16 yo son wants GF to sleep over

[Northmanchester]

He's 16 next week and has always said he would not have sex with his 17 year old GF until it was legal. He has asked for her to sleep over or him to sleep @ hers next week. We are very uncomfortable with allowing this as although we've talked about precautions/bought condoms etc. we think the less times they have sex the less chance there is of pregnancy. We know we can't stop it from happening at all. It's a numbers thing. We know he will not be happy when we tell him. Any advice on how we do?

They are going to have sex regardless of it you ‘allow’ it. So either you can accept they are growing up and it will be in the safety of a home or wherever else they find.

Has she stayed before on the sofas etc - maybe start with that first. That is what we did to start eventually everyone got fed up of the farce.

My parents were happy for me to stay at my boyfriend’s house when I was 16 because obviously at that age we wouldn’t be doing anything.
I had just turned 17 when they became grandparents.

You're naive to think they won’t.

Culture aside, people have had their eyes opened to not waiting until marriage for sex.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality, finding out what you do and don’t like and who you’re compatible with before committing to marriage.

If you’ve bought him condoms, you’re obviously envisioning him having sex soon. Where did you believe the sex was going to happen, at her house, in the woods, at your house?

Wow they’ve been together for a year and not had sex?
I think they need rewarding for their responsibility and maturity, not ostracised.
i generally allowed sleepovers if they seemed committed and respected and loved each other, at least six month relationship - I think my DD may have been late 15? Not sure if she had sex, didn’t ask and wasn’t told, but we talked about contraception a lot in general.

At 16? No way would I have allowed this in my home

I let my 17 year old son’s girlfriend stay over, we have an open and honest relationship and I would much prefer he was having sex in the house than in a bush. She came to me to ask about the pill and I know she’s still on it because I have fostered a good relationship with them both where they can come to me to talk about it if they need to. I’ve never heard them or walked in on them

No - let them have sex in the pub toilets or something. Only joking. I personally think you should let him. He’s got a steady girlfriend, seems sensible and will probably remember how you handled this forever. He will be having loads of sex soon. Just have a rule about steady girlfriends only.

If you don’t feel comfortable with her sleeping over you are allowed to say no, I think just turned 16 is too young for sleepovers myself - it’s not just about sex it’s just a more grown up type of relationship.
You can’t really say no to him sleeping over at hers though if her parents are happy, just make sure he has condoms

Agree! I have a box of condoms in full view in the bathroom cabinet.

Those that don’t allow it - they’ll just sneak off elsewhere, they won’t talk to you and it doesn’t help create a good relationship.

At 16 it’s perfectly legal. I can’t see the the issue if they’ve been together for a year. That’s very different to random girls. That’s the only rule I’d have. But DS wouldn’t bring a random girl home and has been in a relationship for 2 years…

You’d rather them do it in a public park or something? And then lie to you. Great!

I think we are all saying it’s obvious they’ll be doing something. And let’s have an open and honest conversation about safe sex. Rather than push them away and then they take risks.

This we said over 18 and we had met them socially at least twice before coming and staying.

We also had the porn talk about no porn on any device even their own phone and certainly not using our WiFi. I didn’t want youngest to come across it and I take an anti porn stance as does DH.

Did your teens never have sleepovers? We’ve always got friends staying over!

No one has said that they won’t be doing anything, though.

I didn't have a boyfriend stay over till I was 20, but he was my first serious relationship. First time I asked and parents said yes. My brother at 17 had his 16 year old girlfriend stay, again they said yes. No-one got pregnant before marriage. I think you need to do the safe sex talk and trust them.

I was having sex from 17 but they weren't serious boyfriends and I never took them home to meet the parents.

You have decided no, I agree with you. Just because you will get a bad or hostile reaction makes no difference.

They are going to find a way to have sex no matter where they are, but it would be a cold day in hell before it would be in my house!

Culture does not prevent teenagers from having sex
In every culture on the planet throughout the history of time there have been unmarried mothers, sex outside of marriage and unplanned pregnancies. Human beings do human things regardless of their culture

Following as we will be in exactly the same position very soon. I'm with some posters on here saying no. It's too young, it's not just about the sex but transitions to a much more adult relationship IMO - sharing a bed is an intimate and adult thing to do and personally my DS isn't mature enough for that kind of relationship. There was a similar thread a few days ago where some posters were saying this and I agree.

Well said.

When I was young we had lots of unsecured building sites around and the children would go and start small fires with rubbish and socialse and the parents were none the wiser. Thankfully, times were different and no child got hurt or raped in these secluded areas (to my knowledge).

My mum was the only parent who allowed their child to build fires. The only stipulation- it had to be in a spot from where she could see me out of our kitchen window. I built lots of fires and never got burnt.

I have 2 teenage boys. I would have no issues with sleepovers as long as schoolwork doesn't suffer

We would not allow this

It’s your house. Say no if you want to say no. I don’t get this whole ‘they’ll do it anyway..’ mentality. You could apply this to anything - smoking weed, getting blind drunk, watching pornography - but would you actively permit those under your roof? 16 is still very young. My parents were the groovy type who were all cool and liberal about me bringing boyfriends home. I wish they hadn’t been - I was under pressure to engage in a lot of sexual activity when looking back I was not ready for it; and barely legal.

Why the fuck would they be doing it in a public park? How many people do you actually see having sex in public due to a lack of privacy? Total Mumsnet hysteria.

Oh so much naivety on this thread! If a 16 year old and a 17 year old want to have sex they will find a way. A car, a park, a beach, the woods.

Personally I’d rather be an adult about this, stop clutching your pearls, and let them have sex in your house. I’m not the hysterical one here…