DH never comes to bed with me

[Thingscouldntgetanyworse]

That’s it really. He’s a night owl. I know I can’t ask him to change but I hate that I always go to bed alone. I stay up far later than my brain is thankful for (I’m going to bed now at 00.49 but I’ve been tired since 11) and he says “I’ll be in the now” but he won’t be. It’ll be closer to 2am before he comes to bed.

does Anyone out there actually go to bed same time as their DP?

What will happen when your kids are teenagers and want to stay up later, or are at work, or out with friends past 9.30?

Do none of you ever want to stay up and watch a movie or anything? It seems very prescriptive.

I knew someone would say that without actually answering! People always say they have sex at other times and in other places and I just dont buy it when you have children in the house.

We do tend to go to bed at the same time most nights, we seem to be on a similar body clock. Sometimes, I’ll read in bed or scroll if I’m not fully ready to sleep, DH sleeps the min his head hits the pillow usually. Sometimes we will go up earlier then both want to sleep just to chill / cuddle etc. I think if this never happened I’d be sad, and wonder why the other person didn’t miss this also.

DH wakes a lot earlier then me on a weekend and I did start to miss waking up with him, but didn’t want to get up earlier, so after a chat about it, if I’m still in bed after a couple of hours he will bring me a cuppa up and come back to bed for a bit. Suits us both, nothing controlling etc.

I suppose the flip side from the night owls like me would be 'why can't you stay up' and put that down to laziness...

We're all different, I go to bed much later than DH, who wants to be in bed at 10 and up at 6. No thanks, I'd just be lying awake for hours if I went then.

You can have sex in your bed during the night, or first thing in the morning, or when your kids are having naps, or in school/childcare, or on playdates, or any number of other ways.

I don't have children so it's pointless me answering, really.

The thing is though, on a regular basis, does that happen? Are kids nap times together? And they dont have them at all as they get older. It also requires you both working very flexibly at home or not working at all. Unlikely. Aex in the middle of the night creates broken sleeo. That isnt happening regularly. Regularly in the morning again with working and children, really is that a regular option?

The op has raised this as a question because it bothers her. Does it bother her as there is a general lack of intimacy?

No. I go up to read at 9pm every night and DH stays up. I prefer it

I prefer to be asleep before DH , his snoring stops me falling asleep but unless it's an especially bad night it doesn't wake me. He's also one of those annoying people who says I'm going to sleep now good night and 30 seconds later is deeply asleep

This is my nightmare. Hot, no space , someone breathing in my ear. No thanks!

Then they can do that…god it’s not an “etched in stone” law! No we (the adults very rarely want to watch a movie into the late hours. But if we are watching a movie and it finishes at 10 then of course we we will watch it to the end (if we want to). I’ll put it to this way. I would never start a movie at 8:30. I get too tired it would be pointless. But on a general note on a weekday, we are in bed for 9:30. we try to be in bed for this time most nights though it’s just how our body clocks work.
Even if we go out for dinner, we’ll book dinner for six… seven at the latest.

It’s very odd that you just assume that people can only have sex at night. We have kids and never have sex at night. Every relationship is different.

I'm not sure why sex in the morning would be less of an option than sex at bedtime, though I guess it depends on your routine in general.

The way you described it in your first post made it very much seem like an "etched in stone" thing.

Fair enough if it's not.

I mean, it’s not etched in Stone, but 9 out of 10 times we will be in Bed for 9:30… it’s just routine.

@Chataigne the reason I put it down to laziness is because he falls asleep on the sofa, so why not just get up and go to bed?
He also has to get up for work at 7am, so coming to bed at 2am only gives him 5 hours sleep, fine for some, not enough for him!

Agree with this.

We can (and do) have sex at other times and in other places, but we don't get that opportunity everyday. Daily sex is much more achievable when we're going to bed together every night.

We sleep in separate rooms due to menopause but even prior we rarely went to bed the same time. I rather like it. We both appreciate some down time to ourselves.

That made me laugh!

We've never gone to bed at the same time, I like to wind down a little, reading

Each to their own

Mine too. I crave time alone and space.

I often fall asleep on the sofa while watching tv at 1am, DH tucked up in bed and snoring away in pitch darkness by 11pm! Ive always been a bad sleeper, have ptsd so I wake a few times from nightmares aswell and can disturb him. For the same reason (ptsd) i cant sleep in pitch darkness like he does, i have to have a small light on, but he cant have any light at all in the room. Its nothing personal, he doesn't take it personally and knows im an unpredictable sleeper.

Not everyone wants or needs daily sex, though.

Once in a blue moon we go at different times, but he really together. We have young kids though so are on the same sleep (or lack of) schedule! I like it though.

DH and I rarely go to bed at the same time, and I know if I asked him to come up with me when I go to bed, he would then be on his phone or whatever, disturbing my sleep!
id much rather he was awake downstairs and then came in to sleep rather than disturbing me

I don't think I said that everyone did need daily sex. That's just what works in our relationship and why we like to go to bed at the same.

Several nights a week, I’ll go to bed later than my husband. I love that time alone downstairs in the quiet house.