DH never comes to bed with me

[Thingscouldntgetanyworse]

That’s it really. He’s a night owl. I know I can’t ask him to change but I hate that I always go to bed alone. I stay up far later than my brain is thankful for (I’m going to bed now at 00.49 but I’ve been tired since 11) and he says “I’ll be in the now” but he won’t be. It’ll be closer to 2am before he comes to bed.

does Anyone out there actually go to bed same time as their DP?

It doesn’t, op wants her oh to go to bed at the same time and he clearly has different sleep needs.

I normally go up first because I take longer to get settled. He’ll come up about 20 minutes later but regardless of what time we both go up, we turn lights off at the same time and try and sleep. I couldn’t lay there trying to sleep whilst the person next to me has a light on reading or scrolling. Just for information Monday to Friday we’ll go up about 10. Might push the boat out on the weekend to 10.30 if we are feeling wild.

You quoted another poster that wasn't talking about the OP though? There wasn't anything in that post to say either of them were unhappy with it.

I think some pp.are being a bit harsh on OP.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to hope that your H or your partner would come to bed with you at the same tine on some nights. It's not the same as expecting them to do it every night.
But going to bed at the same time fosters closeness and togetherness and intimacy and OP has every right to want that some nights.

Pre kids i used to be the night owl and my husband was asleep by 9pm on sofa! Now though im the one who is in bed by 10pm and he stays up. It doesn't bother me. As long as you still have a sex life and time together in the evenings it dont matter 🤷‍♀️

Pre kids i used to be the night owl and my husband was asleep by 9pm on sofa! Now though im the one who is in bed by 10pm and he stays up. It doesn't bother me. As long as you still have a sex life and time together in the evenings it dont matter 🤷‍♀️

We sleep in different rooms and it solves that problem

Dh stays up later than me but I literally fight with my eyelids on the sofa all night before I give in and go up. I don’t mind too much, get to go to sleep without him snoring his head off

The whole house goes to bed for 9:30 here. All 4 of us.

I find it weirder when couples go to bed together!

I’m always in bed earlier than DH and often fast asleep when he comes up. I’m also up before him every morning (unless he has to be up for work).

We go to bed at the same time almost every night. Not sure why people think that’s strange! My parents always went to bed at the same time so that’s what was modelled to me. We both have roughly the same sleep needs so head up at roughly the same time exch week night and slightly later at the weekends. We have good social lives (seperate due to kids) so each of us is out usually once a week, we don’t go to bed at the same time then, no way am I waiting up till 1am when he gets home!

I think it doesn’t matter what people do as long as it works for them. Is it a lack of intamacy that is concerning you OP?

This. It happened when children were tiny and I was up all night feeding (bf) so I’d get to bed as soon as I could and every night. He’d just stay up on sex chats.

hes now my ex of 10 y

Also perhaps he just wants time on his own? Assuming it’s innocent.

We usually go to bed at the same time, 10ish. But DH falls asleep quite quickly and I'm usually watching tv and/or playing games on my phone till 12ish! Luckily he can sleep through anything 😴

I find that utterly bizarre. Why?!

This is definitely a conversation that need to be had, if you want him to come to bed with you, say that maybe 3 times a week you go to bed and the other 4 he stays up. Is he gaming?

My H insists or says it disturbs him - normal timesabout11.30 or so but it really irritates me, he just switches TV off, switches lamp off and well that’s it - I’m early /mid 60s now so don’t really want a fuss - wish I had made a fuss 20 years ago about this

All a bit sharing a FB page and matching jumpers this going to bed together thing!

People who never go to bed together and think op is unreasonable, how often have you had sex this year?

We almost always go to bed at the same time now. We didn’t used to and I went later but I’d often end up staying up later than I needed and falling asleep on the sofa.

We tend to feel tired around the same time anyway.

It wasn’t a decision to go to bed at the same time but I like it. He might read or I’ll watch something for a while.
The dog relaxes when we’re both in bed too.

Nice to know we’re weird, immature and clingy. I’ll let him know. 😄🙄

I don’t think people with completely different body clocks should have to, it needs to be what works for each couple/person but if it bothers one then maybe there’s a compromise for weekends or something?

I am a bit overweight now. But I've always been a loud snorer, even when I was a tiny 8 and a half stone waif in my early twenties.

So I don't think the two are related. Maybe its more of a breathing thing but I'm very loud and always have been. 😔

Why do you think you need to go to bed at the same time as your partner in order to have sex?

That is super controlling. Tell him to wear some earplugs and an eye mask.

Because we do…in bed for 9:30. My dc are 10 and 12. DS10 is asleep by 09:40. Dd12 is asleep by 10:30. She reads, sorts her hair etc. myself and dp wake at 6am every morning. We need sleep. I’m usually asleep by 10/10:30 latest. Sometimes earlier. Dp is asleep before 10.

Is it just about bedtimes or is it about time together?

Do you spend an hour or two together before bed or is bedtime your time together? If you spend enough time together before bed then it shouldn’t be an issue if one of you comes up later.