Do people still split bills evenly when lifestyles start to differ?

[LindaFiato]

This came up recently and I’m curious how others handle it.
A group of friends and I have always split meals and weekends away evenly, no questions asked. Lately though, there’s a noticeable difference in spending habits. Some are happy ordering cocktails and extra courses, others are watching costs more carefully.
No one has complained outright, but I can feel the awkwardness building. I don’t want money to become a thing, but I also don’t think pretending everyone’s situation is the same is helpful.
Is it better to keep things equal for simplicity, or adjust more as circumstances change? Interested to hear what’s worked for others without causing discomfort.

If I’m out for a meal and eating and drinking more thank others then I pay more, otherwise it’s taking advantage

We pay for what we eat/ drink. We don't split evenly as some drinks more than others! I typically grab our regular meal out on my credit card then do the maths the next day and they send me money. Saves us figuring it out on the night, but feels fair to all

We all pay for what we eat or drink. Splitting the bill is just daft when people eat and drink more than others.

It can cause people to maybe skip this week due to not having enough money to pay their share if they are splitting a bill will someone drinking cocktails etc whereas if they only paid for what they have themselves they could still come and they could maybe skip the starter or just drink juice compared to alcohol so maybe that extra £50 they are paying to fund someone else is the difference between a friend coming or making an excuse and cancelling due to finances and they don’t feel able to be honest.

We split what we eat and drink - doesn’t need to be awkward

What is awkward is the drunk person who drank most of a bottle of wine and had 3 courses asking the person who had the cheapest item on the menu and tap water to split equally

I just head it off upfront and say im not drinking/ just having a burger so ill pay separately.

Or I go to venues where they cant do too much damage even if they are trying. (Mil rarely puts her hand in her pocket so I am an expert at finding these types of places now. )

We only split equally when what’s been eaten has been fairly equal. Genera it is, or its swings and roundabouts from a previous meal….

If someone hasn’t drunk anything and everyone else has caned the cocktails, champagne and wine….the non drinker pays less….unless they had a really expensive meal compared to everyone else. This all works with people we know well and eat out regularly with. Also no problems with someone saying, you lot split it but I’ve had water and soup and am only paying for that.

it’s harder when the difference isn’t so marked and you are scrabbling round for tip etc for the sake of £10 say….but….

if they are friends, say something….

Only split evenly if people have had roughly the same, otherwise pay for what you ordered. Ideally someone who is spending more should suggest or insist on this. And be careful to pick venues that are within budget for everyone.

Now everyone pays by card it's easier than ever to pay for what you ordered.

Everyone pays for what they order. If that’s a problem because some people are cheap and not covering their share, then separate bills so everyone/every couple pays their own.

Agree!! I’d always notice if I have substantially ordered more - ie cocktails and extra courses and state that I am paying the extra otherwise I’d feel cheeky.

Would your friends respond well if you suggest everyone pays for themselves?

If so definitely do that, otherwise maybe someone else will take the plunge. Needs to happen though I think or the poorer ones might stop coming.

I think apply common sense to make sure things roughly work out fair over a day, minimising adding up exact amounts where possible to keep things chilled. We have some friends who we eat out with regularly (just a BYO curry place - nothing fancy) who do spend slightly less than us on food because they’re vegetarian. They don’t like splitting the bill evenly and will always calculate exactly instead. But we usually meet for a drink beforehand and we always end up buying the drinks as they never offer, and we’d feel bad going to the bar and not offering to get them anything. And the guy usually drinks some of our BYO wine. So it’d be nice in that kind of scenario to relax and not get the calculator out (and of course they ignore the drinks in their sums). But yeah, obviously in some other scenarios things are clearly unbalanced and it needs doing.

We only split it evenly if everyone has had roughly the same eg if we all have a starter, glass of wine and a main, no one is quibbling that someone’s main course was £2.50 more than theirs.

