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We have tickets for an event. DH has some work. WWYD?

36 replies

Haosnook · 15/01/2026 16:49

The event is in London. We don't live a million miles away, DH often has work in town, but we've booked a hotel to make a proper outing of it. We'd both been looking forward to it.

DH is self employed. He works freelance for a dozen or so companies. Some are much better payers than others so naturally he prioritises them.

The work he does is not particularly demanding for him (he's good at it) so he doesn't work that hard. What is more challenging is keeping busy enough to make a decent living.

So one of the better jobs offered by the good company has come up on the afternoon of our trip. He can earn in a couple of hours what I earn in two days in my junior manager public sector job, plus the market is such that if he turns it down, the company might not call him next time.

The job is in London, but the compete opposite side to where we'll be.

I feel really I need to tell him to take the work. He's said he won't, but I think he should, although I'm obviously disappointed.

We could check into the hotel (early) have some lunch together and he'd go off to work leaving me to travel to the event alone. He'd come and meet me there later, probably missing the first half an hour.

I think that's OK? A friend has told me she'd be furious and wouldn't stand for it, so now I'm questioning whether I'm a pushover....

OP posts:
Villanellesproudmum · 15/01/2026 16:52

Can’t negotiate a different day/ the morning instead I guess ? There must be a way he can leave half an hour early no, what’s the work or type of work ?

abricotine · 15/01/2026 16:53

Your compromise sounds reasonable and sensible to me.

Morepositivemum · 15/01/2026 16:53

How does it make you a pushover? It sounds ok?

Icouldwriteabookonmydisastrouslife · 15/01/2026 16:53

I think as long as you’re ok with that then it’s no one else’s business . Sometimes life comes in the way of stuff we want to do and as long as he can make some of it then I would compromise.

Some people can’t do ANYTHING by themselves though .

itsthetea · 15/01/2026 16:53

Well if he wants to go to the event it seems mean to make him work instead

depends on your financial situation but if you had enough to book a night over in London you are not broke / life is for living

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 15/01/2026 16:54

This wouldn’t bother me at all.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 15/01/2026 16:54

Sounds fine to me

Haosnook · 15/01/2026 16:54

Villanellesproudmum · 15/01/2026 16:52

Can’t negotiate a different day/ the morning instead I guess ? There must be a way he can leave half an hour early no, what’s the work or type of work ?

No it's a fixed 2 hour period where he's managing discussions with a group of invited opinion formers. To change it would mean changing all the guests. The company would just use someone else to run the session.

OP posts:
PinterandPirandello · 15/01/2026 16:55

Your idea seems totally fine and sensible. Go for it. Just check with the event that it’s alright to turn up half an hour/an hour late.

hahagogomomo · 15/01/2026 16:56

Could he do it earlier say starting around midday meaning he could be with you between 3&4

Haosnook · 15/01/2026 16:57

itsthetea · 15/01/2026 16:53

Well if he wants to go to the event it seems mean to make him work instead

depends on your financial situation but if you had enough to book a night over in London you are not broke / life is for living

Well it's this kind of work that makes that possible, but I'm not "making" him do anything.

OP posts:
xmasxmaself · 15/01/2026 16:58

Totally sensible compromise. Ignore your friend!

MyballsareSandy2015 · 15/01/2026 16:58

The compromise sounds good OP. Sounds like he needs to keep these people sweet and I wouldn’t jeopardise that.

MajesticWhine · 15/01/2026 16:58

Your idea sounds good to me. Obviously if the work thing can be moved to a different day even better, but if not then it sounds like you’d still have a nice time.

PurpleThistle7 · 15/01/2026 16:58

Too much missing information. Do you need the money? What’s the event? If it’s like a play then he can’t just stroll in late. If you don’t need the money and he doesn’t want to do it and you already have plan then I can’t see the issue really.

SummerFeverVenice · 15/01/2026 16:59

Your idea seems the best. He can’t afford to turn away work from a good company when he is struggling to get enough work as it is. Missing the first half hour is nothing.

SummerFeverVenice · 15/01/2026 16:59

PurpleThistle7 · 15/01/2026 16:58

Too much missing information. Do you need the money? What’s the event? If it’s like a play then he can’t just stroll in late. If you don’t need the money and he doesn’t want to do it and you already have plan then I can’t see the issue really.

You can stroll in late to a play. They have ushers. 🙄

Haosnook · 15/01/2026 17:00

PurpleThistle7 · 15/01/2026 16:58

Too much missing information. Do you need the money? What’s the event? If it’s like a play then he can’t just stroll in late. If you don’t need the money and he doesn’t want to do it and you already have plan then I can’t see the issue really.

It's not so much that we need this money, but he does need to keep in with the company for the future work opportunities.

It's a sports tournament.

OP posts:
Haosnook · 15/01/2026 17:02

I should clarify, he does want to take the work, but has offered not to if if don't want him to.

OP posts:
TallShip · 15/01/2026 17:02

Your friend is being unrealistic - go with your compromise!
My DH is SE as am I; work, sometimes, has to override events.

PurpleThistle7 · 15/01/2026 17:03

SummerFeverVenice · 15/01/2026 16:59

You can stroll in late to a play. They have ushers. 🙄

I guess it depends on if he wanted to miss that much. And if it’s a symphony or ballet they won’t let you disrupt so still worth asking!

tryingtobesogood · 15/01/2026 17:03

Go for it, you will still get to go to the event and maybe you can do something fun the next day before you go home

purplecorkheart · 15/01/2026 17:05

Ignore your friend, what you suggest seems like the best option, unless your dp can come up with a better one, given they know the client better etc

LadyDanburysHat · 15/01/2026 17:06

abricotine · 15/01/2026 16:53

Your compromise sounds reasonable and sensible to me.

I agree with this. You are being very sensible, and it seems it would be daft for him to turn down the work given they are a good client.

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 15/01/2026 17:07

There are lots of benefits to being self-employed. This is one of the drawbacks. You have come up with a perfectly sensible solution and you (and possibly your DH) will blame yourself later if that client doesn’t book jobs with him in future.