My DM just turned up at my work.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

We’re currently not in contact.

I left an abusive relationship, she sided with my ex (he presents as charming and helpful to the outside world), told me they’d disowned me and made some seriously vile comments.

It came to a head on my birthday when I’d travelled an hour to see them (they invited me), my dad had a face like thunder the entire time and kept muttering ‘for fucks sake’ under his breath, my mum kept telling me I should go back to my ex despite me telling her that wasn’t possible, they chucked me out after 45 minutes because my dad wanted to watch ‘The Chase’ and I went home.

I’ve not contacted them since. They picked my exes side and my mum has a long history of tormenting me. They are free to do this, but I no longer want to be their punch bag. I’m done.

I did send a nice Christmas card because they are my parents. But that’s been the only contact.

Anyway, she turned up at my work with gifts. I’m not there today, my colleague messaged me.

I’m pretty stressed as my ex is contacting various people trying to get my new address and I changed my number because of his constant abuse. I can’t give my parents this information because they’ll probably tell my ex (they’ll see it as them wanting to get us back together).

I’m fairly certain that if my ex gets his hands on me he’ll kill me. Police aren’t interested.

My manager is aware that my ex is a problem and may contact work. It’s all a PITA.

I’m not even after advice. I just need to put my thoughts in writing.

It’s all such a headfuck.

If you don't want your parents to contact you, don't contact them. That includes Christmas cards. And consider getting a solicitor to write a cease-and-desist letter.

Totally unacceptable response from police, they can do something if there's a history of strangulation attacks and harassment.

Hi, it sounds like it has the capability to translate into a stalker scenario, there are laws against this now so remember you don’t have to run or go through it alone. Contact the charities mentioned in other posts rather than the police if you aren’t getting the response from them you should be. It’s possible the Christmas Card sent your mother into action.
Getting an NMO against your ex and your mother might be a good idea, especially if your ex poses a serious threat.

It sound slike your mum is abusive as well and wants you to stay subjected even if it isnt directly by her. I dont usua advocate for no contact but it sounds like maybe in this situation that is actualy best.

Have you told your parents the whole truth about his violence?

If you have and they don't care or call you a liar, then it's perfectly reasonable to want nothing more to do with them.

This is very serious, you are doing a great job at keeping yourself safe. Have you spelt out to your parents how violent and dangerous this person is? I would maybe have a solicitor send a letter to them formalising the seriousness and ensuring they have been officially told. Then as others have said go no contact. Best of luck, stay safe.

Also check to see if your work place has a DV policy which will outline their risk assessment etc in these circumstances.

would also be worth considering a non-molestation order against your parents on the grounds of emotional abuse and harassment. It's free to apply for one and you don't need concrete proof, all you need to demonstrate is balance of probability that they're abusive

The Op needs to make up her mind if she’s in contact with her parents or not as it seems they only contacted her after she sent them a Christmas card. They were probably excited to hear from her and thought she was offering an olive branch.

i’m sure you already have but please ensure you notify the Police. Each and every time he tries to find you through others, it is still possible to stalk / harass someone via a third party. I used to be a Crime Recorder with my local Force some years ago, I’ll try and give info based on what I used to do.
Call 101 and ask to make an appointment yo go through any abuse, get it all logged. Ask the Police to put a marker on your address.
Tell them you feel harassed and alarmed and scared. Tell them you think he will kill you. If there are any previous offences, then consider if you want to report and make a statement. You may be able to look into a protection order.

As for your Mum, you need to put that boundary in place now. She cannot turn up to your place of work. If she does it again, make it VERY clear to her that you will report for harassment.

I wish you well OP.

First off, there is help out there for victims of abuse, you need to go back to the Police station and ask for contact numbers for the women’s charities, also the Citizens advice centre will, if you ask them, put you in contact with a lawyer and can help with getting you the correct support.
Another option is to seek out information at your local library, they will have leaflets and information on the Victim help in your area.
Your parents being deluded is not a good sign and I am glad you have gone no contact, but turning up at your workplace is a bad sign and you need to send your parents and your ex’s photo ID’s to your companies security personnel, if they have CCTV, including vehicle registration numbers if known.
You should also inform reception and any other means of entry into your works photo ID’s.
Here is my ultimate piece of advice, it doesn’t matter about your age, your body size, height or weight, but it could save your life.
Find a class in self defence, it doesn’t matter which type and believe me there are all types to choose from, try them all, do 3/4 lessons in each type and see which one suits you best. You don’t have to aim to become a black belt or 5th Dan or go 12 rounds with Mike Tyson, you certainly don’t need to be embarrassed or ashamed in putting yourself out there, but, trust me when I say, they work, they give you confidence, they teach you to your level, you become aware of what you are capable of, no matter your size or agility and most importantly, most abusers are abusive towards women, because they know we won’t fight back.
There is nothing more satisfying than the look on their face, right before they hit the ground and you walk away intact, with your head held high!. After learning to defend yourself, nobody gets away with abusing you again and your ex will certainly think twice if he finds out (accidentally).
Please, please think seriously about it, take a friend, maybe a few work colleagues or even ask them to see if anyone already does it and tag along.