I’ve never been out with friends and had people ordering cocktails and more courses and still thinking the bill would be evenly split. I think that’s very rude.

As the wealthier friend it is polite and kind to order at the same level as your friends.

I don’t choose an expensive restaurant, or order cocktails if my friends can’t afford it. They are my friends, I want them to be comfortable, have a good time and not be stressed.

The point of the outing is to have fun presumably, not to rub their face in any financial disparity.

in one group people pay their own way

in another the bill is split and then somehow by the time the less well off get to put in, someone else has miscalculated and they need to put in less - means we can treat them

if anyone ordered much more and expected to split evenly i wouldn’t

With one set of friends we generally split but that’s because we all order similarly and split the bottles of wine etc.
if I specifically wanted an extra course or an expensive drink I’d pay for that.

With another friend (easier for us as it’s just us 2 or us and our DHs generally) we order almost the same meal and drinks when we go, share a side and take turns to treat each other.
With this friend though, she offered covered coffee shop stops for me when she had money and I didn’t, then I returned the favour when back on my feet and she was on mat leave.

I think it depends on the dynamic of the group. Money is awkward but if you know some people are struggling you could always head it off by saying ‘I think this time we should just pay for what we order’

Nobody quibbles over a few pounds here and there which all comes out in the wash eventually, but we’re just pretty good when the bill comes about noting that Lauren and Charlotte didn’t have any cocktails or a dessert and dividing the bill accordingly. If you’ve begun to notice it then you just need to raise it at bill time, it doesn’t need to be a big deal.

If one of the people who orders more objects then you know that the easiest way after that is everyone paying for their own order - everyone has a calculator on their phone so unless you’re an enormous group it’s no big deal for one person to run through the bill and tell each person what they owe.

We have a group of friends who we just split the bill, we all roughly eat and drink the same so make sense.

Another group we just pay for our own drinks and food - they don’t drink and usually just have water.

People should be self aware, I went out recently with a 8 friends only three of us drunk wine (and ordered an extra bottle) the food was a a shared plates type - the ones that drank the wine shared that between them and we shared the food between us. We didn’t expect that everyone picked up the cost of the wine.

Yeah, when we were younger and all drinking and eating the same/similarly, we just split the bill evenly.

Now we are in our fifties and sixties, some of us don’t drink alcohol or drink very little. I am on WLI and another has had bariatric surgery, so we eat far less. So now we pay roughly what we have consumed.

For holidays we use Splitwise.

We usually just split the bill evenly, but then those who have drank more or chosen more expensive dishes, will throw in extra to cover it a reduce the others share.

or we’ll split food evenly and work out drinks

I haven't done a bill split like this for years and I'm glad not to have the minefield. I just don't attend the kind of social event where it's an issue. It's usually separate bills for everyone by default, or I'm with close family and one person will get the bill. Personally I'd always prefer separate bills. I hate having to remember and do the maths myself of working out what I've had and I hate having to order something cheaper than I really want.

yes my friends and I do this, or try to anyway. I remember one good natured argument we had in a restaurant. They had alcohol over our soft drinks and dessert where we didn't, but I'd ordered extra sushi and prawn tempura instead of dessert, and an extra drink. We were both saying we owed more so we got a calculator out, added up exactly what we had and it was like 40p different, so we split it down the middle!

There are drinkers and non drinkers in our group. So either pay separately for drinks or make adjustments. I’m usually the one who is handed the bill and asked to work it out. With one friend we usually split it or I pay one time she the next. With a group I just add up their courses and add a tip. Takes a couple minutes. If a very large group then we do occasionally ask fur individual bills. If I fixed price for two/three courses that’s easier and drinks separate.

If I’m out for a meal with friends and I’m ordering more courses or having drinks I would insist on paying more.

Definitely split. I work with people who don't drink. I wouldn't dream of making them pay for part of my wine. Same with food, I wouldn't have a starter, some would have 3 courses.