DH never comes to bed with me

[Thingscouldntgetanyworse]

That’s it really. He’s a night owl. I know I can’t ask him to change but I hate that I always go to bed alone. I stay up far later than my brain is thankful for (I’m going to bed now at 00.49 but I’ve been tired since 11) and he says “I’ll be in the now” but he won’t be. It’ll be closer to 2am before he comes to bed.

does Anyone out there actually go to bed same time as their DP?

Again, not really. We're not prescriptive about how sex happens at all. The opportunities are still massively reduced with demanding jobs and small children.

I appreciate opportunities are reduced with work and DC but I just can't imagine feeling very sexual if I had to go to bed several hours earlier than I wanted because it upset my partner if I didn't, lol.

We do every night. Always have done.

Everyone is different 🤷‍♀️. We don't have a problem getting in the mood, and obviously either of us can get back up, if we're not actually tired. Neither of us would be upset. It's just never happened yet because we're both exhausted all the time and go straight to sleep afterwards lol.

We'l usually watch a bit of TV in bed together then go to sleep same time but maybe a night or two a week il be up later downstairs watching something, as he's usually going to sleep at 10.30. Friday I go to sleep alone as he sees his friends and is out later.

We don’t always go to bed at the same time but we always go to sleep at the same time. Sometimes I want to go to bed early but to me that usually means lying in bed watching TV, the same for him. I can’t remember the last time I got in bed and went to sleep before he came to bed

Having separate rooms improved our sex life. We were never going to sleep straight after sex anyway.

Tbh I'm surprised waking up together and snuggling in bed for a bit hasn't been mentioned. I miss that much more. It does mean I'm very efficient in the morning though.

I didn't say it WAS weird - just that it seemed weird to me because it's something I've never done. I guess a lot of it depends on your natural sleep pattern. I'm a lark - hate lying in, get tired very early. My partner stays up late and loves lying in.

Our Dd2 is still in our room. We have sex a few nights a week on the sofa before I go to bed earlier than him. Hope this helps.

Me and DH always go to bed at the same time, but that could be we both naturally are ready around midnight

No way. Mine goes up at 8pm and we've seperate bedrooms anyway. Am I hell going to bed at 8pm even if we did share.

If he's accustomed to going to bed in the early hours, do you really want him there staring up at the ceiling because you want a teddy bear to cuddle?

Insisting on the same bedtime is controlling.

Maybe he likes to have some time to himself.

Mine usually comes up later than me and I love having a bit of time to potter round the bedroom, do my skincare, journal, sort clothes out for the next morning then get into bed and read by myself. Equally I like getting up first and having half an hour downstairs by myself in fact he often only gets up as I am leaving for work.

Hope you put a towel under there if the family are sitting on it

Bit of an odd question but I’ll bite. Ten times.

Not everybody has sex at bedtime.

We go to bed at the same time 99% of the time as we both happen to need a similar amount of sleep and both need to get up at the same time. That being said, we go to bed early (9-9.30ish) and watch TV (to mitigate falling asleep on the sofa!) especially in winter - rather than directly to sleep. We're both out of the house sometimes up to 14 hours a day so it is part of our opportunity to actually see each other!

My God that hassle of washing covers on the sofa twice a week! Who could be arsed with that!

Yes we usually go to bed at the same
time. But if for whatever reason one goes earlier/later that’s a none issue

My dh often stays up later than me. To be honest I prefer it that I get to fall asleep before he gets in bed and his kindle light is blaring in my face, I like to sleep in a very dark room.

This is me and DH, on around 4 nights of the week he goes to bed at around 9.15pm, and around 10.30pm on the other 3 nights. I love it. I stay up for about 2 hours after he's gone. I can watch TV shows that I can't watch with him up. I can't watch 'my' shows with him around, as he talks through them and keeps asking questions. He's 'not interested' in them, but he can't stop asking questions. He is on his computer or phone looking at what he wants to look at - but keeps talking, so I can't concentrated on what I am watching.

We do watch stuff together, and enjoy our evenings together - most of the time! But I can watch MY programmes when he's popped off to bed! I would HATE it if he always went to bed when I did, that would drive me batshit.

BTW he watches HIS programmes when I am on the laptop or phone or reading a book.

Maybe they don’t 🙊

Imagine sitting down watching emmerdale on the same sofa your parents have been slapping their bits on several times a week.

@CarrierbagsAndPJs · 11/01/2026 09:28

People who never go to bed together and think op is unreasonable, how often have you had sex this year?

OMG, do you only have sex in the bedroom, and only at night? 😆

How dull and pedestrian! 😂

We actually had huge issues over this, he thought I went to bed too early (ten/ half ten/ eleven) and in the morning he said I was up and out before him (we have kids and pets). A lot of my friends say the same, that or worse, their partners come to bed and watch films. I couldn’t cope with that

When i worked i went at 10 because i had to be up at 5. No idea what time dh turned up.
Now i'm retired we tend to go together about 12, i sometimes stay up like a pp because he doesn't like my programmes, usually murder mystery things and he asks who's who and why have they done that.
The joys of going to bed when old. Hearing aids have to be charged, eye gel put in. Making sure tablets are sorted. Sex does happen but that requires more organising than when there was kids in the house.

@vanillalattes

I appreciate opportunities are reduced with work and DC but I just can't imagine feeling very sexual if I had to go to bed several hours earlier than I wanted because it upset my partner if I didn't, lol.

I know right. It's quite controlling and manipulative to get all sniffy and pissy and annoyed because your partner doesn't want to go to bed at the same time as you. (Especially if that reason is because you want a shag.) Making someone feel guilty for not wanting to go to bed yet is a red flag IMO. I know people are different, but I think it's really weird to always go to bed at exactly the same time. Seems a bit Victorian, and a bit 'Handmaids Tale' to me. Gotta follow my husband to bed or he will sulk... (Coz it's not the woman sulking because she wants a shag is it?!'