Give these people a call

https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/call-our-advice-lines/

You need to get back to police, speak to a senior officer. They don't get to pick ans choose what they are "interested in "
He strangled you. They need to be interested

There is advice above from some very knowledgeable people and I would urge you to contact the police again. It seems bizarre that your parents bought yoh gifts when you had broken contact. What did they buy you? Could it be tracked? Leave it at work until yoh decide if you want to return it. I wouldn't be re-establishing contact with anyone who supports an abusive partner over their own child.

Some people don't get help when they are stalked. I didn't. Mine was online but they had my address and tweeted it and photos of my flat. Sent unwanted packages to my home. Threats to maim and kill me

I was sent away 6 times. Victims also don't press charges - it's the CPS or fiscal in Scotland who give police the go ahead to charge someone

I agree that the OP needs to escalate this but women are often very badly failed by the criminal justice system

Also, your work has a legal duty to keep you safe so speak to your safeguarding officer. Then put a plan in action to keep you safe at work. This can include:

1. Not having your details (image, email, phone, location etc) on any public-facing website.
2. A flag on your record internally that says that your information is not to be given out without verifying who the requester is
3. An agreed panic signal if ex or parents show up on the premises.

It’s shit, but PP have also given good advice. Good luck.

You need to go higher. Ask to speak to a detective inspector. Write to the chief of police in your area. I was told the same thing - come back when you are harmed but that's not good enough

“Dollymylove · Today 17:02
TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 24/12/2025 18:28
I’m well aware that if he gets his hands on me again it’s game over.
I’ve told the police this. They also know he strangled me. Honestly, they don’t care.
You need to get back to police, speak to a senior officer. They don't get to pick ans choose what they are "interested in "
He strangled you. They need to be interested”

Totally this. Strangling is attempted homicide. If your local police station won’t take it seriously, you can go to a different one.

You need to cut all contact with your parents; that includes Christmas cards. It makes them think you want contact and this can't happen in case they give information to you ex. I think you need to contact a domestic violence charity for advise on staying safe as your ex sounds very dangerous and the police are not protecting you.

Im sure your mother knows exactly what shes doing and usually mothers like this are extreamley jealous of you which is why she wants you to get back with.him, speak to your local domestic violence charities, you can also put a complaint into the police if they are not listening...i think your mother worries me more that shes trying to find out information to give to your ex...dont be taken in by her, you could also get a claires law done on your ex they may take you seriously then

You might be listened to but unless there is proof, their hands are tied.

It's neither here or there nowadays if the injured party wants to press charges, it's all down to the CPS and whether or not they believe there is enough evidence to get a conviction.

Why on earth would you send a Christmas card to a flying monkey?

Can't you get some kind of restraining order against him?

When I was being stalked I contacted my MP. And my Msp. I'm in Scotland Both did nothing. But there are MPs who have helped push police into doing something.

You need to make a fuss. Seriously. All you need to do is ask police to go to your exes home and tell him to stay away from you. It's not asking the earth

My stalker - a man backed up by a number of friends - used police to harass me. He went to police and told them I was stalking him. He got his friends to tweet lies about me and my mum. He told them I was a mental case and that I caused his wife's miscarriage

I don't even know him but unfortunately police believed his lies and arrested and charged me. It went nowhere - but I was abused so badly by police that I have ptsd and I had to give up work over it

By the time police in my area actually listened to me and believed that I was being stalked - it was too late

This man is stalking you. His behaviour is section 39 and you have to go back to police and make a fuss

My only regret is that I didn't send the counter complaint I made about this man and his wife direct to the police station in his area. It was binned

What I will say is. I'm really sorry you are going through this but you will be ok

Six years ago I was completely broken and it took me about two years to stop crying - but I'm doing ok now. I've just finished a degree and my life is ok

You have to explore every avenue to get this man to stay away from you

Shelter might be able to give advice on how to get a restraining order but if police aren't helping you. Complain and complain.

Go as high as you can and don't take no for an answer

OP, I am so sorry, this sounds terrifying.

Who can you lean on in real life? Have you got people you can trust?

Police can visit someone and tell them to stay away from the person they are harassing. They have the power to do that even though there's not enough evidence to charge