Friend keeps sending long voice notes instead of messages

[GirouxSein]

A friend has started sending voice notes for everything. Some of them are 5 minutes long and I often can’t listen straight away. It then feels rude when I reply hours later.
I know it’s probably meant to be more personal, but I find it a bit overwhelming and honestly prefer a normal message I can skim when I’m busy.

If people send me voice notes, I tell them FYI I rarely listen to voice notes, so could you text instead or we can catch up on phone later.

Nope i cant relate. I love a voice note. So much prefer them to a phone call! I find this thread very intresting too as pretty everyone i am in contact with communicates this way from school mums, work colleges, my children, friends, family.....🤷‍♀️

Oh god I can't stand voice messages. Half the time, I'd far rather people passed me a note to read in actual real life than stood wanging on - one of my less admirable ADHD qualities is the ponderous speed at which people speak and the amount of time it takes them to get to the point drives me absolutely mad. Like, are you still talking? This is paired with being a superfast reader. My sister sends super-long voice messages full of ums and ahs and cul de sacs and non-sequiters and I hate them.

I would reply every time and say, 'Will listen tonight as I'm at work/with the kids/at the supermarket/in the middle of something/out with dh - send me a quick text if you need a reply now'.

And then not listen or reply until she gets the message.

This is so sad! I love voice notes from friends and family - hearing their voice and hearing about their day. It's like a quick phone call but at your convenience. Just listen to them while washing up or doing some other task and reply when I get a moment.

Oh god. Luckily none of my circle do this but you’ve reminded me of online dating. So many of them wanted to communicate voice note only and it was an immediate ick. There is just something about it that doesn’t sit right with me.

I’m with you OP, and so hard to listen to when running around at work or with kids. If you just keep saying sorry really hard to listen enough times they’ll get the hint

Then they presumably respond: “that’s ok bbz listen later luv u!! XXx” and they continue to do it forevermore.

I think the poster’s suggested wording is fine actually, but I would never call someone ‘hun’ without irony so everyone has different styles I guess.

Can you not just listen to them when you’re ready? I love them but I listen and respond at a good time- when I’m having a shower, doing some housework, walking home. I wouldn’t be stopping real life conversations and leaving a room to listen, or stopping a film!

Thank you so much. I have just done that.

I have two people in my life who I tolerate vm's from. One has very bad dyslexia and very occasionally uses them if she's in a hurry. The other has a physical disability. Anyone else and I tend to ignore. Although one friend had a tough time recently and I did listen to hers then.

It's easier for the person sending it to ramble on while they're doing something else.

All the labour is on the recipient to have to stop what they're doing to get into a quiet place and concentrate on it, and if it's really long, listen back again to make sure they pick up all the points they need to respond on.

I can't bear them. As another poster has said, they represent only the negative aspects of both phone calls AND texts, with none of the upsides.

I had a friend send me a load of door codes for a building in a voice note so I basically had to take dictation. Not impressed. I also don't want to listen to your rambling podcast.

Ahh, voice notes. I can see why its helpful for some and even enjoyable if you have an entertaining off-the-cuff, non-dithery friend. But I'm going to guess its the minority who enjoy it and I bet the people defending it here are regularly guilty of this Dante's ring of hell option. 🤣

Admittedly, I'm moderate-severly deaf so its not a hugely convenient option for me. Yet I still have one guilty friend who will send a jolly stream of consciousness monologue as she drives. It's really poor sound which goes directly into my hearing aids and isn't comfortable (in any sense) to listen to. I've told her, she forgets. (Trust me when I say NOBODY remembers when you're small d deaf so its not her being terrible). I just think, unless there's a good reason to use it (some mentioned upthread), its a rude option to opt for as its about convenience/low effort for the sender and the direct opposite for the receiver.

Wow!!!!!!!!
Just wow!!!!
Had no idea /just gone into WhatsApp and put that setting in and it works / love it!!!
Mumsnet at its best -thank you @Lifeislove
An going to show my mum how to use this as she doesn’t like v listening to voicenotes, so now I can n leave her one and she can get the transcription.

I'd message back something along the lines of: not in a position to listen now, anything urgent here? Best to let me know in text if so as can't always listen until much later.

Friends & family I regularly exchange longer vn with - we generally send a quick message as well saying 'not urgent/listen whenever', or if there is something to be answered (ie a question of dates for a visit or something) we summarise that bit in the text.

I do like vn exchanges with friends who live elsewhere - it can be hard to make time for phone calls with different timezones or just busy lives with work & kids, so it's a nice way to feel connected in between actually chatting.

Voice notes are asynchronous. Unlike a phone call, you don't have to be available at the same time as the other person. You send it, short or not, with all the warmth and communication you want - then the other person gets to respond at the time and method of THEIR choosing

Thats the benefit, the huge benefit.

So many people on this thread have said they feel compelled to reply at once - why? You respond in the time and responsiveness YOU want to surely, don't be beholden to others expectations.

Seems like many people are ignoring the sync benefits of messages. Anything urgent is a phone call, any thing not is a message so you reply in your own sweet time.

Depends who is sending them. I have friends who get upset if you don't reply instantly and send pass agg "Did my last email/message get through? It says 'Delivered' but not 'Read'...". My sister is very sensitive to rejection (deffo neurodivergent) and has been known to delete her social media profiles/block me if she thinks I'm ignoring her - it destroys her self worth.

My mum once sent a voice message I didn't have chance to listen to, followed up by a message hours later, 'Too late now - I've booked it. You'll have to call them yourself if you need to cancel'. CANCEL WHAT?!

People. Just send a fucking text.

Op, just a simple "hun, text me instead as everyone is around i can't listen to vn" Xxx

I would never contact someone who texts like that again!

I also don't want to listen to your rambling podcast.

Yes yes yes this.

It's not like a phone call, because those are interactive.

The bad old days 🤣🤣🤣.

For me, an oral complicated instruction would be much more difficult to follow than a written one.

Definitely agree - oral instructions are much harder to retain than written instructions, and even more so if complicated.

My nephew loved sending me short, but plenty voice notes.

He stopped when he realised I didn't respond to them quickly and never sent one back.

Unfortunately, few people seem to have that level of cop on and just keep sending them.

Ergh yeah that would be annoying! Luckily for me my friends and I are very understanding of peoples time, we can go hours, sometimes a day, without replying, and there’s no drama.