We have tickets for an event. DH has some work. WWYD?

[Haosnook]

The event is in London. We don't live a million miles away, DH often has work in town, but we've booked a hotel to make a proper outing of it. We'd both been looking forward to it.

DH is self employed. He works freelance for a dozen or so companies. Some are much better payers than others so naturally he prioritises them.

The work he does is not particularly demanding for him (he's good at it) so he doesn't work that hard. What is more challenging is keeping busy enough to make a decent living.

So one of the better jobs offered by the good company has come up on the afternoon of our trip. He can earn in a couple of hours what I earn in two days in my junior manager public sector job, plus the market is such that if he turns it down, the company might not call him next time.

The job is in London, but the compete opposite side to where we'll be.

I feel really I need to tell him to take the work. He's said he won't, but I think he should, although I'm obviously disappointed.

We could check into the hotel (early) have some lunch together and he'd go off to work leaving me to travel to the event alone. He'd come and meet me there later, probably missing the first half an hour.

I think that's OK? A friend has told me she'd be furious and wouldn't stand for it, so now I'm questioning whether I'm a pushover....

Sounds entirely reasonable to me. You’re an adult woman, not a child who couldn’t negotiate an afternoon in London!

I'm already planning what I'll treat myself to in the pub on the way 🤣

What’s wrong with your friend then, does she always treat partners like shite and expect others to? Of course he should take it; good god.

I used to be freelance and DH still is and we'd do what you're proposing to not lose the client.

If he wants to take the work and you are happy for him to I don’t see the problem.

It's one of the hazards of self employed work. The compromise sounds sensible. As you've pointed out, it's the income from the work that funds a nice lifestyle. Your friend seems to think you can have the money and turn down work but in reality the two need to be balanced!

I was self employed doing a similar type of thing by the sounds of it.

It's a difficult one because your mind set is that it 'costs' you money when you take time off. And also that your employer doesn't think you take it seriously enough.

I'd have done the work and arrived at the event a bit late if it were me ( and indeed did do that type of thing quite often)

Is the afternoon in the hotel 'worth' paying £500 or whatever fee he's getting?

OP, I think you sound entirely reasonable and a supportive partner. What you've come up with will work. For sure, not ideal turn out for your plans, but you still get to spend some time together. I spent years being self-employed and having to jump last moment, so partners like you are appreciated. It's not like I enjoyed having to change plans last moment.

That’s a good idea, and your friend sounds like hard work

I’d take the money, enjoy some time doing what I want to do, and meet him later.

Your compromise is grown up and reasonable. DH is missing the first day of our family holiday at half term for similar reasons. It’s annoying, but one of those things you have to roll with when you’re self employed.