Do people still split bills evenly when lifestyles start to differ?

[LindaFiato]

This came up recently and I’m curious how others handle it.
A group of friends and I have always split meals and weekends away evenly, no questions asked. Lately though, there’s a noticeable difference in spending habits. Some are happy ordering cocktails and extra courses, others are watching costs more carefully.
No one has complained outright, but I can feel the awkwardness building. I don’t want money to become a thing, but I also don’t think pretending everyone’s situation is the same is helpful.
Is it better to keep things equal for simplicity, or adjust more as circumstances change? Interested to hear what’s worked for others without causing discomfort.

As other have said, we all pay just for what we've ordered, eaten and drunk. Some of us just have a starter, some have three courses, some have tap water, some order bottles of wine. Never a problem. We make it clear to the restaurant that we will be requesting separate bills and it's all fine.

If you have noticed then can you start it off saying you are saving for something so will just pay for your own meal tonight as you are watching the pennies. Have

Definitely split unless everyone is having roughly the same. I'm on a strict budget and don't drink yet always seem to have to pay way over because of the "oh we"ll just split it" crowd. I've started declining get togethers because I simply can't afford to essentially pay for food and drinks I'm not having while ordering the cheaper things on the menu to keep to budget.

It really does depend on you and the friends you are with. There is no true answer

some friends I pay everything on my card and then split between the 6 of us

some friends we split and if someone has steak, extra drinks they put an extra £10 in before the split

another group we all get separate bills as we have very different budgets

i dont understand why people don’t discuss and agree this before sitting down for a nice meal with friends

Pisses me off when people just split regardless.

My sister ALWAYS does this, a non celebration meal she orders the biggest meal with extra sides, has 3+ drinks (usually cocktails) and others have a simple meal as it comes with 1 drink.
Sister then at the end says ‘shall we just split it 6 ways?’ Unfortunately another sister keeps enabling this as she says yes- I always make sure I have cash on me to put in, I’m not tight and if mine is £22 I’d give £25 but no way am I paying for someone’s cocktails when I’m making 1 lemonade last or I’m having tap water!

In fact thinking about it, I know some CF as the ones who say ‘shall we just split it x ways’ are the ones who have spent the most!

You only split the bill evenly if what you’ve had is roughly the same otherwise some people are just taking advantage of others.

In our group we pay attention and when everyone is having roughly the same stuff we split the bill evenly. When there are noticeable differences people offer to pay for what they have ordered. No need to be awkward about it, just offer to pay for your food drinks and see how the other parties react. You can’t go wrong when you pay for your stuff.

Why don’t you speak up?

Exactly this.
Also where possible suggest different types of meeting up, depending on your location, a beach walk or countryside walk and either a cafe afterwards or self brought, no fuss picnic if not.
Now it’s easy to split the bill and pay your own by credit card that is an option too.
The joy should be in sharing each other’s company, stress over the bill and who pays what, is joyless.

I used to go out with work colleagues who drank bottle after bottle whilst myself and another colleague who both had to get home for kids etc were ending up with a share of huge bills. We got round this by leaving before the end of the evening and going to the till and just paying for what we’d had. Worked a treat! Home on an earlier train and not £100 lighter for wine we hadn’t drunk!

in the groups I go out regularly with we split. If someone has not been drinking whilst we’ve had cocktails/chanpagne then we calculate accordingly but not ones worried about the differing costs of a main.

For one to one lunches/dinners we tend to just take turns, or with some friends I’ll say it’s a “thank you” for xyz and they can get the “next one”, knowing that the next one could be tea and cake rather than a boozy lunch.

I only ever hang out with people I really care about so I’m fine with 50/50. My friends and I order similar amounts. Now when it comes to work I made sure I was the protagonist that booked meals out. Very much set menu and made a point that people order and pay for their own drinks. It wasn’t about who could afford what, it was that I was not paying for some prick from accounts extra wine. I must admit with work most of the socialising was paid for by actual work, we used to have a free dinner every month including alcohol, those days are gone since covid.

@LouisaMayAlcott that’s exactly what I wouldn’t let happen, hence me taking on the task of organising. @MrsGElphaba Either tell your sister or match her consumption.

