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Original poster

If you're a mum, when do you get a break?

141 replies

molifly · 25/12/2025 20:44

I have a toddler and an 8 year old. I work part time, contracted 3 days a week but probably work the equivalent of 4 with extra hours that I do over the week. On the other days I completely run every aspect of everyone else's life. My days off are spent with my youngest, shopping, cleaning, organising and looking after my Dad.

My partner works full time and thinks this makes him god. On a Saturday I take the children out first thing until early afternoon to allow for his lay in. On a Sunday it's supposedly my turn but by the time everyone's gone downstairs I'm wide awake and after half an hour they all come to find me.

We have parents nearby on both sides but they aren't ones that help. If I had an appointment they'd help if asked but not the type to babysit for a date night etc.

If this sounds like you, when do you genuinely get a break? I don't think I've been home alone since before my youngest was born. I could do with just laying in bed for 3 hours with nobody needing me but that will just never, ever happen. Even if I booked DC in for an extra nursery day, I'd still be required to get up, sort everything out and do the school/nursery run therefore it feels not worth it. Im usually fine with it but I honestly feel exhausted to my bones.

OP posts:

Farticus101 · 26/12/2025 20:40

Single parent here and I get a break when I'm in the shower and Ms Rachel has taken over babysitting!

Honestly, tell your partner to actually parent his own kids! You should at least get a lie in or opportunity to go out on your own.

snowone · 26/12/2025 20:41

Rarely - we have two DDs (11 and 6) we both work full time, evenings and weekends are mainly taken up by kids activities. We are up and out by 9am most Saturday and Sundays due to said activities. DH and I are often like ships in the night! My mum will have them occasionally if I ask / if we are going somewhere.

Somehowgirl · 26/12/2025 21:42

mrsharryohay · 26/12/2025 20:27

It sounds like you just have one child and that does make a huge difference, without wanting to sound condescending. Both DH and I would be on the home straight by now with just ds

It isn’t in my nature to create discord and ill feeling at this time of year, and this subject just isn’t one we’ll see eye to eye on. I’ve tried to address with DH; it never goes well, I’ve given up. Leaving is something I have considered but on balance isn’t something I want to explore at the moment. I don’t think there’s much else either of us can add to the discussion.

What a shame that he would miraculously be a different father with the first but not the second. I agree, bad vibes all round at this time of year particularly. Hopefully you’ll have finally dislodged your boot from his arse by next Christmas and he’ll be a changed man. Maybe a few spirits can visit him and help him mend his ways.

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Bringemout · 26/12/2025 21:46

Dh outs Dc to bed and on weekends usually get up with them and does breakfast, I get left alone with Dc popping in to discuss things that are urgent 🙄 but generally I take a coffee back to bed once I’m up. DH is generally a present parent who just gets on with it. You problem is your partner. You need to be really strict about your lie in. If it were me I’d fuck his up until he understood.

Bringemout · 26/12/2025 21:56

Screamingabdabz · 26/12/2025 20:33

My test is that if your other half isn’t as exhausted as you, then they’re not pulling their weight enough. The family is teamwork or they can fuck off. And a team makes sure its members are all buoyed up, rested and invested.

We take the same approach, no-one is done until everyone is done.

mathanxiety · 26/12/2025 22:21

If you're a single married mum, when do you get a break?
Fixed that for you.

You'd get a break if your useless, entitled lump of a husband had the children EOW and every Wednesday evening.

Just saying...

Sleepytoes · 26/12/2025 23:13

I’ve got 3, a 1 year and 2 other primary aged children my DH does help but also works away and full time. I have the odd day/half day when little one at nursery and not working (e.annual leave) however rely on those occasions to catch up on housework. The one year old either won’t nap or if she does she then won’t go to sleep until 10-11pm then is up 3-20 times in the night. There’s always mountains of laundry, cleaning, tidying, cooking, admin etc. The last break I remember having is a couple of years ago when I went to stay with my mum overnight without the kids. Usually just about manage but December is the bale of hay that breaks this mummy camels back every year

donotsweatthesmallstuff · 27/12/2025 09:21

HippeePrincess · 25/12/2025 21:39

All the time, and I work full time in 4 days with 1 day off midweek for childcare/chores. I have 3 kids the youngest is almost 3, but DP is great even with the older one who’s not his biologically.
I get nights and days out with friends or on my own. Take it in turns for proper lie ins when we can.
You have a massive partner problem, he’s not pulling his weight. Leave the kids with him and leave him to it. Why does booking a day off/extra nursery day mean you can’t lie in? My partner gets DS ready for nursery and does a school and a nursery drop off and pick up every day before and after work as I work long hours, however if I had a day off and didn’t need to get up he would do it still and I would sleep.
I wouldn’t be facilitating his long lie in when he doesn’t treat you the same way. Looks like you need to stay in next Saturday and send the kids up to wake him after half an hour.

This exactly

Fupoffyagrasshole · 27/12/2025 12:47

donotsweatthesmallstuff · 27/12/2025 09:21

This exactly

Show quote history

yea Exactly this !

how are people living like this honestly I’d crack up

i love my kids but if I had to do 7 bedtimes a week and never had an evening out or never had a morning away from them I’d be a an awful
mum!

I need a regular break so I do it ! At least 3 evenings a week I’m not putting the kids to bed I’m at a spin class or yoga or the cinema.

weekends every other week pretty much I have a lot whole day away from them

i take a holiday with a fiend for 5 days every year and at least 1 spa weekend with my sister and mum

husband and I always do a music festival without the kids every summer without fail (take the kids to a diff one too!

littleburn · 27/12/2025 12:48

I get a break when they go to their dad’s …

user1476613140 · 27/12/2025 13:51

When I am asleep that's when I get a break. Or 6ft under😂🤪

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2025 13:55

The amount of married single parents on mumsnet is staggering.

There are only two possible reasons that you wouldn’t get a break…

you’re a single parent and the other parent is no longer around
the other parent is useless

when my dc were small, we just took turns to have time off for ourselves, all the time. Some nights in the week, definitely a few hours each of a weekend, occasional weekends away like hen parties or whatever.

awrbc81 · 27/12/2025 13:56

Not very often when my DC were that age, but I’d have a lie in most Sundays and if I needed a break on the weekends my DH would take the DC out for a walk or something. Also would meet up with friends for the day occasionally, probably every couple of months.
Your DH having a lie in every Saturday until early afternoon is taking the piss though

FusionChefGeoff · 27/12/2025 15:39

Your husband is a massive twat. He should be making sure you get time to rest and this would be my New Year’s resolution.

TeamGeriatric · 27/12/2025 22:21

We used to live overseas and my Mum would come and visit and stay with us, so husband and I would usually go out together once whilst she was staying. I definitely recall a time we were in the cinema and my Mum called me to come home because one of the kids was awake and distressed, and I just ran home immediately. Cinema was 5 minutes from our house, but I definitely preferred that she'd called me than let my child cry for hours. I do think you are in a tricky situation, as your husband seems to be out a lot from what you say, and consequently you are on your own with the kids a lot. That's probably really your issue, inequality in time away from the kids, not really that your parents couldn't settle your child.

cadburyegg · 30/12/2025 23:58