (which, tbh, i much prefer to the British way of skating round a subject)

I have learnt that you need to build relationships and be helpful and nice.

There will be a work culture that involves a degree of networking and possibly social lubrication. Your therapist is probably suggesting you tap into that some more.

It’s very difficult to play the game if you’re ND. People instinctively suss you out as “different” and “other” and this often leads to bullying.

I don’t know the answer. ☹️

Then be true to yourself. As PP have mentioned, find a healthy balance of connecting with colleagues on mutually interesting topics but not oversharing.

Do only what's comfortable for you, don't violate your personal boundaries but still be approachable, cooperative and helpful.

if you need to meet a deadline, then that's your priority, so put those healthy boundaries in and be honest if you have to crack on to get the job done.

Find a good level, where you're not always accessible, but aren't unapproachable either.

dont get hung up by the words " play the game", it means different things to different people.

And care just a little bit less about what people think of you, it really doesn't need to matter.