I'd rather pay my own bill if my total is £37 for example I'm not paying £60 because others had more drinks or ordered more courses/expensive food than me .

We still split the bill evenly but I don't think anyone takes the piss with cocktails etc, it would be different if they did.

I think if you can feel it's awkward you should try to cut it off before it gets worse. Personally, I have been aware of having more disposable income than some of my friends (I have a good profession and no kids). I would hate things to be awkward. I suggest we pay for what we have. I also think those watching budgets sometimes don't have a starter/ dessert/ alcohol etc so it is a good opportunity for someone else to point out x didn't have y so it makes sense we pay for our own. I'm not saying they do it on purpose but it is a good opportunity for those who notice to point out the disparity. I often have a cheaper meal as I don't eat meat but I will have 3 courses or have alcohol. On occasion, I have actually ordered a bottle of wine early on, said I'll pay separately for my bill, then shared the wine but the act of ordering wine and suggesting a split bill earlier I think relieved some of the anticipated awkwardness. I hope I've never offended my friends by saying we pay for our own bills, I'd happily pay for it but think that would offend in a group. If I go out with 1 friend, I will pick up the bill if they aren't resistant- easy to say you get next one then forget who paid last time etc. I'd hate for anyone to feel I was rubbing it in their face but I appreciate their company, their time is precious and they are making time to see me, they have more mouths to feed and on a lower salary so it makes no difference to me at all.

Instead of making it a ‘thing’ just suggest cheaper places or a take away night where you all bring your own drink and sit in your jammies and chat.

If it’s a weekend away book well in advance and stay in premier inn’s.

Also if I had ordered more cocktails I would make a point of saying I had x amount of cocktails so I’ll put x in or I had a dearer main so I’ll put extra in for that. It’s not about earnings but just being aware of what you have actually ate/ordered.

I've never split bills. This goes back to my student days when we would go out with friends and I wasn't drinking and on a tight student budget.

I think a bit of flexibility is normally required in these cases- if it’s a group where we have all had fairly similar meals, it’s probably easier to just split evenly.
But if some folks are ordering steaks, cocktails, bottles of pricey wine, it should be split accordingly.
It’s really not cool to expect others to cover expensive tastes. And it’s pretty obvious if you are the one quaffing fancy wine etc and others are sipping water. The ones with the expensive choices should always offer to cover their own without being asked to.

We used to split evenly, but then one friend always ordered 3 courses (often the most expensive) and drank like an absolute fish. It was starting to cause resentment - not least because some don’t drink at all any more - so one evening I just bit the bullet and said we should pay for our own from now on. The drink-like-a-fish friend raised her eyebrows but went along with it, since then she’s drunk noticeably less and ordered more reasonably priced meals!

I agree with this a lot. Even if no one says anything, splitting evenly can quietly price people out.

This really resonates. I think you’re right that once you can sense the awkwardness, it’s kinder to deal with it early rather than let it sit unspoken.
I like how practical your approach is. Paying for what you have just removes the mental maths and the quiet stress for people who are watching their spend.

Gosh, whoever I'm out with, if people have very different things then everyone pays for what they have, or at least the ones who've had more will say e.g., I'll put £50 in and the rest of you pay £35, or whatever. I don't think I've ever been in a situation where those who've had more have suggested an equal split.

Of course if people have had broadly the same then it's more common to split it equally.

If I have a steak and others pasta I put in the difference , then split

we pay for what we eat/drink.
usually one of us pays and then sends a payment request via the banking app and the bill is posted on the group channel.

imo splitting only works if it's a set menu.

I stopped drinking 4 years ago so when I do go out I mainly do dinner and drinks these days. If I'm with people who just have one / two drinks then I'm happy for an even split. I'll usually have a virgin cocktail or an AF beer which cost as much as alcohol.

If I'm with people who are ordering loads of booze, I make it clear I'm not paying an equal split beforehand. I'll pay my share + top etc but I'm not paying an extra £20+ to subsidise others drinking. It's never been an issue, I know which group the big drinkers are so I just politely / discreetly remind them in advance.