In trouble at work- over a quiche

[Coffeandtoast]

Good morning

So on Friday we had a little gathering in the office at work. We all agreed to take in various food items and my contribution was quiches and sausage rolls.

so I took four quiches. At the end of the gathering there was one whole quiche left unopened.we agreed that we’d just share out the untouched food

I said that I’d just take the unopened quiche as we would eat it at home. In then comes Patricia, an older woman who I generally find quite difficult to work with. She’s self opinionated and knows everything. I generally try hard to get on with her but she’s a massive PITA. So she said something along the lines of “ you can’t just take the quiche until we’ve discussed who’s taking what” . I explained that I wasn’t to fussed about any of it and that she could just take the quiche, she carried on with her chuntering and huffing and puffing at me. So this is where it went pear shaped, I just snapped and shouted- “ just take the cunting quiche, Patricia”

it’s all kicked off and I have a HR meeting tomorrow regarding my foul language!!!!

Probably best not to tell HR that in those exact words 😁

Nope. I don’t. And it’s not the same thing. At all. I posted from personal experience in a long, office based career. Some of the worst transgressors of acceptable behaviour in the workplace were older members of staff who believed that age equals wisdom and they had the right to challenge, insult and ultimately overrule everyone else. Comparing ageism with the kind of discrimination black people have experienced and continue to experience every day, is offensive. How on earth do you equate that with the slur of ‘Karen’ ?

If I used the c word at work I'd expect to be properly told off, it's not really in common usage in a workplace.

Nope. I’m an older woman myself and my comments were from a lifetime of work experience, not stereotyping, as the poster I was responding was trying to do. If the OP had resolved the issue why was Patricia going on about it to the point where OP lost it ? I’ve come across this issue many times. Every workplace has its Patricia and IME it’s always been older women. Nothing to do with wanting them to STFU, just fact.

‘Cunt’ as a lexical item has gone through a process of bleaching, meaning that it’s lost its former level of obscenity. Educated teenage girls talk freely about ‘feeling a bit cunty’ without any offence being intended or received. Hopefully HR understand that the world has move on from cunt being a ‘c-bomb’ and will see that it was just an expression of frustration. Shouldn’t be a disciplinary if an apology is made.

@Coffeandtoast
You went full Gordon Ramsay on Patricia about that poor quiche.

@rosscameasdoodyis that what you are like then? As an older woman you think you have wisdom and throw your weight around? Or is that reserved for ‘other’ older women, who you are happy to lump into one mass?

I’ve worked for 40 years in offices. I’ve absolutely never seen this stereotype.

@Rosscameasdoodyyour posts just get worse. It’s Patricia’s fault that OP ‘lost it’? She was just talking about dividing up food, and so somehow she is to blame for getting shouted and sworn at?

Is this an attempt to become an MN classic story that people will quote for evermore?

Speaking as an older woman (65), I can think of a couple of reasons.

Firstly, some people of my generation feel that they have the right to scold younger colleagues. Secondly, an older person is more likely to be offended by 'cunting' or 'cunty'.

Eh?

OK then. We agree to disagree. Once again on MN, if you haven’t experienced it, it doesn’t exist. This is a public forum. I have my opinion, you have yours. I haven’t stereotyped anyone - it’s based on my own experience. If it’s not yours then fine. Move on.

Yep.

I saw the same in schools, across the 40 years that I worked in the Scottish secondary sector.

ETA I was 39 - not that young - when I became a PT/HoD. However, some of the older male members of staff reckoned that they needed to put me in my place. (There was only one other female PT - she was two years younger. All the others were men pushing retirement age.)

Agreed

There’s a post upthread stereotyping all teenagers as claiming they have ‘Tourettes or one of the many alphabet diseases, ADHD, PTSD, OCD, ASD, PMT, KFC... teens used to play the mental health card all the time in my old job...’. That’s not factual or experience based, it’s just as offensive as comparing racism to ageism IME. Why don’t you go troll them instead.

I never came across that in the English Secondary school sector.
.

On what basis - that I posted from personal experience instead of stereotyping any particular social group ? Grow up. This is a public forum and just because your opinion doesn’t align doesn’t give you the right to make ridiculous and totally unconnected assumptions about people you’ve never met. If you don’t understand my point that’s on you. All you had to do was ask and I would have expanded.

Are you seriously suggesting that ageism - some of it unbelievably foul across institutions - isn't experienced every day by some people or are you suggesting that some "-isms" are beyond the pale and some are fine?

And once again, as per bloody usual on MN if you haven’t experienced it, it doesn’t exist.

I'm assuming you're also including @WearyAuldWumman in that admonishment.
She saw it all the time. I never did.
It's almost as if...people have different workplace experiences!
😂

Someone posted earlier in the thread that the only Patricia's they knew were in their 80s

I'm going to say "as per bloody usual on MN"
😂😂😂

Nope, neither. I just don’t believe that the discrimination experienced by older workers (and I absolutely don’t deny it exists) can be compared with that experienced by black people through the generations, right up to present day, which was the viewpoint of the poster I answered. Which is all beside the point. As previously stated, what I said in my post about older workers was experienced based. That other posters don’t share that experience is not my problem. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist - except on MN.

@rosscameasdoody Troll you? Your views are misogynistic and ageist and I think you know it which is why you’re getting defensive. Happy to ‘move on’ thanks, I think your views are too deep rooted for you to see a different point of view.