16 yo son wants GF to sleep over

[Northmanchester]

He's 16 next week and has always said he would not have sex with his 17 year old GF until it was legal. He has asked for her to sleep over or him to sleep @ hers next week. We are very uncomfortable with allowing this as although we've talked about precautions/bought condoms etc. we think the less times they have sex the less chance there is of pregnancy. We know we can't stop it from happening at all. It's a numbers thing. We know he will not be happy when we tell him. Any advice on how we do?

How long have they been together? Do you think they're already having sex?

I think I'd be saying no to sleepover at my house for his actual birthday (I mean hes essentially telling you his getting a shag for his birthday?) and see if the sleepover at her house materialises.

Ultimately you just say no!!

Fine to say no but be aware that they will do whatever they want behind your back. Better for you to be able to have frank conversations than sneaking about in my opinion. (From one who found out a few years later what her dd was doing when “studying at her friend’s house”

Just say no. I didn’t let my son have girlfriends stay until he’d finished his education. (Apprenticeship age 20)
The two girlfriends he had throughout this luckily had parents with the same idea.
Of course they went to parties and stayed at friends and were having sex.
My reasoning was, we all up by 6am for work including him and I just felt if his girlfriend was there he wouldn’t have so focused about going in.
Never had any problems with it, most of his friends parents are the same.

I wouldn't want it.
What if they split in a couple of months and he's moved on to next one, repeat?
I didn't encourage it.
l have two young adult sons and only ever had one long term girlfriend sleep over when eldest son was late teen and they were in settled relationship.
I don't want to be involved in that part of their lives, and my neighbours had their sons girlfriends staying over from young age and still there now, years later.
I like my own space and routines, some parents would be fine with this l know, but l'm glad l had my boundaries.

been together for a year. Very much in love. It will be a no - trying damage limitation !

It might be legal for them to have sex but they are still children in the eyes of the law.

I certainly wouldn't be happy with my 16 year old bringing his gf to my house to have sex just because they can.

It's your home, your rules. If you aren't happy with this then you are perfectly entitled to say no.

It might be legal for them to have sex but they are still children in the eyes of the law.

That’s something of a sweeping statement.

Age above which a young person doesn’t need to be assessed for Gillick competence- 16
Shortly before 16 - young person gets an NI number
Minimum school leaving age in England - 16
Age to become an apprentice - 16
17 - old enough to drive

Definitely NO at home from me
If hers say ok , so be it

Say no, just as long as you're aware you saying no will only stop it happening in your home, not stop it happening.
Is there anyway you could speak the her parents and come to an agreement? They may not want ay sleepovers either.
As for getting pregnant that's up to them, not something you can control at all.

Another one here echoing just say no.

Urgh, perish the thought of strangers sleeping in my house , teenagers I barely know. It was bad enough having my own teenagers here never mind someone elses lol.

As a pp said, first its this girlfriend, then the next one, then before you know it it's a string of them. Nah.

You can say no. But that won’t stop them having sex somewhere

I would want to have an open conversation. I wouldn’t want to force anything underground or push him away.

But my parents were very liberal (and it kept me safe and I never lied to them…)

Your choice though

As they have already been together a year, absolutely no evidence for there to be 'a string of them'. And it would be perfectly possible for OP to have a rule which was 'only partners that you have been dating for x months' or whatever if she was concerned.

(She's said no and that is her prerogative, but there's no need for this framing)

I agree with this.

No.

and talk to him about protection. Again.

I have not had DC ask so young, but I think I would say no sleepovers until 18, for some reason that feels better to me.

Not a chance.

I wouldn't have bf/gfs of my children to stay at any age unless they were married, never mind when they were bloody children.

Really? If, say, they were cohabiting with a couple of kids, would you still say this?

This is a bit drastic. You do realise your children will have partners and sexual experiences before they marry.

No they won't. Not everyone follows the same culture you know

I would allow it, seems like it’s a serious relationship.

Better that he does it with someone he loves than a random girl. TBH he might tell you he’s been waiting but doubt he has for a whole year!

You are well within your rights to say no, it’s your house. You sound like you are comfortable speaking to each other about sex and protections etc which is a good thing.

If they wan’t to have sex they’ll find a way, so guessing it just depends whether you mind them having sex in his room or you don’t want it under your roof at all and then they’ll just find some where else to go.

This is very true.

But from OP's posts it sounds like she and her son are from a culture where sex before marriage is commonplace and expected, so it probably makes most sense to respond with these cultural expectations in mind.

My priority would be to make my child as safe as possible, and I personally believe this is best furthered by promoting honest communication.

If you show that you disapprove of your son having sex, and make active attempts to limit his opportunities to do so, won't he just very likely stop talking to you about it? And potentially seek less safe opportunities for sex (in the back of a car, etc).

Therefore I would speak to him honestly, share my concerns, attempt to persuade him to wait (if you think this is preferable, knowing him as an individual, his relationship etc). But ultimately I would allow the sleepover as the least worst option, if these young people are determined to have sex.

(I also wouldn't break my heart over it. While 16 is on the young side to become sexually active, at least it's in the context of a relationship with someone of a similar age, so less likely to involve coercive behaviour on either side. Plenty of us became sexually active at around this age and have grown into comparatively stable, well adjusted adults! Pregnancy is a lot less likely if you keep the conversation about contraceptives open and encourage him to tell you straight away if she DOES have a scare, so that you can talk to them both about options.)

This may appall a lot of you on here, but I keep a jar of condoms in plain view in my bathroom, and my daughter knows she is welcome to help herself for her or for friends, even though she is not yet 16 (and is currently in a relationship with another girl, and not sexually active at all as far as I am aware bar "making out") . I speak to my daughter openly about sex and she knows full well I would infinitely rather she wait until at the very least 16, and preferably longer. BUT if she, or one of her friends, chooses to have sex, in my experience they won't wait for lack of a condom. So I'd far rather they had it with one, than without!.